Adventures of Young Van Helsing: The Quest for the Lost Scepter

There is not one good thing that can be said about this awful film. The "acting" was horrible. To even call it acting is an insult to real actors. It was worse than kindergarten kids reciting a poem. The professor character pushed his glasses up on his nose so often the you wanted to super glue them to his face to stop the annoyance. The direction was so bad that it seemed not to exist at all. The pace was so slow that a scene that should have taken 1 minute went on for 4. The last scene of this atrocity was an extended music video of a tuneless song done at a high school dance that went on forever. The only good part of the film occurred when "The End" flashed on the screen.

I watched this movie with my friends because they wanted to show me one of the worst movies of all time. They were exactly right! Not only does this movie have awful acting, the special effects (like for explosions they used firecrackers!) and music was terrible. It's hard to believe that this low quality of a movie was put into works. I will give this movie an A for effort. I think I know how they casted this movie. First, they went to a random high school. Then, they got onto the loudspeaker and asked if the entire school wanted to be in a movie. Then, they shot this movie like a low-budget porno. People who read this, understand that I love all types of movies, but this one did not wow me, it didn't keep me entertained, and all I could do was laugh at how awful this movie was. A 1 out of 10 is the perfect score for this movie.

This is to director Kevin Summerfield what the Holocaust is to Hitler--a masterpiece.

This seems to be a film made for tweens, but at the same time it's rather bloody and gory. If I were a tween, I'd think this film has the worst acting, ever. As an older and more mature person, I can say that it just has the worst acting I've ever seen. The back of the box advertises that the story involves a "whimsical" professor. Now, I've seen some whimsical professors in my day, but nothing tops this guy. He looks like they walked into Whimsy Mart, asked him if he ever had a hidden passion for acting, and then superglued an Einstein wig to his head. At one point, there's a closeup where he opens a door, and his head moves in and out of the frame, as if saying "HA! I AM FAR TOO WHIMSICAL FOR A MEASLY CLOSE-UP!" It's also hilariously, ineptly racist. I can't possibly believe that in the year 2004 a movie was made that features a black man looking at something and shouting "DAAAAYYYYUUMMMM!", but this movie does. The plot, which helpfully has a flashback at the beginning, and a bizarre tangent of a flashback near the end that make the plot only even more retarded. There's a time-telling device that is obviously a CD player painted tan with jewels on it. I really wonder if this wasn't a student film, but Kevin Summerfield has been making movies for a few years before this one.

If you see this in the five dollar bin at Wal-Mart (which thankfully I did not have to go through the trauma of, and saw this through a friend), you probably will not want to pick it up. Unless, of course, you are a racist, retarded sort of pre-teen.

Actually, as bad as the movie THE ADVENTURES OF YOUNG VAN HELSING is, the as-yet-unpublished novelization is very good. I was fortunate enough to obtain a copy of the novelization by R.H. Jones before I saw the movie, and can say that this is one instance where the writer took tremendous liberties with the script...and the result was excellent! In fact, this is a better movie novelization than many I've read. It has a Buffy, the Vampire Slayer feel to it, and I felt like I was reading a TV novelization. Should you have the opportunity to read the novelization if it ever gets published, don't bother ever seeing the movie!

There's a reason you this movie only cost $3, and that's because it's horrible. But there's no excuse for it being sold at all. Vampires are on the loose, and only bad acting can stop the onslaught. Wait, no, apparently bad special effects and writing will do it too. This might be a fun movie to mute and talk over though, as it won't distract you with a stimulating plot or anything. One chick is hot, as long as you don't listen to her and imagine her naked, and hot.

Here's an example of how bad this film is, they use a CD player as a countdown to the final confrontation. When it spins like crazy, the vampire's are coming!!! And of course, it only spins like crazy.