James Townsend and Alex Wilson in Sideline Secrets (2006)

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Sideline Secrets

Clitarissa Pink: [breaks up fight] Woah, woah, woah, woah. What's going on here?
[to fat bar patron]
Clitarissa Pink: Nu-huh, I done told you to get yo fat ass outta here. Go on, bitch! Just because you can't find yo penis, doesn't mean anybody wants to help you!

Clitarissa Pink: You know what Javier? You weren't there! You were never there when I needed you so why don't you just mix up your little drinks with your tank and your hair and SHUT THE FUCK UP! Glorified water boy...

Jenna: ...and how come you never get to see the guy's dick?

Devon Tyler: Are you sure you don't want to stay in tonight? There's an erotic movie on Skin-a-max!

Brian: I've got a secret... I love you!

Waitress: Why must all the hot guys always be gay?

Clitarissa Pink: Honey, I'm a man with his balls tucked into his asshole, not a telephone directory.

Clitarissa Pink: What in the hell is going on here?
[sees men with gun]
Clitarissa Pink: Oh!
[faints]

Dr. Kirk Tyler: [Pointing his gun at the crooked cop] Double cross-dressing f**k!

Donna Tyler: [Mom's voice-over of the letter Devon finds on waking] The next time you decide to sleep in the nude, two words... Lock the Door.

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