Parable

Story 1.00/2 - Direction & Pacing 2.25/4 - Performances 1.00/2 - Entertainment 1.00/2

Total 5.25/10.

Ah, "Parable," the possession horror comedy that left me possessed with mixed feelings. It's like ordering a meat feast pizza with extra toppings and getting plain cheese-sure, it's still pizza, but where's the excitement?

The premise demonstrates potential, a Pandora's box of possibilities awaiting opening. Regrettably, it appears the writers followed the path more travelled, consigning me to yearn for a road less cliché. The humour is as mild as Grandma's spice rack, and the narrative feels as though it's stuck in first gear, desperately searching for the elusive second.

The characters are about as complex as a stick figure. I mean, really? Must every South African youth be portrayed as a druggie? Talk about a stereotype on steroids. It's like they took a shortcut through a field of clichés instead of exploring the rich tapestry of diverse personalities available.

And let's talk about the direction. While there are a few visually pleasing shots, it's like a well-decorated cake with mediocre frosting. Parable required an ample sprinkling of creativity and a dash of unpredictability. Instead, we find ourselves on a straight road with no exciting detours.

Now, the group possession scenes. Oh boy. These zombies move slower than a sloth on sedatives, and their jerky motions are worse than a gangster doing a "Spandau Ballet". What should've been a thrilling dance of horror and humour is merely a tedious shuffle of irritation and stupidity.

Yet, I'll give credit where it's due-the performers do their best. It's a shame the script and direction didn't get the memo. Despite their efforts, they're like the heroes trying to save a sinking ship with a leaky bucket.

Ultimately, "Parable" is invariably like that okay-ish blind date. Sure, you'll typically survive it once but don't expect a second rendezvous. There are naturally plenty of better cinematic fish in the boundless sea. I suggest you go fishing to hook one of these and throw this one back.

A simple plot - gay conversion therapy goes wrong - occasionally feels like comedy was included but removed. What remains is incongruous, childish slapstick in a film with strong horror themes.

There are no heroes; all the main characters have flaws. Having teen leads is always a limitation, as filmmakers often hold back from visiting the worst hardships on the young. Not so here. Even infant children are clearly harmed; nobody is safe. Age, innocence and loyalty are no protection.

There are character errors and inconsistencies, possibly to stretch the runtime, and we are expected to believe a gated community for the wealthy would be kept waiting several hours for a police response, but the strengths easily outweigh the weaknesses and removing less than ten minutes of silliness would leave a cracking good, adult-oriented film, with few punches pulled.

The opening was okay. +1

Do not stand in the way of the Lord. As the Reverend is for some reason on TV, preaching about turning South Africa back to Jesus. Then we get to watch the Rev pray.

The whole movie after that is really bad. This big 'reverend' with the cowboy hat chases around this demon girl in a bloody dress for the next hour plus. She runs around eating flesh off of anything she can find. Humans, animals, whatever. Three non believers join in the chase.

The scenes just switch back and forth mostly just of people running around. -4.

The whole thing reeks of a bad student film really. Horrifyingly bad.

2/10.

I'm afraid that I'm ashamed to be South African tonight. The movie is pointless and it was the worst acting I've ever seen. It is time I will never get back. The worst horror something that I've experienced in my 20 plus years of horror movie watching. The best part was when I pressed stop at the end.