The Last Seven

Artistically fantastic - a wow take of the streets of London post-weirdness not so sure it continues to engage every viewer beyond the first 5 minutes watch, but don't expect a Hollywood Blockbuster

The movie is pretty easy to work out, having said that if your attention span isn't that good you will soon be turning it off. I was hoping it would be better But it isn't.

I despair for the British horror film genre. I really do.

In the space of just a few weeks I've watched this and Dead Cert, two prime examples of films that had promising premises but totally ballsed it up with inept direction and editing, lousy dialogue and rounded off with some truly pathetic acting.

I grew up in the 60's and 70's watching delights such as The Abominable Dr Phibes, Dr Terror's House of Horrors, Asylum, From Beyond The Grave, Tales From The Crypt, Frightmare, House of Whipcord, Scream and Scream Again, Theatre of Blood and many more.

These films had real actors, decent scripts, filmmakers who knew and understood the genre, not fly-by-nights trying to make a quick buck by dolling out any old rubbish.

Apart from Severance I haven't seen a decent British horror film in ages, and if today's filmmakers keep serving up crap like The Last Seven then my despair looks set to continue.

The Last Seven is amateur night crap, avoid!

Film tastes vary greatly, I am aware of this. Films that I love have been described to me as "boring" many times over the years. 'Rushmore' , 'The chaser', 'Halloween', all apparently "too slow", or I'm told that "noyhing happens". Well THIS is a movie where absolutely nothing happens for the entirety of it's excruciating running time (anything between 85 mins and a couple of months, depending on how you quantify time). I really have never been so bored in my life, it's as if Uwe Boll found a discarded script by Terence Malick and didn't really get it. Flashbacks featuring Danny Dyer crop up to piece together the supposed plot and it's final twist, and in the hope that all would be revealed and I could switch this piece of garbage off, I welcomed every scene that Dyer appeared in. And I never, ever thought I'd say that. It was not very good.

I do not review as often as I should, but sometimes I feel like not doing so would mean a sleepless night. This is one of those nights.

The Last Seven is arguably the most poorly constructed, ill-fated, and hopeless attempt at making a movie I have ever seen outside those who recognize the feebleness of their movie and attempt to at least derive some kind of humor out of the film. It is so difficult for me to decide where to begin, because everything is wrong.

If that does not satisfy your curiosity, then let me hit the big three as I see them.

Number 1: Character development. Throughout the entire film, I was never given any reason to care about any of the characters outside of a boo-hoo flashback for someones missed birthday. I didn't care if they lived, if they died, or if they were forced to sit through their own horrible acting. I just didn't care about anything that was happening to them in the slightest, and it destroyed what little bit of plot development there was. And when I say little, I mean LITTLE.

Number 2: Wannabe artistic filming and editing. Out of place flashbacks, requiem-for-a-dream shortcut film sequences, long, drawn out scenes flip-flopping with super short, shaky camera snapshot progressions, third grade special effects, the "hitchcock" scare (attempt) and the list goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on. And. On.

Number 3: Worse than a M. Night Shyamalan twist ending. Nuff said.

The only thing decent about this movie was the scenery, abandoned cities always look awesome.

Don't waste your time, and don't make me tell you I told you so.