Bikini Girls on Ice

Bikini Girls on Ice tries to be a throwback to 80's slashers but lacks atmosphere, nudity, gore or a credible killer. I can live with the girls being terrible actors, clearly they were hired for their ability to wear a bikini but their characters were unlikable and dumb. Likewise, all the male characters except one are unlikable and dumb. The story, thin as it is, doesn't make any sense. The killer, played by William Jarand, kept making weird grunting sounds and was just not menacing. Maybe if this were edited down to 60 minutes it would be watchable, maybe slightly enjoyable, but there is just too much fluff. Slashers were a genre of their time, difficult to replicate these days.

Heading out for a team exercise, members of a cheerleading squad holding a bikini carwash are forced to use the seemingly abandoned gas station where they breakdown for their fundraiser only to find it home to a maniacal killer hunting them one-by-one.

This was a pretty solid slasher effort. Among its more intriguing aspects is the chilling slasher setup that works the formula quite effectively. The manner of acquiring the necessary bodies at the remote location, having the bus break down at the location forcing them to perform their duties there causes this to feel quite familiar for old-school slasher fanatics. With the familiar formula of the clueless kids wandering around the area and getting into surprise confrontations with the killer, it generates a likable and immersible setup. There's also a lot to like here with the actual slashing scenes throughout here. From the opening stalking and ambush of the lone traveler to the quick disposal of the tourists and in incredibly tense stalking in the darkened office building, this one manages to work an extremely effective mixture of suspense and brutality. The attacks are unrelenting and over-the-top in how much punishment is doled out to victims have a spectacular air to it, and with the high-energy finale as the relentless stalking and chasing which highlights his personality really well, there's quite a lot to like about it. There are a couple of flaws found here. The biggest issue here is the film's rather confusing and somewhat irritating main group of girls who are completely oblivious to everything around them and stay there far longer than they should. Staying there the entire day into the night in their bikinis is one thing but failing to recognize when others have left, leaving tasks to investigate unnatural noises that aren't human, or dealing with personal issues instead of staying together to put themselves in his path make them out to be far too stupid at times merely to prolong this one for no reason. The other issue that holds this back is the wholly confusing nature of the killer who's brutal but a complete unknown. The only clue to his name comes from a throwaway remark about the name tag on his uniform when they notice it near the end of the film, there's nothing about what he's doing the packed-in-ice thing for or what it means, and the entire thing with him is a blur. As well, the film somewhat suffers from some typical low-budget issues in terms of the effects work or other issues that denote its low-budget appeal, but overall, these aren't as detrimental.

Rated Unrated/R: Graphic Language, Graphic Violence, Nudity, and a sex scene.

If you are a horror geek you can't get a better title than Bikini Girls On Ice. One reason to give Geoff Klein (director and writer) a big cheer. Secondly, they knew how to promote their slasher, put a girl on the cover of the DVD wearing a revealing bikini, another cheer. So far the good points, sadly it's down hill from here on. It's really a slasher but one we have seen a thousand times. Nothing is explained about the killer, not who he is or why he's killing or why he use ice. Of course, once the girls have a break down with their bus on the way to a bikini car wash they've been warned by a local that something is terrible wrong with the abandoned gas station. The killer itself is believable but there is no gore in it. It's all filmed from the view of the victim so you only see him hitting and smashing heads. Now and then you see a bit of blood spurting on the lens. Just at the end it is enjoyable due the suspense given. And then there are of course the girls. Admit it, you not only watched it for the horror but also for the juggs. And it's a bit flat (no pun intended) on that way too. With a title like that you expect that the bikini's will be removed, well I have to disappoint you freaks, just one girl show her titties. And talking about their boobs, I guess the Americans will be disappointed by the 'natural' breasts by the girls. For the other geeks worldwide, there are no two-a penny fake tits wannabees. Maybe Suzi Lorraine has fake ones, she's the most loaded of them all. And have a look, the title really worked, I'm talking more about that than about the horror.

This review have also been uploaded to my user page, Bml93, at Listal.com

Well, what can you actually expect from a title with the name of Bikini Girls on Ice? It's not really a film you put on if you want to see top- notch quality. But is it a crime to put on a film like this, in hope for it to be entertaining? No, it's not. Bikini Girls on Ice is exactly what it sounds like in one way, and it's far from what one would expect in another, more crucial way. It's what you would expect in that the title delivers exactly what it says. Girls walking around in bikinis, only to be put on ice later. Unfortunately, the film doesn't deliver where it should deliver. It fails to fulfill the number one rule of slasher films. It's not entertaining.

When you seek out films like this, there's only two things you need in order to be entertained. Some well-placed nudity (these are films for guys after all) and some cheap, imaginative and gory kills. This is supposed to be cheap entertainment in almost a "so bad it's good" way. If those two things are delivered, it's very easy to forgive things as atrocious actors portraying not particularly likable characters and an idiotic plot. But when the film fails to deliver those two things, you're left with a real turd.

It's really hard to see what the director of this film was actually thinking? What creative reason did he have for choosing the decision that ruined the little hope this film had to come off as passable entertainment? You see, instead of filming stupid, hot and naked teenagers getting brutally murdered in the most unthinkable ways, writer/director Geoff Klein decided for a completely different approach to the material. He decided to have every kill offscreen. Instead of seeing people getting unmercifully maimed, Klein decided to show blood sprouting over the wall or the killer's face instead. Aside from one kill (who is painfully generic), every kill in this film is happening offscreen. It's beyond my belief how a 2009 film ended up by doing that.

It doesn't even have that many kills in it. We're early in the film introduced to a bus load of bikini clothed females, but after some minutes of tame, supposedly erotic, car washing, half of the females just walks(!) away. We're cheated for four-five more kills in the most illogical and stupid manner possible. So Klein obviously thinks that seeing a few girls getting murdered offscreen in their bikins is enough to entertain. It's not. It's not nearly enough.

It's quite simply a film that doesn't manage to compensate for it's awful script and acting. The film delivers girls dressed in bikins as the title promises, but it doesn't deliver any of the actual good things one would expect from a title like that. We're shown one set of boobs and actually shown one kill. The rest is offscreen, and that makes for really bad film.

Actually the title itself is a sufficient enough reason to stay clear of this movie. I watched it, though, in the slight hope that it might actually turn out to be a decent slasher movie. But no, it was quite the opposite.

The story is very simple and generic; a group of young women get trapped in the middle of nowhere with a deviant killer on the rampage.

"Bikini Girls On Ice" was an entertaining as it was original, enough said. The murderer is no next Jason, Freddy or Michael that is fore sure. In fact you will have forgotten about him immediately when the movie ends. And as for the actual killings, well nothing out of the ordinary, a shame because it could have been what salvaged the movie.

All throughout the movie the girls were in bikinis, hence the title. Yeah, I know that it might appeal to a large group of guys, but it was just idiotic. Why would people run around in bikinis during night time? So these women could bring mobile phones but not clothes? It was just so pathetically lame.

If you, like me, enjoy a good and entertaining slasher movie, then do yourself a favor and stay well clear of "Bikini Girls On Ice". I suffered through it so you don't have to.