Suburban Sasquatch

Don't believe the ratings!!!!!!!!!! An amazing take on the legendary BIGFOOT mythology. This is an absolute superb motion picture and a astonishing work of art. It really takes a great look on Mother Nature's method of retaliating against the invasive tendencies of suburban expansion and its toll on the natural environment. This is all I will say as I do not want to spoil this monumental experience. I highly recommend contacting local theatres to view this masterpiece in ULTRA AVX 3D.

One of the greatest nights I've had in a while was watching this with some friends on Zoom. So hang up some tarp, put on an Arby's uniform and give this a watch. You'll have some good laughs.

I could not finish watching the entire movie, I got about 3/4's of the way. First of all, the movie is way too long(100 minutes), and the blood effects are just way too fake, I mean I know low budget is low budget, but the killing scenes are just too comical. The ape looks like a retard making comical grunts, and posturing, and the costume is just plain lame. I did love the opening credits, great job there. The acting was very bad, and when the ape lifts the cop car, that was just too ridiculous, it looked so fake, I think this film would have been better if a different approach to the ape was used, and they limited the blood and gore, the movie had potential and that's why I give it a three. Finishing a film is an accomplishment and these film makers did just that.

The tagline for this one should read something like this: C-list non-actors accosted by roving hair-suit idiot with massive Sasquatchian pepperoni nipples!

Well that was quite terrible.....having seen "Suburban Sasquatch" the other day gang, I can confidently tell you all that it's easily among the worst films ever made - and dare I say it, in it's most charming of moments this stinking, low-budget, crapfest of a movie has something of a Birdemic-quality to it. So that's something in it's favor, I guess. Of obvious amateur make Suburban Sasquatch is profoundly sub-par in all possible aspects and that's especially true when speaking of the acting that's seen throughout the film. But worse yet are the horrifically bad (sub-Birdemic quality) CGI effects which very frequently stain and smear the screen with copious amounts of computer-generated gore; the films CGI effects are simply among the worst ever seen anywhere. Combine those terrible effects with the fact that this movie was shot on video and you have one of the most visually cringeworthy collision of pixels ever assimilated in the form of a movie.

The films cast is simply beyond terrible and all have day jobs, this is especially true for "Rick" the films scrappy and "quick-witted" reporter. This-shlub-has-absolutely-no-business-being-in-movies! And then there's "John" the sheriff whose just as inept, but he just doesn't have as much screen time to show off his pitifully pathetic acting talents. But perhaps the most pathetic part of this movie is the Sasquatch itself...or rather the Sasquatch's suit; for starters the fur on the hands does not match the rest of it's fur and the mask looks as phony as can be. BUT best (worst?) of all are those massive-inverted-Sasquatchian-pepperoni-nipples!!! Just who was the perv who made that obscene suit?

And so as this most heavy-handed of hack-jobs neared conclusion I found myself cataloging all the usual amateurish mistakes, and let me tell you along the way I checked-off virtually all the mistakes typically made by amateur film crews (continuities EVERYWHERE, bad lighting, inconsistent sound, etc) though surprisingly enough I don't recall ever seeing the boom-mike in frame, so good job there guys! All in all this film really does have a Birdemic feel to it, BUT it's even worse and has an even lower budget. I can say that Suburban Sasquatch does get off to a much faster start, because after all there's murder in the air.

And on the matter of memorable director cameos just forget about Sorcese in Taxi Driver or any of Hitchcock's trademark pop-ins, this film has the absolute best one AND at the same time we also get one of the best reaction shots ever "Dave...".

So wrapping things up Suburban Sasquatch is bad on all counts, BUT it also has many moments of purely nonsensical fun. But I warn you to only watch it once - your brain will thank you for that later on.

Very, very, few movies are worse than Suburban Sasquatch and on that note - Sasquatch Nipples over and out!

Yikes! So this is a scary movie, just not in the good horror movie kind of way, it's just scary bad. I never particularly enjoy the ones that are this incompetent and cheap and amateurish on most every level you can think of, it's the kind of bad where you have to turn your brain off just to get any real enjoyment, and that has its place with B-movies that are actually fun and entertaining, but this movie is just rotten and it harmed me physically, I got headache! Except for making you laugh once or twice maybe, it doesn't have any good qualities. I must have caught like five sentences while watching it because the way the lines are delivered my brain just went nope, you ain't watching that! I'd already checked out mentally before it even got to the ten minute dialogue scenes because frankly the acting is the least of this movie's problems. The movie would have been better without the reporter character because he was the worst, they were all poor actors but he was a sack of potatoes in front of the camera and whenever he was on screen the movie went from a one to a negative-one, he was an energy sapper. It should have just focused on the Native American chick fighting the ridiculous motorcycle-roaring sasquatch. The sasquatch just looked so bad and cheap like a dime store Halloween costume that has too much chest showing lol. Power Rangers monsters were more impressive. It was also the writing, the mixing of horrible practical effects with even worse cgi, apparently this movie couldn't even afford to use a real net, and it was always doing that thing where someone would go outside and it would be nighttime when it had clearly just been daytime, in the scenes where you'll get people's limbs flying all over the place, in the next scene they'd be attached, just sloppy and mostly very boring to me.. In closing this is not a so bad it's good movie, not really, the genuinely fun ones aren't usually such endurance tests to sit all the way through. I'm all for cheesy horror but I'd rather drop an anvil on my foot then watch all that again. Thank you Suburban Sasquatch, my soul hurts. 🎃