Abduction

ABDUCTION: The town of Process is located somewhere in rural New Jersey (where else?).

It's been in existence for over 100 years, although it's not on any known map. It's a nice place to visit, with lovely shops and friendly people. That is unless you are single, young, healthy and good looking! It's even worse if you are a female of childbearing age.

The town has a very lucrative underground and Internet business specializing in selling human organs for transplant, selling babies to loving couples who are barren and auctioning young women into sex slavery. They also have specialty shops which do a brisk business in antiques, leather crafts, custom wigs and used automobiles. The town's patriarch, Jacob, is in control of everything and rules the town with his nephew, Johnny, that is until they kidnap the wrong girl. Unbeknownst to Jacob and his followers, they kidnap a popular, well not popular in the United States yet, Brazilian Hip Hop Star named Bella. What follows is their attempt to dispose of ...

Right off the bat...the music in the opening credits put you off. They don't fit. It sets the pace for a bad time had by all. Whomever chose this score had to be way high. It makes zero sense. And you have to sit through it through the entire opening credits!

Then comes the really really bad acting where girls sound like they are reading from a cue card. Bad reading too.

Then there is the cut away editing that is so choppy it's annoying.

And someone actually says the Internet is the wave of the future! The film was taped in 2009!!!!! This IS the future fellows. You missed it. There is no coherent story and that music keeps coming back! Oh MYYYYY. Gag me with a spoon and shoot me in the head. This has to be one of the worst movies ever made. And IMDb says it's budget was $500K!!! Where's the money go? Crack?

First victim breaks up with her BF and actually sez she went out "drive- ink." I repeat: DRIVE-INK. Where did they find these people? Then she gets tasered into a pool and they take her out with a tiny fishing net that's you'd use for trout.

OMG. There is not one frame that makes sense.

I watched a part of this movie on Netflix instant watch. I actually enjoy the genre of cheesy horror films many of which I can easily sit through. Why would anyone agree to distribute this movie? I'm convinced that this is a porn production companies weak attempt at making a soft-core/horror movie. Questions for the writer/producer: Why were all the girls dressed like prostitutes BEFORE they are abducted? Is there a reason you shaved off girls eyebrows and painted them back on? Why did you waste so much time on a convincing cover and not enough time on writing/producing the movie? ...anyway this might be worth a watch, just make sure you are taking notes on how NOT to make a movie.

Are you kidding me? This movie got distribution? If it's not the worse movie ever made it's certainly in the top three. And these people leaving positive reviews? are they serious? Or just family members that acted in the movie. Poor writing. Must be the worst i've ever heard. The lighting looks like it was done by a ten year old. The directing was done by a 5 year old, the acting couldn't be worse if they were actually trying to be the worst movie ever made. I feel sorry for everyone who had to sit thru this movie. Are you getting the point here? it's awful. Terrible. Lousy. Can you see that i was mad paying for it? It's a student film! And a BAD student film. Good God.

Problem: You're a relatively ugly looking guy, and you want to see some large breasted, but rather homely otherwise, women topless. But when you ask, they just laugh at you.

Solution: Buy a digital camera, and get a few of your plain friends and make a "movie" and invite these solidly average women with large breasts, I mean on a scale of 1 to 10 these "actresses" are a 6 at best even with artificial tits, to "star" in it.

And the result is this film. I give it a zero for acting, but added 1 point for having the balls to release what is obviously a scam targeted at desperate women trying to "make it" in the movies well beyond their prime. I also added another point for the tits. But I subtracted that point again, since the tits were AWFUL. Whoever did the boob-jobs on these women (grandmothers?) should have their license revoked.

Obviously, the only good reviews on this movie were submitted by people that either starred in this POS or are somehow involved in the production (and I use that word loosely). Since I watched this on Netflix, I wasn't expecting too much...and I was right. Only I didn't know how right I was until i sat through this abortion of a movie.

Here's what I have concluded by watching "Abduction": -It was filmed using a Flipcam that was being operated by a monkey with Parkinson's disease. Oh, and the monkey was apparently told to film absolutely everything...everything. -It was lighted by a 4-cell MagLite -The sound was by Mr. Microphone -It was edited with Windows Movie Maker...though the film makers used restraint and decided not to go with the "star-fade" transition. -They paid the women with Sudafed so that they could make and smoke more

Meth. -The breast implant surgery on all these women was performed by the same doctor that performed Tara Reid's surgery. -I've seen better acting at my 4 year old niece's Christmas pageant.

Prior reviews have said that this is the director's "Best Work!", so that means two things: 1) He's actually been allowed to make movies before and 2)this is his "best work". Heed my warning: Don't waste your time on this POS unless you really, really, REALLY have nothing better to do. And if that's the case, you should get out more...