Lo Schiaccianoci

I'm sure there's been the occasional viewer that wonders why I do get so angry about movies sometimes. Well, films are something that I'm very passionate about, every movie that I've seen goes from that is praised with comments or hate with every cell of my brain.

And speaking of the literal Devil, we have ourselves "The Nutcracker in 3D"!!!

...This is the worst movie I've ever seen!!!! First of all, Anderi Konchalovsky directed this crap! He previously directed "Runaway Train" and the TV-movie "The Odyssey". I can't accept this!!! How is that possible that he went from a groundbreaking movie and a cult fantasy film to This?!?

What's the point on making a movie with Nazi Rats (They are Mice in the original story, you idiots!!!) that burn toys like how they did to the Jews?!?

OK, if Konchalovsky wanted to make a despotic movie with Nazis represented like greedy rats and other political animal-alike allusions that's OK! It's interesting! ...But leave the classic story of the Nutcracker alone!!!

It would be like... If I make a movie about the tale of Aladdin, where Aladdin is Obama, Jafar is a Bin Laden, Agrabah a New York-alike city destroyed by terrorist attacks and The Genie be an incarnation of Uncle Sam! Oh, and all this weird despotic crap pretended to be a "kids movie". No!No!No!!! That's not how it works!!! I'll describe the two scenes that mostly offended me: the Rat King, after performing a bad-choreographed musical number, kills a shark inside a tank by electrocuting it with a light!!! The second one, the Rat King suddenly rips off the head of a living Drummer Boy with bare hands and for a few seconds he plays volleyball with his Nazi-soldiers using the head of the poor guy and than replace it and act like nothing happened! You know, for KIDS!

But of course, these are the images that comes to your mind when you think of the Nutcracker! ...Nazi creatures that burn toys, kill sharks and play volleyball with the head of their victims HELLO?!?

The movie is an awful waste of money and talent(...If there was ANY!!!), and it sucks balls because for the unappealing Nazi characters, the awful 3D effect and for turning Tchaikovsky's music into horrendous songs that makes "Marry the Mole" look like Bohemian Rhapsody!!!

And I'm not the only person who thinks this "movie" in an abomination: 0% on Rotten Tomatoes! And Roger Ebert said: "The Nutcracker in 3D is one of those rare holiday movies that may send children screaming under their seats." In fact, no kid went to see this movie! The Nutcraker in 3D was a giant NUT-BOMB at the box office!!!

This movie is one of those rare movies that can insult the intelligence of Anybody. Do not watch it.

The Nutcracker by Pyotr Tchaikovsky is arguably the most famous and cherished ballet ever created and there have been countless adaptations of it. And "Nutcracker 3D" is probably the worst one of all.

First off, I did some research on the original ballet from 1892, and there's a limited amount of material from it to make a movie to begin with. As a result, expanding on the story is required to create a proper Nutcracker film. But even so, Tchaikovsky's work is eviscerated here. The film bears little resemblance to the Nutcracker story. Elle Fanning plays a Clara stand-in named Mary. Uncle Drosselmeyer is replaced by Albert Einstein (Nathan Lane) for some reason. The story takes place in early 20th century Austria instead of the correct 19th century Germany, but even then, nobody speaks with an Austrian accent. And, finally, the Nutcrackers world is turned into a steampunk styled kingdom. It's all so different, you'd be forgiven for initially thinking this isn't even a Nutcracker adaptation.

No question, the main reason this film was so panned was because it was essentially an allegory to the Holocaust by portraying the rats as Nazis and showing them systematically exterminating living toys by burning them in factories or in public to block out the sun and publish and spread propaganda about a RATification policy. This portrayal of the rats was unnecessarily morbid and in very poor taste. I'm all for teaching kids about the Holocaust, but this just made the film too dark and disturbing for such an audience.

Nazi imagery aside, this film was chock full of disturbing scenes that would terrify children. The poorly rendered CGI model of the Nutcracker himself looked very creepy with his bulging, lifeless eyes and flapping head, and the Rat King's face morphing and showing his prominent teeth and gums was the stuff of nightmares. And that's not all; we see a Shark being electrocuted to death in a big fish tank, the Rat King decorating his fortress with photographs of sobbing children, and Sticks (Africa Nile), the drummer boy, gets his head ripped off so the Rat King and his soldiers can play catch with it! What was Konchalovsky thinking?!

The acting and dialogue were poor for the most part and few of the characters were likeable. I know she was very young at the time, but Elle Fanning tended to speak in a bored sounding monotone, Max (Aaron Michael Drozin) was an irritating brat who liked to break toys, and Shirley Henderson performed the Nutcracker with an annoying high-pitched voice and tended to be rude and dismissive toward Mary. Nathan Lane's fake German accent fools nobody. Only John Turturro was fun to watch with his wacky villain performance, even though he's playing an Adolf Hitler/Andy Warhol hybrid dictator.

But worst of all, the Nutcrackers prolific songs that everyone knows and loves, like the "Nutcracker Suite", "Sugarplum Fairy", and "Waltz of the Flowers" are all butchered with the addition of God-awful lyrics from Tim Rice and bad singing. There wasn't even any ballet dancing. It's all so distorted and jarring, it feels like a slap in the face to fans of the original work.

Visually, though, the magical world that Mary dreams up actually looks pretty good. From the buildings and city streets of the Nutcrackers kingdom to the interior and exterior of the Rat Kings steampunk castle everything looked impressive. The costumes looked nice too, if you don't count the rats Nazi uniforms. The steampunk technology, like the helicopter, robotic dogs, and motorcycles were cool, even if they felt out of place in a Nutcracker film. They really could have created something better than this if they'd left the darkest elements out.

Overall, I was surprised and disappointed that Andrei Konchalovsky was behind this, seeing as how he won a Primetime Emmy for creating "The Odyssey" miniseries back in 1997, which I enjoyed. Plus, with a $90 million budget to work with, he could have done better if he'd been more faithful to the ballets source material, had a lighter and more kid friendly story, and steer clear of any Nazi imagery. But the saddest part of all is that for twenty years this was his dream project, but how he thought mixing it with the Holocaust was a good idea is beyond me, because he wound up creating not only the worst Nutcracker adaptation of all time, but also one of the worst Christmas films ever.

One of the worst movies I have seen in the recent times. Usually i would try to find some good point in a movie, but no matter how I crack (no wonder I just watched nutcracker!) my head . . . nothing. Well, I do not want to take the credit away from the character of Mary, which was the only respite due to which at least I am rating 2 out of 10. When you go for such movies usually plot is not up for critical review, but this movie beats the lowest of the standards. Music is terrible, actors (except Elle) are worse, the flow of the movie allows anybody to keep jumping out for some popcorn. One might expect at least some 3D effects to feel compensated for the time, but clearly the movie (except for the first few scenes) are much late adaptation for 3D and literally makes you feel cheated. Usually, such movies that are targeted towards younger audiences manage extra chuckles from the young ones in the theater, but this movie succeeded in getting yawns from them!.

Disappointing in most respects. Inconsistent plot, poor lyrics, poor music adaptation, unconvincing acting for most of the movie. Like most reviewers will probably acknowledge, the visual effects are OK, but have no cause to serve. The film is a waste of nice animation, exactly what I wouldn't have expected from Koncealovski. And now, for a few upsetting details...

It is very difficult to become attached to any of the characters, because they are so superficially introduced. I don't get the real feeling of a backstory, which actually damages the whole universe of the film. Mary is the only character which seems alive, for better or worse. Otherwise, they are all pale and unconvincing.

The techno-fairy tale / political satire mix doesn't help either. I'm thinking of loads of splices you'd be able to make, starting from an original fairy tale, and I can't understand why you'd combine a Disney style dramatization with an oppressed-toys(and humans)-against-evil-nazi-rats uprising. It's not fun enough for adults, it's not simple and clear enough for children. And it doesn't have so much to do with the original...

And talking about the original, the use of Tchaikovsky's music is uninspired, to say the least. The adaptation sounds simplistic, and voices may not have been a good idea. First of all, because it used to be a ballet and, call me a rigid type, but I'd have loved to see it developed on this line. Second, because the lyrics are dull, and the actors' voices sound really bad at times (ok, try to make it sound natural but do follow the notes!). Third, because the modern orchestration further reduces the charm of the original, turning it into a sort of kindergarten party song. As far as the musical part goes, I'm taking Sweeney Todd as a reference. And, compared to this, Nutcracker is way below.

Bottom line? Don't see it, even if the other guy is paying. It's plain loss of time and a poor reference about the classics, if you have any children.

This film has received some negative reviews but in comparison with many of the Christmas offerings which offer schmaltzy sentimental rubbish this has some drama and tight spots and you are drawn into the action. The nut cracker when returned to life lacks charisma which the toy seems to have through only the voice. The contrast between Mary and her brother Max is nicely realised.

Of course there is a sense of history and some scenes are reminiscent of the book burning under the Nazis and the dating of the plot as the 1920 can tend to emphasis this.

The special effects are good and the rat faces well made