Ultimatum alla Terra

At being annoying. He gives a master class in this film on the art of annoying. At first I thought it was just the adult Jaden Smith that was so annoying. No. The child Jaden Smith is annoying too.

From the moment the alien encounters young Jaden Smith's character, it becomes clear that Earth's survival hangs by a thread. You see, this alien, possessing advanced knowledge and technological prowess, realizes that after a brief encounter with Jaden, any shred of hope for humanity crumbles like a house of cards. Who could blame the poor alien?

Keanu Reeves, our otherworldly visitor, does his best to save Earth from imminent doom. However, he couldn't anticipate the formidable force that is Jaden's enigmatic charm. The alien's mission transforms from a noble attempt to preserve life on Earth to an all-consuming desire to obliterate it, just to spare the universe from the cosmic catastrophe that is Jaden Smith's presence.

Watching the alien's internal struggle is like witnessing a cosmic stand-up comedy routine. The more Jaden Smith speaks, the closer the alien gets to pressing the self-destruct button. It's a battle of wills, with Keanu Reeves attempting to broker peace while shielding the universe from Jaden's inexplicable ability to drive sentient beings to madness.

The filmmakers deserve credit for their bold choice to cast Jaden Smith, as it inadvertently creates a unique blend of comedy and existential crisis. At times, you'll find yourself questioning whether the alien's ruthless intentions are truly unwarranted.

"The Day the Earth Stood Still" is a rare gem that transcends mere science fiction, plunging headfirst into the realm of unintentional hilarity. You'll laugh, you'll ponder the absurdity of it all, and perhaps you'll even empathize with the alien's desperate plea for a universe free from Jaden Smith's cosmic influence.

So grab your popcorn and prepare for an adventure like no other. Just remember, if you ever find yourself face to face with Jaden Smith, pray that the world's fate doesn't rest in your hands. Godspeed, brave moviegoers!

America's top scientists are pulled together into one place and told of an object hurtling towards Earth on a direct collision course. There is little over an hour before it impacts and no chance of stopping it – all they can do is prepare for the aftermath. However, the object slows and lands in NYC. A figure comes out but is shot and only an alien command prevents a large robotic figure retaliating. Dr Helen Benson is there when this figure (Klaatu) is recovered and taken to hospital where he develops a human form. Distrusting the motives of her superiors and curious about this Klaatu, she helps him in a small way that leads to his escape. Against the advice of her son, Dr Benson helps him further but learns that, although he has come to "help", Klaatu's definition of "help" may not be in everyone's interests.

The trailer was rammed with the effects shots and it did enough to draw me in when I saw it recently. I'm not sure why my brain did not stop me but it was the festive season and perhaps I had goodwill in my heart and figured that this trailer, this one trailer right here, was telling me the truth and that this would be a great blockbuster sci-fi. Of course the truth is that it is nothing of the sort but even still, was it unreasonable of me to expect it to be at least an OK film? Probably not but this boring, simplistic and bland sci-fi cannot even get to that. We'll get the action out of the way first. OK, there has been money spent, there is no denying that – I could not make these images myself and would have no idea where to start. Are they the most amazing effects ever – no, but they are still good. The problem is that they are nothing more than images, the effect-driven sequences do not engage and do not excite at any point and so they just sort of "happen" and I met these scenes with a shrug.

The reason for this reaction is that the rest of the film is wooden and/or simplistic to the point where the film was probably written in crayon. The plot is an offensively simplistic "green" message that just clunks down in front of the viewer with no intelligence or thought – and I say this as a left-leaning environmental professional, not as someone scoffing at the message itself. This crass message is then filled out by wooden characters with barely serviceable (at best) dialogue, who are then pushed down a narrative path that doesn't ring true even once but manages to be corny and contrived at the same time as being wooden. Nothing in the plot or characters engage the viewer at any point, instantly killing the film by leaving the majority of the audience looking at their watches and wondering when it will be over, rather than caught up in it.

The cast match this feeling of blandness. Even if Reeves was a great actor, the material would have limited him. He is not a great actor so the poor script is really just another layer of lacquer to his wooden performance. Connelly is no better as the plot gives her a thankless task that she cannot deliver on – stumbling badly as she goes. It doesn't help she has to work with Jaden Smith, who offers up almost nothing here. Bates slums around in a vague role that is necessary as a plot device but she is half-asleep while John Cleese gets the job of delivering the "moralising" part of the script – which is just dumped in one scene as yet another bit of proof of terrible writing.

The Day the Earth Stood Still is a poor film. At best the blocks of narrative provide a really basic story to follow and the usual effects are OK (but all in the trailer) but it is all so basic and dull that you'll not even make it to the halfway point before you are ready for it to end. And when it does end, it does so with such a pathetic conclusion that it is clear that many of the makers had stopped caring as well.

I feel bad for everyone that worked on this film, one spoiled rotten brat wrecked the entire thing. It's his dad's fault he's been unleashed on the American public the way he has. Must we continue to suffer or can he just retire already?

Let's be blunt: this is definitely not a good movie; it's not horrid either, it's just somewhere between average and bad. There are quite a few problems. First, with the script, which tries to incorporate all elements of the 1951 movie into a new, updated whole. The end result lacks cohesion and plays more like a sequence of 5 to 10 minutes scenes badly sewn together, the prime objective of each scene being either to introduce an element taken from the original movie or, on the contrary, an idea absent form the1951 original, instead of simply advancing the story. Second, the direction: poor, poor, poor. Third, some of the worst acting I have seen in a mainstream movie for a long time; I found the leads, especially Keanu, quite good but the other actors are decent at best, with Katie Bates delivering a frighteningly catastrophic 'performance'. I was not shocked (positively or negatively) by all the other aspects of the film.

Coming out of the theater, I found myself pondering about this remake and the 1951 original. I find the Robert Wise movie quite good, but not the masterpiece some claim it to be. I was therefore ready to accept a remake and the few new ideas offered by the 2008 movie made me painfully aware that a remake could indeed have been interesting, had it been put in better hands or, if I dare say so, in much better hands. So, to me, it's another sadly missed opportunity.