The Machine Girl

After her brother is murdered by a ninja-yakuza clan, a teenage girl seeks vengeance with her gatling gun. First and foremost, this movie has enough blood spray to fill Lake Erie. The death scenes are numerous, highly inventive, and extremely entertaining. The pacing is just about perfect, with the action scenes positioned within the running time in such a way that avoids any dullness. One surprising positive is the camera-work, which shows blood sprays for incredibly long periods of time. This is definitely a movie that soaks itself in excess. The story itself plays out rather seriously, but the black humor is laid on thick during the fights, so some laugh-out-loud moments are almost guaranteed along the way. This is a very satisfying action gore-fest because of its impressively long finale.

I've already heard some artsy snobs complaining about this movie in terms of character development. I'm just wondering why these tards even decided to watch this movie to begin with. They should have known exactly what they were going to get. You don't see the name Tsai Ming-liang on the DVD case, do you?

This really was my summer blockbuster popcorn flick of 2008. Everyone else can have their little CGI prairie dogs, animated monkeys, and space aliens. You can have your superheros, sequels, and remakes (can Hollywood think of anything new?). The fact remains that THIS movie should be playing on 3,000 screens! That will never happen in the USA though with it's dumb-as-dirt moviegoers who flock like sheep to see the most derivative tripe dished out by those Californian bloodsuckers. Do you people have ANY standards whatsoever?

On a positive note, that's another success this year in terms of my most highly anticipated films. "Chocolate" (a Thai action flick), "The Machine Girl", and "Tokyo Gore Police were all insanely entertaining. And maybe "High School Girl Rika: Zombie Hunter" can round out a great 2008 for Japanese Horror.

You don't get great stuff like this out of the States. Man, is there any reason to watch American movies anymore?

I first thought that I was watching something from the grind-house era, then I noticed that this movie is only two months old. If this is where we are going, then get some waders folks, as the blood pours in this film. I'm talking blood spurting like a lawn sprinkler every time someone gets a body part cut off. Believe you me, there are plenty of body parts flying in this film.

If you like seeing a chef eat his fingers on a sushi roll, if you like seeing arms and legs and heads cut off, if you like blood all over, then you will love this film.

Yes our Rose had a machine gun leg in Planet Terror, but in this film, you get a machine gun arm, and a chainsaw leg and a chainsaw arm. But that isn't all. You get to see a drill bra that just shreds some luscious melons.

If you are a comic fan, then you will enjoy this as it is definitely over the top.

If you, like me, are fed up with movies that promise heaps of action, gore, and blistering violence but then wuss out in every possible way, allow me to direct you to THE MACHINE GIRL, a live action Japanese offering that is so balls-out crazy and over-the-top across the board that it brought an ear-to-ear smile to my face. I was intrigued by this film's trailer when I saw it several months ago, so when I stumbled across the movie itself while DVD shopping the other day I figured I'd take a chance on it, and, hoo-boy, am I glad I did. I've frequently decried the crappy quality of many recent action flicks from the Land of the Rising Sun, but this one gets a solid 10 out of 10 for its unfailing intent to give the bloodthirsty audience exactly what it wants. And then some! It's the goriest film I've seen in who knows how long, and as per what you'd expect from the Japanese it's barking mad in its over the top carnage and violence; no bullshit, I had exclaimed "Holy $#!+!" no less than three times before the movie was even five minutes into its running time.

A sterling example of the tried and true "you killed my brother" revenge genre, THE MACHINE GIRL takes the story of a high school girl named Ami (Minase Yashiro, in her film debut) who seeks retribution for her younger brother's murder at the hands of a pack of sadistic bullies and sends it clear into the stratosphere of mayhem-laden ass-whuppin' by rendering the sanguinary set pieces as impossibly and cartoonishly spewy as is possible to depict, all while maintaining a brisk pace that barely allows viewers time to catch their breath. The character development is minimal at best, and once the heroine's motivation is established, it's off to the races. To put it as simply as the film does, Ami tracks down the bullies and metes out justice accented with geysers of blood and entrails, losing her left arm in a one-two punch of a tempura deep-frying and a samurai sword dismemberment along the way, eventually replacing her missing limb with a fully functional assault helicopter's machine gun — complete with a seemingly endless supply of rounds — and, near the film's climax, a chain saw originally wielded by her garage mechanic ally.

And as if that isn't enough, the cowardly jerkwad who leads the bullies is revealed to not only be a spoiled Yakuza prince, but also the heir to a clan of ninja descended from the legendary Hattori Hanzo himself, so we also get modern day ninja action thrown into the mix for good, extra-stupid measure. It's an orgy of bloodshed, creative demises, loony superheroics, and a complete disconnect from reality in one of those worlds where the police simply do not exist until well after the participants in the mayhem have bled out, and I thoroughly enjoyed every frame of the damned thing.

As you've probably gathered, THE MACHINE GIRL is unrelentingly excessive, but the film is so crazy that it soon veers into outright parody of its own genre and is frequently hilarious because it's all played totally straight, with heaps of ass-kicking and violence committed by a cute schoolgirl in one of those now-fetishized school uniforms. And what's not to love about a film featuring the return of the favorite weapon of all us martial arts movie buffs: the venerable "flying guillotine?" And, yes, there's more than a bit of a debt owed to both PLANET TERROR (2007) and ARMY OF DARKNESS (1992), but I had more fun with this movie than both of those flicks combined (and I liked both of them to varying degrees). And just so we're absolutely clear on this, Peter Jackson's DEAD ALIVE (aka BRAIN DEAD, 1992) still gets my vote as the goriest film ever made — or that it's even possible to make — but THE MACHINE GIRL gives it a damned good shot at the title, and it's entertaining as hell. Take my word for it and put THE MACHINE GIRL at the top of your Netflix queue immediately!

Ami Hyuga (Minase Yashiro) lives a normal life... until her brother is killed by the Yakuza and some red-suited ninjas. Then she seeks revenge! Not strong enough, she is captured and tortured, losing her arm in the process. Again, she seeks revenge... this time with the help of a mechanic, his wife and her new Gatling gun arm. The ultimate in vengeance cinema.

The poster for this film makes the claim that this is the sort of film Quentin Tarantino wishes he could make. That comparison is about as dead-on as one could be, as the similarities between "Machine Girl" and "Kill Bill" are overwhelming. Woman getting revenge against a crime syndicate... fountains of spraying blood (more here than in "Bill") and even a Hattori Hanzo sword. Fans of "Bill" should be all over this like Homer Simpson on a doughnut.

Swords, chainsaws... throwing stars... the works. Blood, blood and more geysers of blood. Sadly, some of the film is computer-generated (pretty much the majority of the violence), but it didn't take away from the film as much as I thought it might. One enemy losing his face, another getting his head chopped (half) off... could have been done traditionally, but I don't think this was outrageously bad.

This film is a rush... cheer it on, soak in the violence, drink plenty of Scotch. I don't know what to say... it's just so much action, dark humor... it's like a cross between "Kill Bill" and "Battle Royale", though I wouldn't put it quite on "Royale"'s level... finding this film was a great stroke of luck, and you ought to hunt for it, too.

Ami (Asami) is out for revenge after her brother Yu is murdered by a gang of young yakuza-ninjas. Unfortunately, while in pursuit of the leaders, she is captured and one of her arms is cut off. Not to worry, a friendly couple who are also out for revenge on the same people have a solution, make her a machine gun arm! After The Machine Girl finished I can safely say this: the Japanese are still producing awesome gore flicks. Noboru Iguchi has created a film that will surely receive cult status and easily go down as one of the goriest films ever made. Firstly, this IS a gore-flick, there is enough blood spray to fill a lake. Secondly, the story is not complex or incredibly challenging, likewise, there is nil character development. Therefore, if you watch this movie thinking along those lines (I would not know why, though, as it IS called The Machine Girl) you will be sorely disappointed. If you do go in expecting outrageous gore and some genuinely funny comedy you will be very pleased! The Machine Girl really should be released theatrically everywhere, it is a fun, exciting and well-made action/comedy/drama and one of the best movies of 2008!

4/5