Die You Zombie Bastards!

How can you not love this movie? Zombies, ninjas, robots, Vlad the Impaler, a former male porn star and poorly behaved dog-men! Oh, and hot topless zombie chicks. Hot. Topless. Zombie. Chicks. They couldn't have pirates because having them on-screen with all the others would create a "coolness overload" that might just destroy the planet. The movie makes almost no sense and the acting is atrocious but that doesn't really matter. If you love cheesy flicks you'll love this. The only reason it's not a 10 is every time I looked at the leading man's face my teeth began to hurt. Seriously, dude looks like he's been living on a diet of aluminum foil, broken glass and scrap metal.

If anyone ever tells me they have an idea for a movie but can't get it made, I will tell them about Die You Zombie Bastards! - an ambitiously bad indie horror flick packed full of every single bad idea everyone on set could think of. An involved and needlessly complicated script tells a story so completely amateurish and grade school that it simply can't be funny. Lead Tim Gerstmar deliberately overacts which is always a bad idea for a non-actor. I understand they're taking delight in being cheesy and stupid, but it is just too much to handle. Unless you are a huge fan of independent cinema, or actually had a part in making this, I can't imagine liking it. This reminds me of films I made with my friends on a camcorder when we were in high school. I go back and can barely watch those, and I was in them. This is like watching those films, but without the personal connections. While I appreciate this film took 5 years to make, and the editing and soundtrack are respectable, it can't make up for the complete lack of humor, horror, or anything worthwhile. The only thing I could say is that there are plenty of boobies... but most of them aren't very good, well they're good, but it doesn't seem to help matters much. Though I'm not a fan of rating 10s or 1s.... this one really is a waste of your eyesight - don't bother.

*SIGH*... Alright, look. I'm perfectly aware that there's much, much worse out there in the way of B-entertainment. But, come on. Must Die You Zombie Bastards! be THAT ridiculous? I mean, tone it down some, your'e not a Troma movie, get over it. Over the top is one thing, but this overly ambitious silliness almost resembles something like Drawn Together from Comedy Central, more so than a Troma, which just has to be what they were going for. That, and maybe Chris Seaver, and let me tell ya, this one ain't no LBP epic, either. On the other hand, Die You Zombie Bastards! still has a lot going for it, that is, if you're only watching for the excessive, comical gore. Otherwise, this movie is just irritating

Die You Zombie Bastards is about a serial Killer, Red Toole. Red Toole enjoys murdering, mutilating, and eating human flesh, and like a lot of confused young men, Red also really digs super-hero's, or, I guess, he think's he is one, I don't know. Anyway, Toole is a fairly easy-going fellow, he seems to really enjoy life, and why shouldn't he? Red's hobby/passion is not only tolerated by his wife, but the gorgeous Violet has also embraced his love for cannibalism, and murder. It's just an all around healthy marriage.

For every super-hero, there has to be the bad guy. Meet Nefarious. A mad scientist, with some rather unique fetish's, which cant't really be explained on this website. This guy is searching for the perfect woman, and on this day, he finds her. that's right, Toole's girl, Violet. With the help of some Zombies, and some other fake-looking things, Nefarious steals his new girlfriend, right from under Toole. From here, Red Toole embarks on a world wide (New England) journey to rescue his hot wife from the clutches of this new, rather disturbed enemy named Nefarious. From here, everything is just, joke, after gag, after pun, after baby noise, after confusing inside joke (Peanutch?). I was expecting a lot more, after reading a lot of the positive reviews. Thank's a lot, guys. That money could've gone to something awesome like The Undertaker And His Pals or TeenApe Goes To Camp.

What also gets under my skin is all the little flashbacks, sorta like in the TV show Scrubs. It's OK for Scrubs, because Scrubs isn't as stupid as this. Just doesn't fit in something like this, or maybe it does, what the hell do I know? Die You Zombie Bastards! is just a little too self-aware for my taste, it comes off more like a spoof of B-horror, which can be a good thing, but this movie just rubs me the wrong way. Aside from all this, were looking at some bold, outlandish Exploitation that will leave you exhausted if you try to understand it. Die You Zombie Bastards will force at least a couple laughs out of you, regardless of how stupid (or pathetic) you might, or might not, think it is. Recommended to those who will give anything a chance as long as super-hero's are involved, even an overly-silly, sci-fi-ish, Troma-wannabe, about a serial killing, super-hero on a stupid little mission called Die You Zombie Bastards! But hey, there's always the gore. 4/10

Deliberately off the wall and over the top goof ball comedy suffers from what has been described to this viewer as the "trying too hard" syndrome. In this case, the makers of the film are trying too hard to aspire to Troma-esque heights of lunacy and create an instant cult sort of film. When it comes right down to it, this movie goes on a little too long and gets too tiresome at times. It's awfully crude and immature - there's more than enough penis jokes on hand - but then, one has to assume that that was the whole point. All things considered, "Die You Zombie Bastards!" is still a reasonable amount of fun, and gets by on its incredible enthusiasm and fearlessness, as it adopts a "let's throw all kinds of stuff at the wall and see what sticks" approach. It *does* feature some appreciably wacky ideas, as a highly unlikely "hero" named Red (Tim Gerstmar) finds that his wife Violet (Pippi Zornoza) has been abducted by a scheming villain appropriately named Don Nefarious (Geoff Mosher), who's constructed a diabolical machine dubbed the EnormoZombotron that turns unlucky schmucks into pink haired, green skinned zombies. Unfortunately, one thing that happens here is that the movie gets a little repetitive as Red has one encounter after another, as each supposedly helpful individual he meets refers him to another person. Still, there are some fun character moments spread throughout. Sandra Kennedy is particularly delicious as Super Inga. Some schlock fans watching should note the generous dose of bare female flesh on display. The eclectic soundtrack includes a number of entertaining alternative artists, with Paul Leary of The Butthole Surfers prominently featured; rockabilly artist Hasil Adkins plays himself in the movie, and is a hoot, even when his dialogue gets incoherent. In a special guest star role is porn legend Jamie Gillis, in the role of Stavros, making his last appearance in a feature film. Makeup and visual effects are strictly of the aggressively tacky and therefore highly amusing variety. Not that any of us would expect much else from a movie with this title, anyway. With nods to "Clash of the Titans" and "Jaws" along the way, "Die You Zombie Bastards!" isn't as fun as this viewer would have liked, but is also pretty hard to dislike. At least it goes all out for an "everything and the kitchen sink" style finale. Just don't take the title too literally and expect much in the way of actual zombies. Troma boss Lloyd Kaufman is actually featured as the announcer of the game show. Six out of 10.

Well well, what was this. I have seen the trailer and thought, well, this I must see, so I did but it was weirder than the trailer. If you are going to watch it be advised that it is really a weird movie. Don't take it seriously, but watch it with a pint of beer and some nachos. Sit down and relax and take a ride towards cheap effects (space ship, sea monster), cannibalism (a couple loves to eat human flesh), stupid hero's (red man), stupid make up (Baron Nefarious and the zombies), goofy story lines (in fact the whole movie) and the obligatory nudity (a lot of juggs and hairy kitty cats). Sometimes it's a bit boring but I must say that the acting of Tim Gerstmar is excellent. Many will find it celluloid shite others will adore it.