Splatter Beach

Master storyteller Mark Polonia is at it again with a Splatter Beach, a modern spin-off of old classics like Creature From the Black Lagoon and It Came From Outer Space. The acting is top shelf--especially Ken Van Sant, who proves once again that he is the most underappreciated actor in Hollywood. Brice Kennedy has an extremely bright future as well; his contemporary take on Eminem's performance in 8 Mile is astonishingly authentic. The original soundtrack is ear wormy, the beach babes are gorgeous, and the "monster" will keep you up at night. All in all, one of the better films I have seen this year. Highly recommend, especially for those who enjoy hyper-realistic horror movies. Don't miss this one!

The creatures may have been as homage to the 1950's sea creature horror films, but this movie a total mess. It is bad in so many ways. They tried to liven it up by throwing in some T & A but that was so lame. Duke, the weightlifter, is perhaps one of the dumbest written roles in a movie in a long time. If one is going to make a movie to harken back to the great B movies of the 1960's and 1970's, then watch them and learn what makes them such a pleasure to watch. Because this movie is not one of those. The script is terrible, and the delivery of the lines matches. The band thrown in makes no sense except as a filler. It suggests the potential for a sequel. Hopefully, it will never happen. Because I know what it takes for me to give a one star rating, this doesn't quite make it. But close. Low budget does not have to be a total bomb. But this one is.

Yes, the acting is terrible, the special effects are extremely low tech, and the story is about as exciting as taking a nap, but it genuinely made me laugh (intentionally) at times, and it was exactly what I expected it to be (well, I was hoping for some gore). It's the kind of movie where you suspect the actors kept their involvement a secret from family, particularly the girls who bared all, but I think the clue to the type of movie it was meant to be is in the film the one character has on the television while sleeping. I don't know if that was a real movie or not, but I suspect it very well might have been, and this film was done in that same hokey style. It wasn't meant to be high art, and it's not, but, while I wouldn't tell anyone they just had to see it, I found it more entertaining than I was expecting, and think it accomplished what it set out to.