- Crow T. Robot: You know, this is just a great idea - a cable show where you make fun of other people's videos.
- Tom Servo: Shameless!
- Mike Nelson: It'll never last.
- [1997 Spelling Bee - a guy in a bee costume is consoling a runner-up in the "comfort room"]
- Spelly The Bee: It's OK, kid. Spelly The Bee says, not everyone can win. Someone has got to lose, and that someone just happens to be you.
- Dan Patrick: [Intro] Deep in the ESPN Tape Library, the Worldwide Leader in Classic Sports launched a new series designed to take a new look at the old games. They called it "Cheap Seats, with Ron Parker." Parker, an anchor with attitude with helped thanklessly by tape librarians Randy and Jason. The show was slated to go all the way. But moments into the first episode, tragedy struck. With Ron on the DL, someone needed to step up. Like Gehrig for Pipp, or Brady for Bledsoe. Sitting two and three on the hosting depth chart, that someone was Randy and Jason. That is their story, and this is "Cheap Seats... Without Ron Parker."