College

What you get with 'College' is, a lamely executed farce of a comedy that relies on idiotic humor that not even idiots would find funny. Luckily, the film has more boobs in it than any film of recent memory, and a couple of the female characters are extraordinarily good looking. That means, of course, that if you're either gay or female, you're going to want to kill yourself from boredom.

A simplistic plot for a simplistic movie doesn't allow for a lot of surprises, though the film's ending does get points for departing from the formulaic 'boy has epiphany and gets girl' ending, and adding a little more to it. Our three leads are tolerable at best. 'College' boasts a mostly unknown cast, with the only 'names' in the film being Drake Bell, Kevin Covais, and Verne Troyer. Andrew Caldwell's performance as a wannabe partier is basically a teenage version of Chris Farley's entire career. Except this one doesn't have the laughs. Bell is alright, but fails to gain the audience's attention as the leading man so many tween fans already tout him as. Kevin 'Chicken Little' Covais has a few funny moments, especially whenever he's acting drunk, but adds little to the film. He's a MUCH better singer than actor, as evidenced by American Idol. Haley Bennett was my favorite part of the film as Bell's love interest. Gary Owen is hilarious as 'Bearcat', the typical crazy frat guy.

'College' has heart, and gets credit for trying, but the execution on the part of the director, casting directors, producers, and to a lesser extent, the screenwriters is what hurts the film. First, I like that Drake Bell is trying to shed his Nickelodeon image, but he was the wrong guy to cast here, mostly because he isn't a big enough name to draw in the people, and what little fans he does have aren't old enough to see this film...there lies the problem. Bell's fans can't see the movie, and I seriously doubt all the people that voted for Covais on American Idol are fond enough to waste their money on this movie. Next, the rating of this film, while very much deserved, hurts the film the most. Had the film been made as a PG-13 film, it might have been just as 'good' in terms of quality, not to mention it would have made more money. Third, all the 'f' bombs and nudity were completely unnecessary, and seem to be there just to secure the R rating. Fourth, having been to college myself, this film is nothing like the real thing. The parties are crazy, but this is too much. It is so unrealistic on every level that it's just astounding. At least Superbad was realistic...in some regards.

'College' is a painful and sad attempt to recreate college life on the big screen. If you want something more realistic, try 'Fifty Pills'. Or just take fifty pills of something. Bell is seriously miscast, and Deb Hagan's direction, along with her producers' bad choices, drag down what could have been a mildly entertaining and mildly successful Superbad ripoff.

Let me begin by saying this. I am taking time out of my day to sit here and write about how awful this movie is. Rarely do I ever write a review on here. I only do so if I really like a movie, or can't stand a movie so bad that I think others should be warned about going to pay to see it. All told, I've written probably four reviews. This is hands down the worst movie I've seen in the last five years. Sadly, I thought the previews made it look alright. Seeing as how I'm 23 and recently graduated from college, I also thought that this movie could bring back some nostalgia from my recently deceased college years. Me and three ex-fraternity brothers from school went to catch this movie with hopes that it would at least provide us some decent laughs before going out. We were dead wrong. Not only is this a blatant rip off of Superbad, Accepted, The Girl Next Door etc., it also is host to three of the most annoying main characters in the history of film. The jokes suck, the situations are beyond dumb, and the portrait it paints of college is completely wrong. In order to hang out with frat guys you have to take shots of tequilla from a dude's a$$ crack? Really? Don't remember seeing that in my college days. Annoying fat kids hooking up with hot blondes? Yeah, no, don't recall that either. College kids even caring that high schoolers were at their parties? Not the case. Where I went to school they were introduced and greeted with a beer. No one f**king cared if they were there. I could go on forever, but the bottom line is save your time and money. Go rewatch Superbad or Dazed and Confused or something. Or better yet, save your 10 bucks, get a 12 pack of shi**y beer, get drunk, and let the night unfold. There's a more realistic college experience for you.

I have also caught a screening of this movie....Seriously, the comments about this movie look so set up and not authentic. Each commenter leaving a positive review says almost the exact same thing in the exact same amount of words. They re-hash the same stuff until they hit the minimum amount of lines for a comment. Plus, look at the demographic that has given the highest scores for votes....middle aged and elderly women. Also, the group that has the best chance of enjoying this film (18-29 yr old males) have one of the poorest ratings. If they are this desperate to get a good word out about this movie and are failing at doing so, I'd avoid this trash heap.

If you go into college expecting the bare minimum of a movie and taking it for what it is (a mildly entertaining cliché filled coming of age comedy) you will still not enjoy yourself. The reason is simple, it tries too hard to be funny. It's most easily compared to that annoying guy at work who stands at the water cooler making immature mom jokes or an annoying teacher at school who desperately wants to impress the students. The script surprisingly isn't bad but this movie rips off of Superbad so much with the character of Fogel in relation to this movies Morris you could call it plagiarism. The ever so ridiculously cliché character that brings sympathy and laughs from the audience because of how naive he is always being so sexually insecure and inexperienced is just so old. The only actor who deserves any sort of a nod is Drake Bell for his mediocre acting and decent carrying of his co actors (Andrew Caldwell and Kevin Covais.) It's sad watching this movie really because the actors so desperately want to be funny (except Drake Bell) so that they can get recognition and be cast into an Apatow film. They have a chance really with the script and extremely humorous atmosphere filled with jocks and egotistical lunatics both male and female. They're acting coaches and idiotic attitudes hurt them here as they failed to make a humorous movie. You average group of teenagers may enjoy this, which is not a bad thing but if you go into this movie looking for a cohesive story line and enjoyable plot then go watch Tropic Thunder where the actors actually succeed in some of these categories.

Oh thats right, I have.

Lets see. Animal House, Revenge of the Nerds, Van Wilder, American Pie, Beta House, Accepted... ETC. ETC. ETC.

Whats the difference between those movies and "College?" The others managed to come up with more creative titles. Oh, and "Animal House" had John Belushi.

Seriously, if you've seen any of the above movies, then you've seen "College." The original ideas in "College" are so few and far between that you'll have to wonder if the creators of "College" actually bothered to write a script, or rather spun a wheel of clichés and inserted them in the appropriate spots. "College" once again tries to tell you what life on a University campus is 'supposed' to be like, and fails pretty horribly. You begin to wonder if the 'College' students in "College" are actually paying attendants of Fieldmont University (F.U! Get it? hah...no.) or they just happen to squat in the decrepit house near the campus. Apparently they don't attend classes, don't even OWN textbooks, and believe a GPA is a "Great Party Area" rated on a 0-4 scale.

Long story short, "College," while it claims it has something different than those other "College" films, is NOTHING you haven't seen done much better before. I hope it drowns out in its own filth and causes several film companies to go bankrupt, thus ensuring they'll never spit out cookie cutter crud like this.

Drake Bell and Co. deserve MUCH, MUCH better. They do well, but given a better script I would have been more impressed. I'd give it a 1 1/2 just because of their performances, but it won't let me so hey, their loss.

PLEASE, avoid it. You'll thank me later. And tell your friends to avoid it. Thats the only way to stop the cancerous spread