Sasquatch Assault

Assault of the Sasquatch (2009)

* 1/2 (out of 4)

Extremely low-budget horror movie about a poacher who is captured by police so they take him and his truck back to the station. The police think there's a bear in the truck but it turns out to be Bigfoot who escapes and begins killing people across town. Soon the police and other characters are trapped inside the station and must fight off the legendary creature. ASSAULT OF THE SASQUATCH is not a good movie by any stretch of the imagination but at the same time I couldn't help but respect what it was going for. Considering the low-budget you can't help but think, for the most part, the film was technically done well and I'm going to guess that it could have been done even better had there been more money available. The problem with the film is the screenplay, which really doesn't know if it wants to be a straight horror film or if it was to be a self-parading spoof as there's quite a bit of comic relief and none of it is very funny. The majority of the comic relief comes from an overweight guy and another dork who are running around with a camera as they're members of The Sasquatch Society. I don't care what club they belong to but their antics seem like outtakes from ERNEST SCARED STUPID. It goes without saying but this is basically a remake of John Carpenter's ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 but with Bigfoot attacking instead of gangs. I thought this idea was actually a pretty good one as it was a nice touch having the people trapped inside a building with the creature on the outside killing as many people as it can. The film certainly earns its R-rating as we get a little bit of female nudity and there are all sorts of gory killings including various body parts being ripped open. The performances are pretty much what you'd expect from a flick like this but the majority of them get the job done. Again, this isn't a good movie and there's no question it runs out of gas around the hour mark but considering how many "B" horror movies I watched I'd say this here is certainly better made than most. The Bigfoot costume isn't the greatest but then again countless monster films from the 50s, 60s and 70s featured poor outfits.

When a merciless bear poacher is caught and arrested deep in the woods of a state park, he and his truck are taken to a neglected precinct in the heart of a dying city.

There is some attempt at humor here, such as the nerds approaching the prostitute. In fact, their very presence in the film seems like a running attempt to create comic relief. Members of the Sasquatch Society? Really?

I notice some people have criticized the "gorilla suit" the Sasquatch wears. And, frankly, if you have a Bigfoot in a movie, you probably should show him as little as possible. However, they did a pretty decent job here... and the CGI they used on the facial expressions was not bad (which is shocking after you see how terrible the CGI on the airplane is). This film is bad, but I have seen much worse.

Three hunters are out poaching for bear when they fortuitously trap a sasquatch. Terry Drake (Kevin Shea) seeing his monetary ship come in phones a mysterious collector to tell him he's finally tracked down what the collector is looking for. Though the sasquatch kills his companions, Drake manages to corral it into a truck.

Meanwhile, two game wardens (Greg Nutcher and Cristina Santiago) hear the goings-on and investigate, arresting Drake and driving the truck into the middle of downtown. Naturally the sasquatch escapes and does his sasquatch thing.

Hoo-boy. I can't decide which is worse, the acting or the writing or the "special effects." The two leads are actually okay and might have even been acceptable, if they'd had coherent writing to work with. Nutcher is decent and Santiago palatable. There is even hope for Sarah Ahearn who plays Nutcher's daughter Jessica. Shea, however, chews scenery as if it was beef jerky.

The storyline makes little sense ... if I am generously assuming there is a plot and seems to involve some flashbacks with little context and little integration to the rest of the plot. I understand the writer might have been attempting a horror-comedy. Well he failed.

Don't even get me started on the special effects. The sasquatch is clearly a man in a modified gorilla suit and there wasn't even much modification as other reviewers have mentioned.

The only reason it didn't get one star from me is that some of the actors were clearly doing their best with the material and direction they were given.

Even if you love really bad movies as much as I do, skip this one.

Greedy poachers capture the mythical sasquatch in the backwoods of Smalltown, America. Through some unfortunate circumstances, said monster gets dropped at the local police station, and starts eviscerating everyone in the vicinity.

The plot, like most monster movies, fits on a napkin, and the director has a hard time deciding if this is to be taken seriously. Some of the murders are wrenching, some completely goofy. Switching from comedy to horror makes for some intriguing and unbalanced 90 minutes, but at least it kept me on my toes.

Most leads are very capable, especially Sarah J. Ahearn. I also enjoyed the love-bitten rookie cop, as well as the naughty kickboxing secretary. Lots of colourful characters in this one. Unfortunately, the man-in-a-suit monster is not believable for a minute, which is ultimately this otherwise pleasant and kooky movie's downfall.

What made me rent this movie was a tweet Joe Rogan made about how bad it was. No joke! And when I saw internet personality Shawn C. Phillips was in it, I had to see it! I had a lot of fun with this movie. Yes, it is a "bad" movie, but it is a fun bad movie. Th Sasquatch is hokey, the acting is bad and the story is a mess. But isn't that what we want from these kinds of flicks? Shawn C. Phillips fans, you will not be disappointed. He screams every and chews scenery like there was no tomorrow. His face goes beet red, veins popping out of his skull, Dennis Hopper in "Blue Velvet" times 10 type stuff. He really is a loon in this. I seriously thought the poor guy was going to have an aneurysm or a heart attack watching this. It was scary! Everyone else was "blah" but on the fun side of bad at least. Everyone knew they were making a fun b-movie, and a fun b-movie it is.

This is heads and tails above similar fare from the SyFy Channel and The Asylum. Where those movies opt for dry and bland, this delivers the goods with several really good kills, foul language and a sense of humor. a good job by all!! If you like these types of B-Movies, you will like this.