Vipers

Look out for the vipers! They are coming and they are going to bite your face right off of your body and then eat it and they you will be totes dead!

Tara Reid might be able to save us from the vipers I sure hope so otherwise they will bite right through our chests and we will be so completely dead.

I am scared of snakes and the scariest snakes of all are these vipers with their super strength and genius level intelligence. They are hunting us and will kill us all! They will come for us in our sleep and eat our heads off!

Save us Tera Reid!

The tagline says 'First Comes The Slither, Then Comes The Slaughter', but it could easily be changed to 'Then Comes The Yawner. Because that is what this film exactly did. It bore me to death.

Yeah, people could argue that B-movies aren't suppose to stimulate you, and the only reason directors direct these kind of films is to kill your time on a Sunday morning is just wrong. I mean, there are other B-films that is as good as the mainstream films, except that these films are produced on a smaller budget and not as widely promoted.

But I digress.

I spent an hour or so watching this film, hoping that it will get better. Sadly, it did not. I was disappointed at the plot dynamics (or the lack of it), the annoying snakes, and the unreal storyline.

I am hoping that others will watch other films instead, or if you have watch the other films, maybe cleaning your backyard and/or planting new trees on your garden is not such a bad idea.

There is a break in the Universal BioTech laboratory and vipers escape. The CEO Burton (Corbin Bernsen) seeks out Dr. Vera Collins (Jessica Steen), who is researching the healing of breast cancer using the vipers' venom, and tells that the secret facility was researching enhanced vipers to produce more venom.

Meanwhile in the peaceful island Eden Cove, in the Pacific Northwest, the vipers attack the residents. The newcomer doctor Cal Taylor (Jonathan Scarfe), who has come from the army, leads a small group of survivors to attract the vipers and save the locals from complete destruction and they discover an evil plan of Burton and his chief of security John Staffen (Michael Kopsa).

"Vipers" is a silly B-movie with a terrible conclusion. After the death of most of the residents, Nicky is happy in love with Cal and the annoying Maggie, who has just lost her parents, is smiling with Dr. Silverton. This is enough to qualify this movie as stupid and ridiculous. My vote is three.

Title (Brazil): "O Ataque das Víboras" ("The Vipers Attack")

The acting isn't terrible given this ridiculous script. I don't know how you mutate a venomous snakes venom but apparently I'm doing so five snakes miraculously turn into hundreds of fully grown vipers. And apparently these snakes eat people in bites like a canine or lion or bear.

This movie would have been better had they not tried to amp up the situation by turning to the ridiculous. The Pacific Northwest is not known to be a haven for snakes since it is quite cold there.

Finally, the budget on SFX was abysmally wasted. The digital snakes sometimes move like a snake would but more often than not the snakes are just too damned fast and (especially ridiculous) move in a linear manner like a child's toy being pulled on a string. Oh yes, did you know that dying snakes cry out like an injured dog? Neither did I.

There are points where you can see how it might have been better, but more often than not it's just laughably bad.

Pretty sure this movie had the slowest car chase in the history of movies. Most of the movie consisted of a few seconds of people talking followed by a few seconds of slithering snakes. Just over and over. It was insipid.

It didn't start out bad: Had a decent set-up, there were some good actors in it, and the location could have been fantastic, but was completely under-utilized. Overall, not a good effort and forgettable.

Survival Lesson: Do not fill up radio space with inane banter, especially during an active operation.