Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector

Tune into CMT or Comedy Central. Get the same jokes for free.

I'm a big fan of redneck humor. Jerry Clower is GOD.

But Jerry's real,born and bred.

This cable guy from West Palm Beach by way of Nebraska insults his fans.

I despise Jeff Gordon, whenever he pretends to be a good old boy.

Now picture Jeff Gordon in a flannel shirt, with cut off sleeves. Add about fifty pounds or so.

And get your authentic southern accent by watching the Simpsons cartoon character Cletus.

That's Larry. So long. I hope you enjoy playing Branson.

Boy, was this film awful. I knew nothing about Larry, the Cable Guy until I clicked onto a preview on the web. The preview was hilarious! It was my type of low-brow humor and I thought this is going to be a funny film. However, after I go to the theater and the picture started to play, I felt I was really duped by the trailer. Whereas the trailer was tightly edited to give great timing to the jokes, the film was edited with no regards to proper timing of set-up and punch lines. There were even added scenes in the trailer that didn't exist in the film. This was one of those films that I had to leave early from. I could not take anymore after 40 minutes.

Normally when a new bad movie comes out, it usually sky rockets up the bottom 100 list. This is mainly just a trendy thing. You Got Served, Bloodrayne and From Justin to Kelly were among these unlucky ones. Oh sure they were bad movies alright, terrible movies to be blunter. But when you looked at the movies like Red Zone Cuba, Gigli and of course Manos, you couldn't really rate them as that bad.

NOT THIS TIME

Think of the most horrible, hateful put down you could ever attach to anyone and anything and it still wouldn't do Larry The Cable Guy justice. That's right folks. 40 years on and finally, Manos is now the world number two on the chart. This movie is the biggest piece of s**t to ever stink up the theatre. It is so jaw droppingly, blood-boilingly bad that you wouldn't even serve it to your most hated emnemy.

Not only is Larry The Cable Guy the single worst most horrible movie of all time, but it is the spawn of the single worst most horrible idea of all time. The plot involves a series of food poisonings at the city's best restaurants, with the All City Top Chef contest just days away. It's up to Larry and Butlin to figure out who's sabotaging the competition, even if it means taking on the breast-obsessed mayor.

Got that folks? It's another toilet humor film which sucks! And it's another film directed by a first timer (Trent Cooper)! See Deuce Bigalow for reference! In the first five minutes of the redneck comedian's film debut, we see Larry urinating on himself in the shower, flashing his butt crack, having a flatulence attack in front of his boss, and referencing the smell of "strawberry douche." At this point I turn unto God and ask "Why?" Why does Hollywood keep doing this with impunity!

Trent Cooper is only there to keep the movie in focus (he even fails that at times) and to make certain there are enough fart jokes to keep the overlong running time rumbling. Seriously, you could make DVD chapters out of the number of times Larry -- or anybody, really -- makes with the southern thunder. That is how awful this movie is. It can't even save itself with fart jokes.

Larry The Cable Guy is truly the worst movie of all time. It should be driven to a quiet spot, forced to kneel down and be shot through the head. That'll learn it!

NEVER WATCH THIS MOVIE.

Plato contends that the soul is distinct from the body and is capable of maintaining a separate existence from it. Aristotle, in contrast, feels that body and soul are two aspects of the same underlying substance; form and matter.

The dualist position has reigned supreme. However, by espousing a distinct type of substance for the mind, dualists invite the question: What is it that makes it possible for two contraries to interact? I've always had a soft spot for dualism, but after seeing the first 5 minutes of Larry the Cable Guy's "Health Inspector" I've fully adopted an identity theorist's approach to the existence, or lack thereof, of the human soul.

It seems highly improbably, if not impossible, that an immortal mind could promote, as an artistic expression of itself, the sordid tale of this so-called "Health Inspector." It's nothing more than a farce: man as some sort of pure, critically thinking substance existing in a platonic heaven where a universal Cable Guy sits, perpetually gitting-r-done!

Hamlet its not.

Funny it is, in the lowest of the low sort of way. Its fart jokes (and worse) galore and if you hate them stay away.

The plot has Larry getting a new partner and being assigned the ritzy restaurant beat by the mayor. Of course its a set up and of course in the end Larry comes riding to the rescue.

The problem is that after about 15 or 20 minutes the laughs stop as the plot really kicks in. There are jokes after 15 minutes just not that many good ones, even of the fart related variety. Actually by the half hour mark the movie becomes rather dull in a been there done that, why aren't there more jokes sort of way. While I don't think that the movie is the worst ever made, it is a disappointment simply because it runs out of steam so early on.

Not worth paying for at any time, it is worth seeing when it finally makes it to cable where you can see the funny bits endlessly with out having to waste your money.

3 out of 10