- Johnny Gat: [in an elevator, looking for Tanya] I'm gonna skull-fuck that bitch.
- Main Character: [pause] Hope you don't mind hepatitis
- Benjamin King: She tells everything to her fashion consultant, he shouldn't be too hard to break.
- Johnny Gat: Who is this guy?
- Benjamin King: Some Eurotrash motherfucker named Stefan.
- Johnny Gat: I hate him already.
- Johnny Gat: So you're Julius' new boy. You don't look like much. Then again, I don't look like I got an eight inch cock. So I guess we're both full of surprises.
- [Julius gives a speech at the Church]
- Julius: Every motherfucka here knows what we need to do! Those bitches think they ridin' around thinkin' they own these streets. I don't care what flags they fly! Rollerz, Carnales, Vice Kings... NO ONE is makin' this nigga scared to walk the Row! We're about to lock this shit down right now!
- Troy: You've earned your colors today.
- Dex: That was some impressive shit! The only other Saint who kicked ass like that was Johnny!
- Johnny Gat: Shit took me half the time.
- Julius: Welcome to the 3rd Street Saints.
- Dex: Who's got the Rollerz?
- Lin: I do.
- Johnny Gat: Lin? The fuck you wearing blue for?
- Julius: I asked Lin to hook up with the Rollerz. We don't know much about these fuckers so I wanted one of us on the inside.
- Benjamin King: I said, "You wanna know how I did it?"
- Warren Williams: How, Mr. King?
- Benjamin King: I did it by knowing when it was time to build, when it was time to watch, and when it was time to act.
- Alderman Hughes: [at the end of the game; the Main Character meets with Hughes on his yacht] I'm Richard Hughes, it is a pleasure to meet the man who handed me the election.
- [extends his hand to shake, Main Character refuses]
- Alderman Hughes: No need to be modest, I'm serious. There's no way I could have beaten Marshall Winslow, God rest his soul, but you made the impossible happen, and for that, I can't thank you enough. I mean, had Winslow been the only person killed, attention would have definitely been cast on me, but after that fireworks display you pulled at his funeral, it's become abundantly clear these horrible crimes were perpetrated by the Third Street Saints. While before, people criticized my Saints Row urban renewal plan, it is now being lauded. See, until you came along, I was displacing poor people, now I'm destroying a hotbed of gang activity. What can I say? The public is fickle. Champange?
- [Main Character says nothing]
- Alderman Hughes: As you get older, you quickly learn that there are only two types of people in this world. Race, money, gender, none of this matters. At the end of the day, you're either a winner or a loser. Now, the sad truth about our situation is that in order for me to be a winner, I have to level your neighborhood and salt the earth. Hold on for a moment, Steven could you come in here? Where was I? Oh, yes, salting the earth. Now I suppose I could try to pay you off, but really, what's the point? You'd just say no, or in your case, stand there looking intimidating and then we'd be right back where we started. So I figured I'd cut the middle man and get right to the point.
- Main Character: Yo, could you speed this shit up? I wanna go to Freckle Bitch's.
- Alderman Hughes: You're going to die here, son, make no mistake about that, but if it makes it any easier on you, I'll be sure to thank you in my acceptance speech. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a party to...
- [a beeping noise comes from out of nowhere and the yacht suddenly erupts in an explosion, a splash is heard seconds later, indicating MC's survival]
- [Player is on the ground, helpless, after a car crash]
- Vice King gang member: [aiming a gun] Wrong time, wrong place, dog.
- 3rd Street Saint: [referring to Lin joining West Side Rollerz to obtain insider info] I didn't think the Rollerz pimped hoes.
- Lin: [punches the 3rd Street Saint to the ground] Any other comments?
- Johnny Gat: Yeah. When you punch, don't throw your shoulders so much.
- Johnny Gat: [while disguised as a Vice King] You never shoulda messed with the Saints! Or the Vice Kings... Because that's what we are.
- Johnny Gat: Who the fuck's this guy?
- Julius: Troy and I found him. We're gonna see if he can roll with us.
- Johnny Gat: Julius, if he wants to run with the Saints, he's gotta be canonized!
- Troy: He's right, everyone had to do it.
- Johnny Gat: There's gotta be a better plan than "Lets Be Monroe's Bitches"!
- Dex: You're right. There is. Marshall Winslow was a major public figure and you can bet your ass that people would ask questions if the chief of police wasn't at his funeral. I say we hit Monroe during the funeral procession. That should show whoever he's working with that we're not fucking around.
- Johnny Gat: You're saying we should assassinate the chief of police while he's at the funeral of the guy we just smashed?
- Dex: Yeah.
- Johnny Gat: Don't tease me, Dex!
- Dex: Let's fucking do it.