- Sweetwater: Sarge, Haggard's running away again!
- Redford: Hold on, something ain't right.
- Sweetwater: I know, look at him, he runs like a girl.
- Redford: No, not that. I'm talking about something else.
- Haggard: My middle name's "Not Safe"...well, actually it's Gordon..but errr...
- [walks away awkwardly]
- [after Haggard "invades" a neutral country looking for the mercenary's gold]
- Sarge: Is this you idea of "fun", Haggard?
- Haggard: Well... yeah?
- Haggard: How do you know she's hot? I had a cousin who had a real sweet voice, but she had a face like a can of dog food.
- Sweetwater: Is that the one you dated?
- Haggard: Yup...
- Haggard: [when the player picks up a Specialist weapon] Is...is that a silencer? That's kinda girly.
- Miss July: [Over radio] You're facing court marshal Sergeant, I don't think you'll be going anywhere for at least 2 to 4 months, out!
- Sarge: Damnit!
- Haggard: Oh this is bad. This is bad.
- Sweetwater: Yeah, this is real bad, Haggard. Real Bad!
- Haggard: Can't be as bad as Kris Kristofferson's third album.
- Sweetwater: It's worse!
- Haggard: This is BAD!
- Sweetwater: I know what I'm doing!
- Haggard: [mockingly] You know what you're doin'! You know what you're doin'! If I had a penny for every time you said that, I wouldn't be needing this gold!
- Sweetwater: Saaaarge, Haggard's running away again!
- Redford: Well, look at that...
- Sweetwater: I know! He runs like a girl!
- Haggard: Oh look. New guy's dead.
- Sweetwater: Already? I was just about to learn his name.
- Haggard: I think it was probably Joe. Usually is.
- Sarge: His name's Preston. Preston Marlowe. And he's not dead. Right, soldier?
- Haggard: [after being threatened by the Army] Oh yeah? Says you and what army?
- Sweetwater: What?!
- Haggard: Well, I've just always wanted to say that.
- Sweetwater: Why?!
- Haggard: Sounds cool.
- Sarge: [after Haggard "Invades" a neutral country] I hate to say this, but we're going to have to go in there after him.
- Sweetwater: Do we REALLY have to go? I mean, do we REALLY REALLY need to go get him?
- Sarge: [Both Marlow and Sarge look at Sweetwater sideways] Move out!
- Preston: Honour. Faith. Land. Oil. Wars are fought for any number of reasons. But... on the battlefield, every soldier has to find his own. As things turn out, me and my buddies found a pretty interesting one.
- Haggard: Woah, are those some sort of super-secret military attack vehicles?
- Sweetwater: Yup, real advanced stuff there Hags.
- Haggard: That's funny, because they look like golf carts... Sweatwater.
- Haggard: [Haggard and Sarge Walking away from Seetwater after he spots the dead Russian soldier]
- Sweetwater: Come on, you guys, I heard that he pays his troops in solid gold bars.
- Haggard: Let me just check for a pulse... in his pockets.
- Sweetwater: Am I the only one getting cold feet about this?
- Haggard: Yep. Embrace the sucks, Sweetwater. Embrace the suck.
- Haggard: Darn it, I just remembered I traded my last piece of beef jerky.
- Sweetwater: For what?
- Haggard: Cigarettes... but I don't smoke. So I traded them for a tube of back cream.
- Redford: You got back problems?
- Haggard: No... I was hoping the guy with my beef jerky would want it.