- Tucker Max: Here's to the people we've met, and the people we've fucked And to those of us who have had no such luck Here's to beer in the glass and vodka in the cup Here's to poking her in the ass so she won't get knocked up Here's to all of you and here's to me... Together as friends we should always be... But if we should ever disagree... Then fuck all of you and here's to me!
- Drew: I can only assume by your cavalier attitude that you have yet partake in the wonderment that is the Pancakewich. Allow me to enlighten you. What happens is the one true god grows Panecakewiches on trees in the Elitian fields using a mystical incantation, he then proceeds to magick them down to your local eatery where whatever societal reject Griddlworld has rescued off the dole that week gently wraps them in cellophane and passes them along to you, the fortunate consumer. You proceed to ingest this finery in the vain hope that your obviously overmatched tastebuds can somehow comprehend the delectable intricacies that face them. Is that egg? Why yes, yes it is. And bacon too. But wait, did they...? They didn't. Yes, they did, they did indeed. They added cheese. And then, then my friend, they wrapped it in a sumptuous pancake bun. As your tastebuds try to process that amazing piece of information, it hits them: the syrup nugget. The motherfucking syrup nugget. It announces itself with a burst of confectionery grandiosity the likes of which your pallet has never seen!
- Drew: Greetings. Uh... the army men the good guys? I see you have some robot truck men here too. You shouldn't mix genres like that. It screws up your morale and jeopardizes the efficacy of your tactics. Okay, I guess we can work with it. What exactly are you playing?
- Jack: Well, the GI Bobs are gonna surprise attack those Legos.
- Drew: I know that you are but 7 years old. This rigmarole you have here just won't work. Your flanks are exposed. You're vulnerable to an enfilade from Lego artillery. I think it's time that you learn the proper way to set up an L-shaped ambush.
- Jack: What's a flank?
- Drew: It's a good thing I came.
- Club Patron: That'll be another $120!
- Tucker Max: [to the Feminist girls] Holy shit! You guys aren't worth that much
- Melissa: [smugly] Oh our company is priceless.
- Drew: If it lacks a price... It's probably worthless.
- Drew: Oh, I'm onto your game, De Nils. Diamonds are worthless other than the value attached to them by the silly tramps you have brain washed into thinking that diamonds equal love. Guess what, sluts? Your quest for the perfect princess cut supports terrorism and genocide. Congratulations, your avarice has managed to destroy an entire continent!
- Tucker Max: I'm gonna hit that so hard, the person that pulls it out will become the next king of England.
- Tucker Max: Exercise is supposed to be good, let's play some hoops.
- Drew: We have class... That place we pay 35 grand a year to attend between happy hours.
- Tucker Max: Eh, that place is dumb.