Death Tunnel - La maledizione

Jesus Christ.

I want my 90 minutes back.

It seems like people involved in making the movie must be writing all of the incredibly glowing reviews on here, so after having watched this gutted, burning shell of what could be called a movie I decided to write a little something as a stern and honest warning to people who don't like wasting their time and money.

Death Tunnel, Death Tunnel, oh god end my pain, Death Tunnel.. How could you be so terrible? You have so much going for you on paper:

1) Creepy setting

2) ...

OK, so you really don't have so much going for you, so why did I expect so much out of you? I think it was because I read an interview with your director and he name-dropped a few movies that I really enjoyed as some of his favorite movies of all time. I guess that's makes us all individuals; we can all share seemingly endless qualities with one another as a people, but not all of us have the ability to convince people to pay them to defecate.

Were I able to find someone to financially back my excrement, I would first want to know what they, my financiers, wanted to do with said excrement. Were they going to wear it as a hat? Possibly use it to plug up a leaky faucet? Try and make other people pay more money than they invested in it to sit down and watch this turd for 90 minutes? OK, hold the phone, you're telling me that people would pay money to look at my feces if you had your say about it, Daddy Warbucks? It's a deal, but, would you mind if I polished it up a bit? After all, it is MY feces.

Oh Death Tunnel, if only the people responsible for your excretion wanted you to be anything more than a pile of droppings... If only they could see that, as you are, you are so much dead weight around the shoulders of humankind, the yoke of Rushed Out Crap to DVD that is synonymous with other movies that fail as miserably as you do. If only people wouldn't stand for your brand of completely banal tripe with horrible, ADD editing glazed on in post to try and stupefy the audience since there's no other form of emotional connection to them that you are capable of presenting.

If you love your life, if you cherish your time spent being alive, please, resist any and every urge that you may have to watch this travesty of cinema. Cut off your own feet if it would stop you from walking to the store where you might accidentally buy it because you think the box art looks interesting. Gouge out your own eyes if it somehow finds itself in your DVD player. You might even want to go so far as to remove your own tongue if it would keep you from mentioning the movie to someone else.

This movie is Death Tunnel, after all, and yes, it really is that bad.

Death Tunnel was more than disappointing... it was abysmally bad. DT looked promising but unfortunately it showed a dull directing with lots of flashes, no gore, no spooks, no sense at all and an unbelievable pain to watch.

I do not have the habit to walk out the theater unless the movie finishes, but with Death Tunnel there were plenty of times where I thought about it. But I stay, hoping that something good could come... frustration... it never did.

The only positive thing about this mess was the hot chicks and the beautiful set of the sanatorium... that's why I thought it was going to be cool to see it. The trailer just got me wrong.

Death Tunnel is really a Death Tunnel... you feel you're trying to reach the light at the end, but the faster you try to walk or run, it seems the endurance never ends.

Avoid at all costs or check it if you like to torture yourself!

I just kept thinking "maybe it will start making sense". It didn't. In fact, I STILL have no idea what this movie was supposed to be about. In about the last 15 minutes, it is declared that it is history repeating itself. All of the girls looked the same, so you really didn't know what was happening. One minute they are at a nightclub, then they are in a abandoned asylum. Near the end of the movie, some dead male bodies appear in a morgue. No idea where they came from.

Then throughout the movie, they would show girls dieing, but you didn't know if it really happened or if it was a flashback to something. The only way you knew the movie was progressing is once in a while some presumably dead character which was never explained would say "Three hours.. three girls..." etc.

The whole movie is a bunch of five second scenes that have nothing to do with each other one right after another.

The location could have made a decent movie, but this ended up seeming more like a junior high school production that went bad.

This could easily be the most stupid movie I have ever seen.

In Kentucky, five sexy students are trapped to spend the night in an abandoned sanatorium, where many people were killed in the 30's when the location was devastated by an infectious white plague, as a prank of their school mates. Along the night, while trying to escape from the asylum, they are haunted by ghosts and the survivors disclose that they are descendant of the victims and are reviving their deaths.

"Death Tunnel" is a messy, noisy and boring rip-off of many other movies, with a group of students trapped in a haunted building. The screenplay and the edition are terrible, using unsuccessfully noise to startle the viewers. The acting is not bad, but the best of this forgettable crap are the girls wearing lingerie. The conclusion is simply awful. My vote is one.

Title (Brazil): "O Túnel da Morte" ("The Death Tunnel")

Where do I start with this abomination and absolute waste of film? The only reason I rented this piece of dung to begin with were the words "five sexy coeds" on the back of the package. My brain hurts just thinking of things to say afterwords. I really would like money put back into my account at Blockbuster video since they did not deter me from renting this horrible stink nugget. Of the five "sexy coeds" only three were remotely attractive with the other two hose-beasts leaving me waiting for my building's power to shut off and for me to be struck dead by lightning. I don't feel like going out of my way to give away any of this movie's plot to any prospective viewer since I don't want anyone else to suffer the same fate as I. The director of this movie will forever live in shame....shame.