Cauldron: Baptism of Blood

CAULDRON: BAPTISM OF BLOOD is a new low in the career of Ted V. Mikels, a man with seemingly no discernible talent behind the camera whatsoever (or in front of it either, come to that, given his cameo appearance here). This film was made under the working title of BLOOD ORGY OF THE SHE-DEVILS II and it does have some similarity to that '70s cult film, i.e. it's similarly bad.

Don't go in expecting any plot or normal film-making style here. There's some nonsense about a woman attending a talent show which involves a bunch of old guys sitting around in a room while younger women struggle to act. But 90% of the production consists of the 'witch's coven' sequence, taking place on a single cheap set as a room full of women dance around in their underwear. They're hardly models and they're not actors either, so watching them gyrating for endless screen time is not exactly entertainment. It goes without saying that there's no nudity, just lots of cleavage, and tattoos if that's your thing. There's no gore or violence either aside from a rubber severed head at one point.

Mikels attempts to raise interest by including random inserted footage of fire-eating (!) and a clumsily superimposed 'devil face' which is quite laughable. There isn't much dialogue but that we do hear is delivered in the most stilted way imaginable. The budget for this movie was apparently $50,000 but where that went I have no idea because this looks like it cost nothing to make. It really is one of the worst I've ever seen.

What can I say about this fun movie? He is and has been a true king in his genre. Kellie Karl plays the innocent Stacy who is captured by the coven of witches who ceremoniously prepare for their next sacrifice. Her aspiring ventriloquist boyfriend, played by Tom Lynch is a real cute choice and the perfect hero! If scary movies are your thing, rent this one! You will not be disappointed and might even find yourself getting lost in the moment. Young love, evil intentions, and....well I won't ruin the surprise ending!! What a great movie to rent for a rainy day movie marathon!! This is true Ted V. Mikels form. Thanks Ted...keep 'em coming!

The Cauldron: Baptism of Blood is one of the greatest movies I have ever seen, and easily one of the greatest ones ever made. The movie, in a nutshell, is about young girls trading their souls to Satan for fame and fortune, and we all know what happens when we do that....we get punished for it! This film has it all folks. Sorcery, Witchcraft, Satanic Rituals, Black Magic, Paranormal and Psychic Phenomenon, and to top it off...beheadings! The Cauldron is written, directed, produced, photographed and edited(!!) by the great Ted V. Mikels who just keeps pushing out one great film after the other. I would also like to note that there is a demon by the name of "Vessago" in the film who is beyond creepy and very scary. Something that's hard to find in today's horror films, let alone independent ones. Also, the ritual music that appears in this movie is very accurate to those of satanic rituals and things of that nature. And it's also very catchy too.Another thing is the computer effects. The computer effects in this film is top notch! I've seen multi-million dollar movies that can't pull off CGI that The Cauldron has! Very well directed and scripted The Cauldron will have you at the edge of your seat just waiting to see what happens next! Stay for the ending, whatever you do, it's very very awesome. The dancers in the film aren't too bad to look at either...yet, ANOTHER plus to the film. I would also like to recommend you watch MARK OF THE ASTRO-ZOMBIES along with this for a night of fun and excitement. ENJOY!

CAULDRON: BAPTISM OF BLOOD is another thudding, sub-sludge offering from the god of such "films", Director Ted V. Mikels. It "stars" several non-actors, not acting in any way like actual actors. Or, living beings for that matter.

There are what appear to be women, wearing the latest in occult fashions. Many tattoos, and basic black "witch" clothes are worn. This fits in nicely with all of the other pseudo-macabre malarkey on display. Bongo drums play, because bongo drums are quite scary.

While these women get their Watusi on, preparing the obligatory human sacrifice, a wobbly, rubber demon looks on as if to say, "What the hell am I doing here?". Soon, Satan himself arrives, sporting his new hillbilly beard.

Red corn syrup flows, as the witchy women boogie on down with themselves. The devil's bongos play on.

Nothing in the history of filmmaking comes close to the "Styrofoam head being lowered into a fish tank" scene! Nothing!

More blocks of wood attempt to resemble humans, as putrid singing, stand-up comedy, and ventriloquism (!!) break out. All followed by further quasi-mumbo jumbo.

An autopsy on the owner of the Styrofoam head is performed in someone's bathroom. Police are perplexed. Mikels himself does a cameo as some sort of "expert". He's far more lifelike than anyone else involved in this cluster-fudge.

WARNING: This "movie" is only for the true lover of cinematic misery! All others may suffer irreversible brain shrinkage! Some reports indicate that a single viewing could cause CCC (Catastrophic Cranial Collapse)!...

I cannot begin to extol the virtues of this film!! Why wasn't this released in more theaters?? I had to go to the back room of the local video store just to find it. I won't give away anything here: this film is something you must see to believe. But the supporting cast was the most compelling I've seen in film in recent years. This movie made me proud to be a feminist. I cannot wait for the next one. The acting, the set design, every little nuance just screamed with authenticity. I almost felt I was living this movie. No plans for the weekend? Just rent this baby and pop it in your VCR, curl up with your sweetie. I promise you won't be disappointed!