- Penny: Well, I ran into him last week and, he was just, all apologetic, about how he's changed, and he was just going on and on and, and I believed him, and I'm an idiot because I always believe guys like that and... I can't go back to my party because he's there, and I know you don't want to hear this but I'm upset and I'm really drunk and I just want to talk...
- [Bursts into tears and rests head on Leonard's shoulder]
- Leonard: There, there.
- Penny: God, what is wrong with me?
- Leonard: Nothing; you're perfect.
- Penny: I'm not perfect.
- Leonard: Yes, you are.
- Penny: You really think so, don't you?
- [She kisses him]
- Leonard: Penny?
- Penny: Yeah?
- Leonard: How much have you had to drink tonight?
- Penny: Just... a lot.
- Leonard: Are you sure that your being drunk, and your being angry with Kurt doesn't have something to do with what's going on here?
- Penny: It might. Boy, you're really smart.
- Leonard: Yeah, I'm a frickin' genius.
- Penny: Leonard, you are so great. Why can't all guys be like you?
- Leonard: Because if all guys were like me, the human race couldn't survive.
- Leonard: [after getting kissed by Penny in his Hobbit costume] That's right, you saw what you saw. That's how we roll in the Shire!
- Sheldon: Like Jane Goodall observing the apes, I initially saw their interactions as confusing and unstructured, but patterns emerge, they have their own... language if you will.
- Leonard: Go on.
- Sheldon: Well, it seems that the newcomer approaches the existing group With the greeting: "How wasted am I?" which is met with an approving chorus of: "Dude!"
- Leonard: Then what happens?
- Sheldon: That's as far as I've gotten.
- Raj Koothrappali: [dressed as Thor, Norse God of Thunder] Hey. Sorry I'm late but my hammer got stuck in the door on the bus.
- Leonard: You went with Thor?
- Raj Koothrappali: What? Just because I'm Indian I can't be a Norse God? No, no, no Raj has to be an Indian God. That's racism. I mean, look at Wolowitz. He's not English but he's dressed like Peter Pan. Sheldon is neither sound nor light but he's obviously the Doppler effect.
- Howard Wolowitz: I'm not Peter Pan. I'm Robin Hood.
- Raj Koothrappali: Really? Because I saw Peter Pan and you're dressed exactly like Cathy Rigby. She was a little bigger than you but it's basically the same look, man.
- Leonard: Are misfiring neurons in your hippocampus preventing the conversion from short term to long-term memory?
- [first lines]
- Raj Koothrappali: OK, if no-one else will say it, I will. We really suck at paint-ball.
- Howard Wolowitz: That was absolutely humiliating.
- Leonard: Oh, come on, some battles you win, some battles you lose.
- Howard Wolowitz: Yes, but you don't have to lose to Kyle Bernstein's Bar-Mitzvah party.
- Leonard: I think we have to acknowledge those were some fairly savage preadolescent Jews.
- Sheldon: No, we were annihilated by our own incompetent and the inability of some people to follow the chain of command.
- Leonard: Sheldon, let it go!
- Sheldon: No, I want to talk about the fact that Wolowitz shot me in the back.
- Howard Wolowitz: I shot you for good reason. You were leading us into disaster.
- Sheldon: I was giving clear, concise orders.
- Leonard: You hid behind a tree yelling: "Get the kid in the yarmulke; get the kid in the yarmulke!"
- Raj Koothrappali: If only I had his confidence. I have such difficulty speaking to women. Or around women. Or at times even effeminate men.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Of course we're all animals, but some of us have climbed a little higher on the evolutionary tree.
- Sheldon Cooper: If he understands that, you're in trouble.
- Kurt: So, what? I'm unevolved?
- Sheldon Cooper: You're in trouble.
- Howard Wolowitz: Hey guys, check out the sexy nurse. I believe it's time for me to turn my head and cough.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm going to assert my dominance face-to-face.
- Sheldon Cooper: Face-to-face? Are you gonna wait for him to sit down, or are you gonna stand on the coffee table?
- Sheldon Cooper: Maybe she wants to be friends and he wants something more.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Then he and I are on equal ground.
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes, but you're much closer to it than he is.
- Howard Wolowitz: If that's a working stethoscope, maybe you'd like to hear my heart skip a beat?
- Roberta: No thanks.
- Howard Wolowitz: No, seriously, you can. I have transient idiopathic arrhythmia,
- Sheldon Cooper: Aren't you afraid I'll embarrass you?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yes, but I need a wingman.
- Sheldon Cooper: Alright, but if we're going to use flight metaphors, I'm much more suited to being the guy from the FAA analyzing wreckage.
- Leonard: [knock on the door] I'll get it!
- [Leonard, dressed as the Flash, answers the door]
- Howard Wolowitz: PSHYOOO!
- [Howard zooms through the door. He's also the Flash. He and Leonard are shocked]
- Leonard: Oh, no!
- Sheldon: Oh, no!
- [Sheldon approaches. He's also the Flash]
- Raj Koothrappali: Make way for the fastest man alive!
- [Raj comes through the door. He's the Flash as well]
- Raj Koothrappali: Oh, no!
- Sheldon: See, this is why I wanted to have a costume meeting.