- JoJo: Music's the only thing that makes sense anymore, man. Play it loud enough, it keeps the demons at bay.
- Max's Father: Goddammit, Max! Get serious, for once! What are you going to DO with your life?
- Max: Why is it always what will I do? "What will he do", "What will he do," "Oh, my god what will he do", Do, do, do, do, do. Why isn't the issue here who I am?
- Uncle Teddy: Because, Maxwell, what you do defines who you are.
- Max: No, Uncle Teddy. Who you are defines what you do. Right Jude?
- Jude: [awkward] ... Well, surely it's not what you do, but the, uh... the way that you do it.
- Max: And you know what really pisses me off is I swallowed all those cotton balls and they never even took a damn x-ray.
- Hippy dude: You still have options man.
- Max: Yeah, jail or Canada and they both suck. I mean I could never come home, so what is it, it's a choice of a 6x4 cell or an endless wasteland of frozen tundra.
- Hippy dude: Montreal is cool.
- Max: Man, they speak French.
- Hippie Guitarist: So learn French. Learn French or die.
- Jude: My God, you- you have perfect teeth.
- Lucy: [sucks in her lips]
- Jude: No you do. They're perfect. In Liverpool people seldom do,
- [holds hand up to his mouth with fingers sticking out]
- Jude: they stick out in all different directions. It's horrible.
- Lucy: Have you never heard of braces?
- Jude: Yes I have thank you very much, we use 'em to keep our trousers up.
- Dr. Robert: Sitting in an English garden, waiting for the sun... If the sun don't come, you get a tan for standing in the English rain.
- Max: Come on, Luce. We've got to do something with him, he's a sailor on leave! He needs a bar, a brawl, and a brothel!
- Max: [invites Jude over to him and Lucy's house for Thanksgiving]
- Jude: We don't have it in England, is it - is it a big deal?
- Max: Well, it's a heart-warming American tradition.
- Lucy: Yeah. It celebrates the time when the Indians shared their food with the early settlers. And how did we repay them? We slaughter them in thousands then ship them off to the shittiest bits of real estate.
- Max: [Max chuckles]
- Lucy: [Introduces herself to Jude] I'm Lucy.
- Army Sergeant: Is there any reason you shouldn't be in this man's Army?
- Max: I'm a cross-dressing homosexual pacifist with a spot on my lung.
- Army Sergeant: As long as you don't have flat feet.
- Lucy's Mother: Is that fashionable?
- Max: Is what fashionable?
- Lucy's Mother: Your haircut, or lack of one.
- Lucy: Androgyny suits you, Max.
- Max: [they head for the basement of the campus, they come to a room. Jude closes the door] Shit, I'm outta shape! Woo!
- [he pants heavily trying to catch his breath before he recognizes Jude from earlier]
- Max: You're the guy who was asking for the janitor, right?
- Jude: [nods] Yeah.
- Max: So what are you, uh, like the, uh, assistant janitor?
- Jude: I'm just bunking down here, y'know. Temporarily.
- Max: [as he observes his surroundings] Why?
- Jude: Why do you need to know?
- Max: You wanted by the cops? Huh? FBI?
- Jude: You know it looks to me as though, uh... You're the one who's on the run.
- Max: Uh... yeah. Thank you for that by the way.
- Jude: What would that lot have done if they'd caught you?
- Max: [he and Jude sit down] I don't know. Something, uh, involving genitalia and shoe polish.
- Jude: Nasty.
- Max: Yeah. Where's that accent from?
- Jude: Same place as me. Liverpool.
- Max: Do you have a name?
- Jude: Yeah.
- [smiles]
- Jude: It's Jude.
- Max: [smiles] Max.
- [he extends his hand, Jude shakes his hand]
- Jude: [as he shakes Max's hand] I'm please to meet you.
- Max: Well, uh, Jude, as a stranger to our shores, the least I can do is offer you some Ivy League hospitatilty.
- [he tosses Jude a flask]
- Jude: [a beat] Cheers.
- [he takes a drink from the flask]
- Max: [walking in and seeing Lucy and Jude in bed together] So that's how it is?
- Jude: [They both wake up and Lucy starts laughing a little] Yeah. That's how it is.
- Max: Well, speaking as a brother, I think she could do better.
- Lucy: [a little stunned] Max? Get out!
- Max: Well I'm sorry, but, as blissful as you are in the throes of young love, I'm just letting you know I have a date with Uncle Sam.
- [Walks out of the room]
- Dr. Robert: We're navigators, we're aviators, eatin' taters, masturbatin' alligators, bombardiers, we got no fears, won't shed no tears, we're pushin' the frontiers of transcendental perception.
- Jude: Well, I, I got a job.
- Lucy: ...
- Jude: Ya, as in, we'll pay you to do it.
- [after still no response from Lucy]
- Jude: Thought that'd you'd be pleased.
- Lucy: What job?...
- Jude: It's a logo for Sadie's record company.
- Lucy: ...
- Jude: It's a strawberry. Ya' know. Red, juicy... Sexy. Yea? Get it?
- [no response from Lucy]
- Jude: No?
- [first lines]
- Jude: [singing] Is there anybody going to listen to my story all about the girl who came to stay? She's the kind of girl you want so much, it makes you sorry. Still, you don't regret a single day. Aw, girl. Girl...
- Lucy: [Crying and yelling at Jude outside the SDR headquarters after he came in, sang "Revolution", made a scene, punched Paco in the face, and was thrown out] What is the matter with you? Why would you do that?