Gag

Let me tell you, I have seen a lot of ShittyAss Movies in my day, but this one takes the F*cking cake. This whole movie is just a huge pot of A**. From beginning to end credits the whole movie is just bullshit. The plot is absolutely atrocious. The acting is just balls. Seriously, I wish I could meet the creators of this movie, and kick them in the nuts because I want my hour and 5 minutes back. Again, this whole movie is just horrible. For the love of God stay away from this movie, for I wish I had a time machine so that I could go back, and stop myself from ever renting this movie. If you receive this as a gift from someone, immediately set their house on fire, because they, for some reason, wish to cause you unbelievable, and unchangeable pain.

There really isn't anything good about this movie. The special effects F*cking suck. Really, they do. The cuts in between scenes are just horrible, and I have seen home movies that are directed better.

The plot is just the s*it topping on the already steaming pile of nothing that this film is. Without giving too much away for you, two burglars break into some guys house to allegedly find a safe. There, they find some bodies, and are then taken hostage.

This is one of the main parts that just pisses me off. A guy gets handcuffed with those metal toy handcuffs you buy at a toy store. You can see the F*cking release switch, and he gets cuffed to a pole that is about a quarter inch thick. Any A**hole with half a brain, even in an indie horror flick, could get out of that.

Then, it gets worse.

There is a complete 10 minute scene in which the main character is chased around this strange house, completely blindfolded.

Seriously, What the F*ck.

I can understand villains in horror movies being stupid, but he is outsmarted by someone who is handcuffed, blind, and in a house he has never been in before. Then to top it all off, he locks himself in a bathroom with a swinging door.

I'm not going to spoil anything, all of this can be seen on the DVD itself, and I should have known, but what the F*ck. I can't believe that I actually paid money to view this.

Do yourself a huge favor, and for the love of God stay as far away from gag as humanly possible.

For those of you who thought that Captivity would be the movie to officially end the torture-porn trend, you were probably right, but just to seal the deal, here's Gag. Gag is an atrocious horror flick which feels more like a gay S&M porno gone wrong than a horror movie. Three men are forced to swallow various objects when they're not gagged or getting f-ed with spears. To me that sounds like the description of a bad gay porno, not to mention the porn-sounding title. Anyway, before I head into this review, I would like to say that I'm very tired from a long days work so this review probably won't be as thorough as I'd like it to be.

Gag tells the story of two professional thieves who break into a seemingly empty house, only to find a man brutally beaten and tied to a bed. Blah, blah, blah, Saw-like twist, blah, blah, blah, torture, blah, blah, incest, blah, blah, you get the idea. Gag is a no-budget Saw rip-off and it's even a shame to call it a Saw rip-off as these guys obviously didn't get what the first Saw movie was all about. It wasn't about torture, it wasn't about S&M, it was about the psychological horror (something which has gone lost in the Saw sequels) - a quality that Gag doesn't have.

Gag may want to be disturbing but it's not, and the "inventive" torture scenes are either ridiculous or down right impossible. A mouse would never crawl down a tube and then eat away at someone's mouth. And sure, getting burnt with boiled pennies may hurt, but to me it just seems like some extreme kind of hazing, not necessarily torture (plus it was very silly to look at). Then we have the fact that the movie both looks and feels homemade. The director obviously doesn't have a clue about what he's doing behind the camera, and the "actors" are even less secure about what they're doing. Hell, it doesn't even seem like these people wanted to be in the movie. Were they really THAT desperate for a pay check? Or perhaps they thought that this would be the next Saw. If so, they can't have been very smart.

It's not the worst movie of the year though and it is watchable if you're into this kind of thing. To me, this is more porn than anything. Remove the gore and add some nudity and you've got yourself a hardcore porn flick (unfortunately not a very good one at that). I won't recommend it but I'm sure there are some people out there who enjoy this kind of thing. I'm just more into movies that actually have a story. In the end, Gag is like an extreme version of Saw, only with a lower budget and with less of a story.

I seriously don't intend to waste further time or too many words on the review for "Gag", because it's - simply put - a terribly bad and amateurish horror effort! We get it, Mr. Director, you watched "Saw" and you assumed you could do better? Since the birth and the tremendous success of the so-called "torture porn" sub-genre, many aspiring yet sadly untalented directors come up with their own idea for a sick and revolting torture tale. Most of these attempts are bad, but this "Gag" is beyond abysmal and doesn't feature one single positive aspect or redeeming quality. No wait, there is something good about this film, and that's its length! It lasted less than 80 minutes and I was grateful for that. Otherwise we're talking dire settings, lousy editing and lighting, excruciatingly painful acting performances and gratuitously cruel but unimaginative torturing methods & death sequences. "Gag" is so lame that it reuses the same dire plot-twist (if you can even call it that) twice, namely that a victim is mistaken for the culprit. Yawn! Do not watch, unless you are into self-torture.

Truly dreadful film, the worst I have seen in a long time, luckily for me I fell asleep after an hour. Where to start, marks out of 10, Acting 0/10 Effects 0/10, story 0/10...I could go on buy you get the idea. Two thieves Dumb and Dumber break into a house looking to rob a safe, there's someone almost dead tied to a bed who looks like they have been tortured, our robbers think they may be taking part in a sex game lol and furthermore that they may know the combination to the safe despite being nearly dead..lol One of our robbers wants to get out of the house but the other is insistent on cracking the safe for the money and shouts at the nearly dead individual tied to the bed for the combination, it doesn't get any better.

Its really a shame that so many of the comments here are unbelievable. Again a movie gets 8-10 star comments although the DVD packaging already says it all. So don't trust any of the comments... "Gag" is far from being scary or a classic. It basically is a cheap take on the "Saw" (Three letter titles everywhere!) torture genre. OK, you got a setting of a devastated house where some psycho killer tortures his victims. Two pretty stupid robbers break in searching for something very special and end up in the middle of the action when finding a bound and gagged guy (Actually I know I have seen exactly this before, but I can't remember the name of the movie). So they get gagged too, 5 victims get several things stuffed into mouths and back end and the movie even has an unexpected twist. Wow... Production values are low on this dimly lit underground movie which tries to shock with some sick torture inventions but fails miserably. The visuals just don't hold up to the sick ideas and while the acting is in parts OK the story is just plain stupid. Some examples... you get captured by an obviously sick pervert with corpses and blood everywhere in his house. He tells you to stick a needle in your arm or he will kill your friend. Sure... you do it, maybe something nice is awaiting both of you (like the trippy drug visions... nice idea but badly executed). 4 people bound and gagged, tortured in a dark cellar and chained to the wall. What does Mr. Psycho do... putting a hood above the one persons head that is just about to break free (sure... he knew, he's super psycho). And the most idiotic thing of all... when you are a psycho who just beat down a captive on the run happy to torture him again and the doorbell is ringing. What do you do?? Right... open up quick with some blood on your face and then have a ridiculous dialog with a cliché cop through a half opened door. You can see that "Gag" tries to be a shocker but nothing here really works. Honestly since there was a decent twist in the middle I expected some real twist in the end (the safe thing was way to obscure for me). But you better be in for a real surprise. "Gag" ends in the most stupid and cheap way I have seen in a long time ... by all means. Editing, Acting, Story development... it just falls apart to nothing. You can multiply the doorbell-idiocy by ten. Even if you are into cheap thrills "Gag" won't do it... the Gore is not that strong as the comments here make you think. Except for the impalement scene which works without showing anything most of the movie just made me yawn... or laugh. In that way "Gag" is a classic ... for some of the most absurd behavior of horror movie victims. I give this one 3 stars for at least some good ideas in the script. Other than that just stay away... the DVD cover says it all.