Bacterium

I'd like to sincerely thank the makers of this film, for showing that this type of thing can still get made.

Is Bacterium great art/cinema? No. But I like to imagine that the filmmakers may well have said, when it was all edited and done and the last booger flicked away, "No, we didn't have a kerjillion dollars, but we made this with all the love we have, and now we offer it to you. Have a blast." Yes -- that is corny. I'm getting old.

If you watched Deadly Spawn and loved it, give this a try.

Obviously low budget? Check. Acting that veers wildly from watchable to really bad? Check. Kind-of-cheesy score that harks back to the 1970s or (brrr) 1980s? Check. Script that has giant holes, couldn't really be called "well-crafted," but is occasionally quite clever? Check. Distinct lack of flawless, soulless CGI? Check. Other distinct lack of Keanu Reeves or Kevin Costner standing around being out-acted by the cinematography? Double check.

Friends, I didn't think this was even possible any more. Okay, Bacterium has longeurs, especially early on, but once the booger monsters get going, watch out! And these brave, brave actors: they may not rise to the levels of your Olivier or your Carrot Top, but -- they not only do fierce battle with big balls of half-dried snot, they sometimes roll around in them.

In the end I love Bacterium 200,000% more than any given product of multi-million-mega-McDisney-wood, if only because it ISN'T all about the money.

Is this movie so bad it is good? Not really. The acting ranged from none at all to over the top, but neither served it well. Naturally, a military experiment to make a biological weapon that would be short acting but deadly, and it mutated into something that could wipe out every living thing on earth. Perhaps the best part is that the movie is short. But in that time, it seemed as if many different versions of the script were done, and then parts of each were put into the film. A real mess. Using practical effects was the right approach for the low budget movie, but perhaps if they spent less on renting the helicopter, that money could have been used to come up with a better flowing script. This is a movie one does not want to put any effort into thinking about, as one will see the numerous flaws that detract from watching it.

This movie is truly a work of art it was made at the old fort totten military base which i absolutely admire. Such a great way to reuse old buildings that are no longer in use. A shame they don't use them any more. Wish there was more like it. Overall here and there it is a little choppy but it's still a great movie but there was definitely some unnecessary nudity during the movie that made the film awkward to watch with my mother 😬😬 but it's ok because she put a robe on. I really enjoyed how this was such a unique movie that i've never seen anything like before the creativity was out of the world and really helped me become more in depth with the fort totten area.

A group of paintball fanatics end up inside an abandoned home. But unfortunately for them, they stumble across a secret government project to create a biological weapon and may have possibly been responsible for releasing it. Can these crazy kids escape before the military shows up to destroy the evidence?

I enjoyed the DVD cover (reminded me of "Great Expectations") but was turned off my the back of the box, claiming this film was from "horror master" Brett Piper. That slogan has been passed around more than Madonna in an NBA locker room and I think if people like Piper insist on using it, there will be absolutely no truth in the words left.

There were some other minors issues. I didn't need to hear "blow our heads off" at least 3 times within ten minutes. That sort of ruins the intensity of the expression. The gunshots (even the real ones) being paint balls was pretty weak -- and what was with the man in the opening scene being infected with warm peanut butter? (This last part, thankfully is improved later in the film.)

How did this get a pg-13? There is a fair amount of cursing and more than the "partial nudity" the film suggests. One woman is quite nude all over for a few minutes. Not that I'm complaining -- I just don't think this could have passed the censors. (Honestly, I don't think the MPAA ever saw this film and the creators just said they did.)

I like when the scientist touches his face and mouth with his gloves after going through such great lengths not to contaminate anything. But what I really liked was the amazingly awesome bacterium creature (which was much cooler and more disgusting then "The Host"). Seriously, this thing made all the bad acting and directing just disappear. Some of the scenes it had were like a cartoon, but a good deal of it was more like "The Blob" but better (and gross -- this thing made me want to vomit).

The last third of the film is really funny with the "you better not be (expletive) me" guy, the bureaucrats and the science / physics talk that goes above and beyond the average film (but maybe not far enough). If the first third had the humor and strong dialog the ending had, this whole film would have been pretty amazing. Unfortunately, aside from looking hot and getting naked, the lead actress has no skills that can used in a film.

I guess I'd watch this film again. I wasn't super-excited or heavily pumped about it, and the low production quality made it all rather annoying. But it had redeeming qualities, and I think Piper (though not a "horror master") may be someone to watch. Or at least his special effects crew is. That, and the guy who played the British-American scientist. I really, really like that guy.

Unable to finish film due to crying of laughter and needing to pause, the nightmare/dream scene is one of the best in cinema history; the only film I've watched that rivals the lord of the rings.