Harpies

It *is* always a bad omen when you find out something was produced by them. Have you ever wondered what Army of Darkness would have looked like without humor or fun, and if put together by no-talent hacks? I know, right, me neither, not for a second. Well, evidently, this is what would come out of such. I speak in hypothetical terms, since part of my coping with having watched this is telling myself that it doesn't really exist, that it was nothing more than a fever-induced nightmare(the movie itself as much as the idea of something like it actually having been made), as it is truly unbelievable. Baldwin, in a performance that simply must be the very low-point of his career(!), travels back in time without trying to, and finds medieval warriors willing to use their swords, that all hold the ability to harm without being seen penetrating flesh, provided Ash helps defeat the monsters that kill, mainly by virtue of hideous sounds and music(I'm afraid I cannot bring myself to think for a second that they meant it to be that awful) as well as being brought to life by effects so immensely poor that the beings don't need to tear out the eyes of the audience, as they will feel inclined to do so just from attempting to watch this. The acting is bad. The random accents... eugh. The dialog tries extremely hard at being clever, and fails utterly miserably. Any laughs this gets are unintentional ones. This underwent a massive surgery, to replace all possible original material with painful clichés, and the operation was a complete success. What's with the transitions? Did someone peer at a cut, and think that *that* was what was wrong? The editing in general ranges between average and below. At least one character is there purely to deliver exposition, and they didn't even try to cover it up. I don't know the extent of Stan Lee's involvement in this, however, as a big fan of several of his creations, I would say, even if you love his work, you can afford to stay far away from this one. I presume the sole reason Sam Raimi didn't sue the production is that he'd have to not only have seen it, but also admit to sitting through any of it. I recommend this only as fodder for MST3King, to anyone who enjoys doing so. 1/10

Sincerely hoping they all had a good time making this awful flick to ensure that at least there was some fun had here...certainly wasn't much fun to be had on the receiving end.

Based on a few posts, I was hoping against all odds (Sci-Fi Channel original, Stephen Baldwin starring) that this would be an entertaining diversion, whether it be a tongue-in-cheek endeavor or a somehow otherwise funny or exciting venture; but unfortunately, this was nothing more than a terrible film. Can we fine the actors for this? That would be fun, and I would be content with the results. Better yet however would be to Star-Chamber the producers.

This film is embarrassingly terrible and I despise the fact that Stephen Baldwin lives a better life than most of us.

I had a feeling that Harpies would be bad, but this bad? No, I was not expecting that actually. Other than some novelty value and a somewhat enjoyably hammy performance from Scott Valentine, Harpies has no redeeming qualities and is one of SyFy's very worst. The film looks cheap for starters, with choppy editing, scenery that never feels authentic and lighting that doesn't add anything to the atmosphere. But even they are not as bad as the special effects for the harpies which are so shoddy and fake that you are laughing by how hysterically awful they are. The script is just as poor, with dialogue so cheesy that it would make the cheesiest cheeseburger bland and flat delivery. The story is incredibly dull and predictable, with nothing of real interest happening, and the action sequences are the most inept of any movie that I've seen. The direction is limp and unimaginative and the pacing is sluggish. The characters have no likability or life to them, you are annoyed by them and nothing is done to develop them that well. The acting is awful, Stephen Baldwin's lead performance is so lazy that you are wondering whether he's even acting at all. Overall, an absolute waste of time, in all honesty not in a while have I seen a movie this bad. 1/10 Bethany Cox

Cheap, third-rate ripoff of the great "Army of Darkness". Poorly acted by virtually everyone, although Scott Valentine is enjoyably hammy (at times) as the evil Vorian and Kristin Richardson is watchable as a pretty but feisty peasant girl. Shoddy special effects (including some glaringly obvious matte work), laughable script and limp direction are bad enough, but this stinker has some of the most inept action scenes since "Hercules Against the Moon Men" and a leading man (Stephen Baldwin) who's gained so much weight that when his "army" storms the castle, it's hard to tell which is Baldwin and which is the castle. The one-liners that are meant to be flip are both lame and unfunny (although one line when Baldwin is swinging a torch in a cave isn't too bad). Altogether, poor in all departments. You'll do much better renting or buying "Army of Darkness" instead of this 99-Cent Store version of it.

Army of Darkness can be considered a cult classic, so I guess it's surprising we haven't seen more ripoffs of it. However, I can't imagine we'd ever see one like this.

To those that haven't seen Army of Darkness, a regular wisecracking Joe with a shotgun is accidentally teleported into medieval/dark ages times and must save the inhabitants there with a combination of future know how, leadership abilities and fighting ability from a supernatural evil.

It was a silly movie, but worked because Bruce Campbell has charm and wit, and the script was genuinely funny.

Replace Bruce Campbell with Stephen Baldwin and replace the Evil Dead with Harpies. Replace the claymation low budget special effects with blue screen special effects straight from a shopping mall vendor or amusement park. And take out the witty banter and one liners and replace them with dialogue that makes the worst dubbed Italian film seem like Shakespeare. Watch at your own peril. About the only redeeming feature is the female lead, who isn't much of an actor, but is attractive, in a mid 30s sort of way.