Surf School

Surf School is without question one of the worst movies I've ever had the misfortune to watch. It's dull, predictable, poorly conceived and painfully unfunny. The characters are paper thin and the plot lurches awkwardly from one yawn-inducing scene to the next. There is not a single original or entertaining moment in the entire 85 or so minutes. This film tries to position itself as a comedy in the vein of American Pie but whilst that movie (and it's first sequel) succeeded at being both entertaining and engaging Surf School fails spectacularly on both counts.

This movie should not be watched by anyone ever.

As a side note I find it interesting that the people who have left comments raving about how great this movie is have never commented on any other films. Draw from that your own conclusions.

Where do I start. Well, after deciding this would be an excellent Friday evening movie, my wife and I made popcorn, fixed some drinks and got comfy on the couch. The evening was set, once I hit play on the remote to start the epic movie journey, referred to as surf school. The movie extravaganza that followed single handedly changed my perception of any future cinema experience.

It was interesting that at about the 6 minute mark of the movie, the plot started to become apparent. This was about the same time I finished my first drink, whereby and tried to use the glass tumbler to slash my arteries to end the painful sensation I was experiencing through the TV screen. This may sound extreme, but I suggest you only question those other lost souls who have witnessed this movie to at least try to understand. Glancing at my wife who loves a good comedy, I found her in the fetal position, shaking and inconsolable due to the footage she had to endure. And this was only now 7 minutes in.

We made it to the end of the film, thinking to ourselves it couldn't get any worse. However, the Jews said that early in World war 2 and we were both wrong.

The ending made my day however, the Gothic chick with no mates turned out to be a blond babe who could instantly surf, meaning everyone was happy and lived happily ever after on the beach. I will admit, any movie that is strong enough to tie up all the loose ends in such a way is pure production and directional brilliance.

The movie was nothing short of a modern day cinematic classic, up there with the godfather, the shaw-shank redemption and that opening sequence of saving private Ryan.

I recommend it be played to suspects during police interrogations in order to seek quick confessions, whereby people will admit to anything in order to have it turned off.

Should you be on a date with a new partner and it isn't working out so well, pop this DVD in and they will be gone in no time, never to return.

Watch at your own peril.

*Yawn* another underdog movie. This one goes nowhere. Apart from Costa Rica, which looks nice.

Once the novelty of stereotyping of the main characters has worn off, that's about it as far as the plot goes. After which nothing happens. Goth girl says nothing, geeky guy gets sexually wound-up by local girl, then nothing happens. Random characters constantly appear, say a few lines and vanish, their 'joke' exhausted, never to be seen again. Just when everything grinds to a halt, show a few bikini-clad girls for everyone to drool over.

Hang on... these guys are supposedly learning to surf within a week. A few day/night sequences later and no surfing. I check the time - what...half way through the film and nothing has happened. Then there's the gratuitous topless scene. Snore, boring, eject.

Oddly enough there's more fun to be had in laughing at all the lame 10* reviews of this movie, which do nothing to shift the fact that Surf School is well embedded in the IMDb bottom 100 and not likely to budge for a very long time.

The writing is horrible - even for a campy teen movie, it plain sucked. The acting was very bad, the direction was bad. I feel bad for the cast who probably worked for peanuts, to be portrayed in such a crappy film. I'm glad I was able to see it for free. Don't waste your $3 to rent, OR buy this - wait till it comes on Spike TV at 3am, that way you can sleep through most of it. Diane and Taylor have the only bright spot in the movie as a goofy couple, but it's not enough to carry this film. Frankly the only thing remotely worth seeing is the beach and scenery of Costa Rica. I give it a 1 simply out of pity, and because a negative option wasn't available.

Of all the movies I've seen, even the terrible ones, I haven't encountered many that cared as little about themselves as this movie does. It seems uninterested in the characters, the plot, and even the premise of the story. Despite being titled "Surf School", the process of learning to surf gets very little screen time. More time is spent chasing after the women of the film, who seen to serve no purpose except to model swimsuits. Then again, the men are only there to chase the women.

Someone in production must have found the line "Mahi-mahi" hysterical, as Rip repeats it several times throughout, never achieving more than a vague sensation of nausea. Again, someone must have found the emcee for the competition tolerable and perhaps even amusing as he gave lines that must have been ad-libbed about the attractiveness of teenage boys. The list of bad decisions goes on and on.

I suppose it's moderately entertaining to watch this for the purpose of mocking it, but then there are so many other movies that serve that function so much better.