The Last Seven

I do not review as often as I should, but sometimes I feel like not doing so would mean a sleepless night. This is one of those nights.

The Last Seven is arguably the most poorly constructed, ill-fated, and hopeless attempt at making a movie I have ever seen outside those who recognize the feebleness of their movie and attempt to at least derive some kind of humor out of the film. It is so difficult for me to decide where to begin, because everything is wrong.

If that does not satisfy your curiosity, then let me hit the big three as I see them.

Number 1: Character development. Throughout the entire film, I was never given any reason to care about any of the characters outside of a boo-hoo flashback for someones missed birthday. I didn't care if they lived, if they died, or if they were forced to sit through their own horrible acting. I just didn't care about anything that was happening to them in the slightest, and it destroyed what little bit of plot development there was. And when I say little, I mean LITTLE.

Number 2: Wannabe artistic filming and editing. Out of place flashbacks, requiem-for-a-dream shortcut film sequences, long, drawn out scenes flip-flopping with super short, shaky camera snapshot progressions, third grade special effects, the "hitchcock" scare (attempt) and the list goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on. And. On.

Number 3: Worse than a M. Night Shyamalan twist ending. Nuff said.

The only thing decent about this movie was the scenery, abandoned cities always look awesome.

Don't waste your time, and don't make me tell you I told you so.

Film tastes vary greatly, I am aware of this. Films that I love have been described to me as "boring" many times over the years. 'Rushmore' , 'The chaser', 'Halloween', all apparently "too slow", or I'm told that "noyhing happens". Well THIS is a movie where absolutely nothing happens for the entirety of it's excruciating running time (anything between 85 mins and a couple of months, depending on how you quantify time). I really have never been so bored in my life, it's as if Uwe Boll found a discarded script by Terence Malick and didn't really get it. Flashbacks featuring Danny Dyer crop up to piece together the supposed plot and it's final twist, and in the hope that all would be revealed and I could switch this piece of garbage off, I welcomed every scene that Dyer appeared in. And I never, ever thought I'd say that. It was not very good.

this is by far one of the worst films i have ever see in the history of films. i once bought a £1 Kung Fu film from HMV that was of a better standard than this film. i actually felt bad for the actors and kept wanting to correct the incredibly poor acting! if you watch this you've only yourself to blame as i do for ignoring the previous bad comments from other reviewers.

to put it bluntly, this film is so bad that i had to join IMDb as a member just so i could warn people off from wasting there time... shame on the director for this one and for the script writers SHAME ON YOU!

i really need to get into story writing, because if this is the best these guys could do and it actually managed to make it even to DVD let alone the pictures, then anyone can call themselves a director/actor/script writer!

STAR RATING: ***** Saturday Night **** Friday Night *** Friday Morning ** Sunday Night * Monday Morning

I could go to great pains to write a long, in depth review of The Last Seven, but it's hard to write much more about it other than my summary above. Right from the opening sequence, with one of the lead characters wondering around a deserted London shouting out for 'anybody!', just like in the aforementioned film, it just feels like such a pale imitation of it that it hurts. In fact, it's almost as if the director knew he was practically copying it scene for scene and just gave up bothering to tell any sort of decent story of his own. As such, it just goes through the motions of the post apocalyptic thriller genre, with the usual stereo-typical set up and characters, without firmly establishing the back story behind the majority of humanity being wiped out and making no sense. Most baffling is Danny Dyer's role as some sort of blood crazed zombie type character, probably the most mysterious thing about the whole uninspired mess. *

I actually thought the opening scenes were brilliant and fascinating to watch, albeit he was wandering streets around Bank which are deserted for much of any weekend, but enough to reel you in & put yourself in the position, particularly on Tower Bridge.

But the film then achieves a feat, surely never done before but going rapidly downhill the moment other characters & words are introduced into the plot.

It never really goes anywhere after that, the opening 50 minutes felt more like the opening episode of The Last Train, Survivor, or a relatively low budget TV mini series, when you realise there's only 30 minutes left and the film hasn't really started.

It then all gets even sillier, even more unrealistic and uninterested characters, you've never cared one iota for disappear with the help of over the top editing and flashbacks.

You can't help wondering why not one of them, ever got into a car or on a bike and rode off somewhere, instead of walking for 10 minutes, then stopping to rest for a few hours.

Worth watching for the first 15 minutes, then you're better off making up your own film from then - with the likelihood it'll end up better.