How I Married My High School Crush

Flipping through channels led me to this sorry piece of work. I was about to move on until I noticed Starbuck. Instantly I was hooked and my waste of time started.

First off, I thought this movie was made in the 80s. Then I realized that Starbuck would have been a kid if that were true. Come to find out this movie was made in 2007. WTF? Isn't Starbuck a star? I mean, Battlestar Galactica is a hit show, at least in my realm.

Everything about this movie sucks; the plot, the lame, struggling dialogue (except Starbucks) and the cardboard actors (except Starbuck) who seem to be reading from cue cards. This movie is a combination of every known cliché. It is a repugnant skip along of horrendous dialogue coupled with that made for TV feel that will eventually drive you to commit an act from Hostel on yourself. If it wasn't for Starbuck, I would have passed, but alas, she is the reason for this review.

All I really wanted to see was Starbuck get wasted drunk, talk about her dead friends who died fighting the Cylons, bang Lee Adama, argue with Lee's dad and then fly a ship to Earth with her Cylon boyfriend who gave her a half-breed baby. This didn't happen. At least I don't think it happened because I never made it to the end of this movie. Once I realized that Starbuck was merely a character on another show played by the same person who was in this movie, I gave up. Apparently Starbuck is really someone named Katie Sackhoff. Whoa! Imagine my surprise when I found this out.

I hope that this movies success opens the way for a Lifetime/Battlestar crossover movie. All the Battlestar characters with a Lifetime script. Man I can't wait.

All in all this is a Lifetime Original piece of trash. It is totally worth watching for all you Lifetime/Starbucks fans (I know there are tons). How I Married My High School Crush is a good kick in the slats. Starbuck forever!

It's 1990. Sara Jacob (Katee Sackhoff) is 17 with a best friend Kate Duncan (Kim Poirier) and running for class president. She's somewhat clueless when it comes to the dumb class jock Brian Porterson (Sage Brocklebank). They get put together in a marriage assignment. She makes a wish on a full eclipse and she finds herself in the church getting married to Brian 17 years later. Both of them are transported into lives as written in their assignment. He's a successful investment banker after a successful college career and she's running for Lieutenant Governor. However they find that their lives aren't as idyllic as they first thought.

Katee Sackhoff is a bit off as a clueless teenager and she's not the type to play flighty characters. Sara is a bit too dumb. Also it's not as compelling to have both characters transported. These types of movies are about the lead characters learning about life. His character has no rooting interest. This is her movie after all. Then there is the really cheap look of the production. It's another Lifetime TV production that seems slapped together. It's usually an uphill battle for these types of movies even without any problems.

Katee Sackhoff - is she an actress ? She's hopeless, and she certainly cannot pull off playing a 17 year old - and dressed in a wedding dress with a Mumsy curly wig looks like Jack Lemmon in drag !, - the same goes for Sage Brocklebank the male lead - who looks like a 40 year old sat in class. The dialogue is pathetic and I couldn't stomach anymore after the first 30 minutes.

I've seen this before, and done better, in "13 going on 30".

But this is still entertaining, and it has several differences from that movie. For one thing, two teens, not one, are transported 17 years into a future they don't remember, and forced to cope as if they suddenly have amnesia, while realizing they are not who they would have wanted to be. Also, the same actors appear both as high school students and as adults.

Sara and Brian are high school students in 1990 thrown together by a class assignment to pretend they are married and figure out how to solve all the problems they might have. Little do they know they will get real-world experience.

Sara is running against nerdy Daniel for class president. Sara can't seem to attract anyone's interest, though. Fortunately for her, people seem to like Daniel even less. And the cool kids make both candidates' lives miserable.

Katie is Sara's bubbly best friend who gives her encouragement. They both love Michael Bolton and vow that whoever has a child first will name that child after him.

Sara has a crush on Brian, the dim-witted quarterback, who likes shallow cheerleader Tina. Jonathan is his best friend. Brian is pleased to have the brainy Sara as his class project partner, though, since it likely means he won't have to do any of the work.

During a total eclipse of the sun, Sara and Brian are together in the gym when Sara makes a wish and it suddenly comes true. She and Brian are about to get married, and the year is 2007. The world has changed so much, and neither of them know how to cope. They also don't remember what they have done in the past 17 years. Sara is running for lieutenant governor, and Brian is a successful investment banker with a gorgeous yet professional-looking secretary named Jacey. Actually, her clothes look business professional--her makeup and hair look like another profession altogether.

Katie is now Kate, and still friends with Sara, but she is so uptight. Her rebellious teen daughter Michelle (named, of course, for Michael Bolton) seems to have her mother's attitude, and she teaches Sara about such strange concepts as Google and the Blackberry.

Both Sara and Brian soon wish they have their simple lives back, because they find out being an adult, and being together, isn't what they had hoped for.

And this being a movie, you can count on lessons being learned and life returning to normal.

If I have to pick anyone as a standout performer, it's Nikki Elek as Michelle. She looks like a punk rocker but turns out to be quite likable. Kim Poirier as her mom seems so stiff.

The lead actors are pleasant enough, but no one here is going to win any awards.

The writers made sure to drive home the point that it was 1990 while the kids were still there, and to make sure we knew everything necessary to understand their world was different from the one we know. It's enjoyable for some of us, but it doesn't exactly say quality. I was pleased when Sara made a reference to catching up on all the Michael Bolton albums she missed. I don't recall hearing much if any of the man's music in this movie, which is a good thing--and as far as I know, the man's career has flopped. Luckily, Sara didn't find this out.

It was a fun movie.