Bottoms Up

This movie is awful! I would rather stab myself in the face for ten years with the blunt end of a pencil than have to sit through this awful, awful, awful, awful movie again. I can't believe I made it all the way through once. This movie was worse than watching a plate of dog poo for an hour and a half. I will set my TV on fire if anyone ever tries to watch this movie on it again. Paris Hilton was obviously sent from a horrible, cold planet of untalented heiresses who have billions of dollars they didn't earn and don't deserve, in order to destroy our planet by getting us to watch horrible, boring garbage like this until we all kill ourselves out of horrified boredom. Then they will move in and make earth shitty like their planet and continue making awful movies.

"Bottoms Up" definitely deserved it's fate. It's an unfunny mess.

Jason Mewes plays Owen, who is a bartender. His Dad's bar is about to close because of money problems. Then out of the blue, Owen sees there's a "King of The Bar" contest in California. He applies, but doesn't win, and now he needs to get the money fast. He meets Lisa Mancini (Hilton) and blackmails her to be popular.

It's a very stupid plot, with the choppiest editing I've seen in awhile. There's no buildup, or segue into scenes, There are plot holes and there is dialogue missing. And the "Golden Palace.Com" plug was the most shameless plug ever. "Hey man, I have an idea, let's win some money at Golden Palace.Com!" says one character.

Also why does Paris have blonde hair on the cover, but she's a brunette in the film? Jason Mewes was trying his hardest to breathe life into his character, but the script let him down. Paris Hilton was also trying... but not too hard though. She's basically playing herself. It's funny when other characters call her "A whore". Truth in jest perhaps? Let's not mince words: "Bottoms Up" is terrible.

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This movie is without doubt one of the worst i've ever seen. Having read the summary beforehand I knew it was never going to be a classic but it really was painful viewing. Due to the films simplicity I'll just follow its lead and simply list my thoughts on the film.

* The chemistry of the male and female leads is completely non existent and i've never seen a less convincing couple on screen than Jason Mewes and Paris Hilton

* The male lead in the movie is Jason Mewes, who unfortunately is entirely unsuited to this role and charisma free.

* The plot is the most threadbare and tedious I have ever seen, with a Minnesota bartender travelling with his gay uncle to Los Angeles and meeting a spoilt heiress. Sadly that really is about it.

* The script is neither funny nor creative.

* None of the characters are likable. In particular the supposedly humorous, gay 'Uncle Earl' just being a stereotypical and plain annoying character.

* Editing on this film was clearly not a priority, with many scenes appearing to take place that weren't really necessary and often scenes seem like endless drivel.

* Paris Hilton appears to be playing herself and is incapable of doing that. Her acting ability is non existent and it sounds like she has rehearsed her lines way too many times.

One of the most surprising elements of this film was seeing Jon Abrahams (star of 'Scary Movie' and 'Meet The Parents') playing a minor role in a poor DTV film. Despite this he seems completely uninterested when on screen and you can hardly blame him. But what was he thinking agreeing to this?

Overall, films don't get much worse than this and if you enjoy this film you really are easily pleased.

I give this movie 2/10.

I love bad movies. I do, I love watching them and laughing at their absurdity. This was a bad movie that I couldn't enjoy.

Maybe it was because I couldn't get passed my previous conceptions of the two leads. To me Paris Hilton is always Paris Hilton, for better or worse I cannot get "That's Hot" and Tinkerbelle and well everything else associated with her public persona. And Jason Mewes...he's Jay, I see him and I wonder where Silent Bob is. (As a side note Kevin Smith is in the film, although not silent, thank God, he's probably the funniest person in it!) And here I was thinking it was impossible to have worse chemistry than Hayden Christiansen and Natalie Portman in Episodes II and III...Oh boy was I wrong. Mewes and Hilton make them look like Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy. Not that they don't try their best. I can't help but think that this character Owen is closer to the real Mewes than Jay...He's silly and goofy but also a little sweet and incredibly loyal. As for Paris, she seems very uncomfortable as Lisa, which is strange because this is not a person I have ever seen feeling uncomfortable about anything.

Now on to the supporting cast, who I must say, are excellent. Like I said before Smith, as Owen's lazy farting best friend back home, is hysterical. The guy who plays Lisa's boyfriend Hayden is great. Also Owen's Uncle Earl is hysterical, as are the guys in Hayden's "posse" This is definitely worth the rental, but except crap...even from crap...

I recently rented out this film as an act to cover up all the boring lives me and my brain have had during the extended holidays, and this film, I hoped would cheer me up. Wrong.

I have seen more than enough films about people who want to do what this film does, and that was the first Mistake I made during my selection. The second one was, seeing Paris Hilton starring in it, because I've see, from House of Wax that she doesn't try hard to make her characters look well up on screen. The final mistake I made, was not checking on what critics had said.

Do not go rent this film because you will be disappointed.

1/10 (And that's being generous)