Shockwave - L'attacco dei droidi

Another made-for-Tele movie which is completely horrible. There is barely any plot, the acting, writing, and of course the god-awful directing of today's worst director and Ed Wood impersonator, Jim Wynorski, who, when not making terrible plot less porn movies with hideous women, is making crappy straight to video or Sci-fi "original" movies. Basically this is a bad rip-off of War of the worlds, and to top it all off, it's another failed attempt of a Sci-fi original movie. If Sci-fi continually pulls bad ideas out of their ass with overtones of someone Else's' films, then the horror business if being dug to an early grave. Which is sad because I am a horror filmmaker myself of what one may call 'b-flicks' but when I see these computer-generated bloody bull-crap, it makes me want to throw up. If this movie comes on the Tele again, kill yourself, it will make you hate your remaining life.

Wow. Some of my favorite actors are completely wasted in this movie. They try, some more than others, but they can't save this clunker of a script in the hands of an incompetent director. Oh look, the writer and director are the same person: Jim Wynorski.

You can tell that this movie had a reasonable budget, but Jim Wynorski doesn't know what to do with it. All of his shots are uninspired and clunky. Likewise, the editing is amateurish. A first year film student could do better.

The CGI effects are clean, but they are not integrated well into the live action scenes. Human actors react to things that don't happen, or are out of sync with the CGI action. For example, while being attacked, someone is thrown to the ground by a CGI robot that never gets anywhere close to the actor.

Additionally, the music is really lame. Casio keyboard quality from someone's basement.

But the worst element is the script. Everything about it is terrible. The story, the lines and the characters are all pathetic.

The only things keeping the movie from being a 1 rating are the actors and the rest of the production staff. The camera work is good, as are the costumes, sets, sound, etc. i.e. it's a well-made crappy movie.

Yeah, it's a good question - and a rhetorical one too. Judging by the sub-SyFy Channel standard of A.I. ASSAULT, aka SHOCKWAVE, the answer's a definite "no", because this is Z-grade CGI trash through and through. The problem with A.I. ASSAULT is that it's saddled with an absolutely awful, lunk-headed script which starts nowhere and goes nowhere. The characters are cardboard cut-outs, the performances would stink in a porn film, and the direction is sub-par. In fact, the only thing good about the whole movie is a pair of alien robots which dominate the storyline.

These creations are shamelessly lifted from Wells' original WAR OF THE WORLD, giant Tripod-things that go around butchering soldiers in various mildly gory (but inevitably cheesy) ways. They show promise, but the premise soon boils down to various characters wandering around an island somewhere, endlessly fighting them off and getting bumped off one by one. It's all very humdrum and by rote; the robots could be exchange for any movie monster in existence and it would all boil down to the same thing.

The film's main selling point is the presence of a number of ex-STAR TREK actors who inevitably show up for brief cameos before disappearing again. An indelibly aged George Takei is here, along with Robert Picardo and Michael Dorn. B-movie favourite Tim Thomerson also appears as a stuffy army official. Sadly, none of these actors even come close to making A.I. ASSAULT anything approaching a decent movie.

It actually gives you the illusion that the dialog isn't completely under-developed. I actually didn't find the acting to be terrible, if they were given some decent lines, well actually if this movie was completely re-written, it would have been a hell of a lot better.

The special effects were entertaining, I'm sure the film crew were on a limited budget, and I give them props for what they managed to squeeze from I'm guessing, an already dry lemon. Well aside from the plane scene... But then again, nothing can be made perfect. If you rent this movie, you should expect it not to be worth you're money, because there's a lot of other sci-fi movies out there. But if you you don't care about a measly dollar, then get it out, for a laugh at least. ;)

With the notable exception of the excellent "Dark Kingdom," the SciFi Channel seems to have an aversion to original productions that don't insult its audience's intelligence. Self-aware combat robots decide to go into business for themselves after crashing on a tropical island that looks amazingly like Santa Barbara County. A commando team is sent in with the brainiac daughter of the scientist who created the critters, charged not with destroying but recapturing them. Complicating matters is a trio of cruise-ship robbers whose getaway helicopter happened to crash on the same island for the same reason (a sudden, unexpectedly huge tropical storm that the gods tossed in to add to the tension because it would be too much work to create it through the story). The machines resemble H.G. Wells's original fighting machines, with the embittered sociopathy of "The Terminator's" SkyNet & the opportunistic assimilation abilities shown in "South Park's" episode "Trapper Keeper." Bits & pieces of story elements that could be attributed to "Resident Evil," "Westworld" & any number of trapped-on-an-island-with-monsters movies serve to finish off any hint of originality. The CGI critter-machines are up to par, although they make annoying creaking noises like the Tin Man from "The Wizard of Oz." The other sets & props range from so-so to laughably cheap. The commandos are ludicrously incompetent, having received their patrolling, combat & weapons training from third-graders in some backyard. "Star Trek" icons George Takei (ex-Sulu) & Michael Dorn (ex-Worf) might have lent some interest but share no scenes together & have small, dispensable parts. "AI" violates one of the most basic rules in monster movies by both showing & describing the monster in the very first scene, leaving nothing more for imagination or anticipation. The same carelessness with the sets is given to the explanation of the monsters & the rationale for their misbehavior, although the word "matrix" is applied to them at least 3 times. Why does SciFi keep doing this to us? Is it because Michael Bay keeps getting away with making giant movies without plausible stories? Are we being collectively punished for our morbid fascination with Edward D. Wood, Jr.? Is there some secret proviso in Hollywood that prohibits the possession of a valid library card? I'd rather sit through a miniseries of all 39 sequels to "The Wizard of Oz" than see more of these. Uh-oh, better be careful what I wish for.