Meat Pie

Recipe for Meat Pie... Ingredients: Some incompetent film-making hobbyists, grand ideas blended with total delusion, crude jokes stolen from the nearest schoolyard playground, nonsensical material that's just plain unfunny... and a whole lot of egos, each convinced that he is in charge and an "expert".

Method: After writing woefully inept script, reject feedback from people who actually have a clue about writing. Remain convinced that this is "commercial hit" material. After unsuccessfully trying to recruit pure talent such as John Cleese, Bryan Brown and Michael Caton, or celebrities such as Steve Irwin, cast some washed-up comedians and former reality TV contestants. Cluelessly throw together a film with a camera from the local pawnbroker and await mocking from anyone unfortunate enough to catch a glimpse of the garbage

Rude, crude, amateurish, self-indulgent and just plain unfunny. When I first heard what these people were trying to do with this movie, I was confused. After reading the script and seeing the movie's description in Ralph magazine, I am even more confused. The storyline seems to be a joke that someone made over the breakfast table, and didn't realise it should have stayed there. For the little bit of "story" that is there, it does nothing but to string together jokes which are either weak or stolen from other places, sitting in sequence in a disjointed, incoherent manner. Thank heavens that this will never be seen in cinemas (and in my opinion should not even be on this site), and please, let us be spared of any other nonsense that these hacks try to impose on audiences

It should be illegal to make a film this bad. Watching it was like having a pencil shoved in my eye and it being swirled around, then having a bunch lit of cigarettes put out all over my body. But other than that it was OK.

I feel this way and I was getting paid while I was watching it at work. They say it is like American pie. This, my friend, is nothing like American Pie. American Pie had a plot, this was just a bunch of idiots doing stupid sh#$* on camera with no rhyme or reason at all.

Anyone thinking about watching this movie, just know, it is 89 min of your life you will never get back.

The world would be a happier, more enlightened place without this movie.

The plot of the film is so undeveloped that it would be better described as a premise - a guy gets his genitals removed by a mincing machine and gets a transplant from a black porn star.

Once the entire plot has been presented to us in the space of about three minutes, we have a long sequence where a number of out-of-place lowbrow jokes about everything that's funny if you're drunk. In fact, I'm wondering if the film makers were drunk when they wrote this, shot it, edited it.

The characters are very, very one-dimensional, generally limited to a single characteristic each. We've seen all these people in a dozen other movies, and relocating the little bit of 'action' there is to a pie shop in an obscure Australian town does not warrant a 'new' movie.

In the end, if you feel like having some simple, no-brains-required laughs and don't mind that the larger part of the movie is going to be bad, you might as well check this out. But don't say you weren't warned.

A delightful romp which will surely inspire the world to new heights of awesomeness. Well Done. Quite possibly the single most influential piece of literature in history. It will forever change the film world for the better. Congratulations to Ed Kavalee for a successfully convincing performance and realistic meat mincing scene. Could have used four extra montages.

A triumph of epic proportions. Nice crackle.

Guzzie Sampson

I love Rock 'n Roll underwear in the pants, and all over my hair. This is my tenth line, geezus what a ridiculous requirement. Kill Flanders, Kill Flanders, etc.