- Maureen Clemens: [O.S] How was your day, Harold?
- Harold Clemens: About as fun as a rectal exam. Oh wait a minute, I had those. Not as much fun as a rectal exam.
- Cromer: If you decide to come in tomorrow and shoot up the whole school, remember one thing.
- Harold Clemens: What's that?
- Cromer: I was nice to you.
- [at Harold's 14th birthday party]
- Shelly Clemens: Thanks for ruining my day. I had to stay home, because you only had one friend to celebrate your birthday. Oh, wait. I almost forgot your present.
- [pretends to take one out of her pocket, but flips the bird at him]
- Harold Clemens: You got me that same thing last year.