H20 - Bagno di sangue

I've got a friend who plays on my masochistic urges. He tries to dig up the worst movies that he can because he knows I'll watch anything once. 'Leeches' was his most recent bid to break my spirit. It is pretty far from great, but it is no worse than you might expect it to be. This is actually a very good time to 'judge a book by its cover.' Everything you need or want to know is there.

In fairness, the film is not trying to be anything more than a low-level exploitation film. A similarly masochistic buddy of mine watched it with me and we actually found it hilariously funny in a couple of spots. The acting is total cheeseball and the dialogue is ridiculous. The film is charged with homo-eroticism. Come on, it is just hilarious the number of shower scenes that take place, and the fact that all of the guys go into slow motion when they undress to go swimming.

The leeches are pretty funny. They move very slowly ... until they attack. Then suddenly they become piranhas and move with lightening speed. The leeches also have high pitched squeaky voices. Oh yes, this is a special film.

If I was going to be generous I would say you could watch this film as a satire of teen monster movies or that it is maybe a message film -- "Steroids are BAD!" You'll be happier if you watch it and just revel in the b-movie humour. A lot of it is unintentional and the actors all take their parts with a hilarious degree of seriousness. What little hope there might have been for this movie was spoiled by a completely random plot twist in the last moments of the movie.

I was going to list a series of questions that the movie had brought up for me, like why a competitive swim team with an Olympic sized pool would need to swim in a leech infested lake. I don't really want to waste anymore time on this movie though and I hope anyone reading this is doing it pre-emptively. I love bad movies but this is just garbage, sprinkled with a side of unintentional humour.

Yes, I knew what I was getting into when I rented LEECHES! Yes, I know what kind of films Dave makes for Rapid Heart. Yes, I knew there would be non-stop guys-in-speedo scenes. And yes, I even knew this movie would be flawed.

So why did I see it?

Simple, I was on a swimteam back in the day and I thought: "What an interesting concept!"

Of course, all of the other thoughts in my head kept telling me "Stay away...stay away. You know what this is gonna turn out to be!" But I say to hell with it and rented it anyway.

All of what I thought did come true. Too many speedo shots, boring and obviously mechanical "leeches" and an ending so rushed and so dull I think I could have slapped one of the leeches on my and let it suck out my blood. Just to numb the pain of seeing this film.

Still, the fact of a swimteam taking on a "hord" of killer leeches was fun, funny and out of the norm!

Oh well...I am a sucker of b-movies and will be until my dying day. If they keep making them. I'll keep watching them.

5 out of 10

There is no reason why this movie is as bad as it is. wait, yes there is. it was shot in six days and as far as i can tell, the budget went to location fees instead of talent. the movie was made b/c one of the actors "wanted to play a nerd," and it's just downhill from there.

the actors all look alike, and i can't tell whose character is who. for a campy horror movie, there is NO sex, not even nudity. and the leeches. the barely muppet-esque, hand puppet leeches. the pain. the agony.

i've watched some bad movies in my time, but this simply takes the cake. a bad aprody of a film student's final project, this is a flick to be avoided AT ALL COSTS. and when something isn't even worth the cost of a 99 cent rental...

it's just bad. out and out painfully, not even mockably bad.

Okay, the "leeches" are rubber leech gloves on someone's hands. The swim team is a collection of non-acting, nondescript, male models who can't afford shirts. The females are utterly useless. The "story" seems thrown together at the last minute, and the filming itself has a closed in, tunnel vision look, like we're zeroed in on 10% of what's going on, while missing 90% of the picture.

Is LEECHES the worst movie ever made? No, there are equally dismal pieces of cinematic dross out there.

So, while this movie might be extremely painful, it won't cause agonizing death. Director David DeCoteau has his target audience, and perhaps this hits that mark. Otherwise, it's sub-sludge in its most pungent form...

The movie was bad. But the guys playing in it made it possible to for me to see it until the end. I really don’t know what kind of budget they had for this movie, I am sure it wasn’t that much, but the director did a good job. The shots seemed weird but they served their purpose: not to see the hands! When you see the movie you will understand what I mean with the “hands”! For the money they must have had, I really thought they did a pretty good job although some sounds, like the heartbeat when the leeches came, made me want to break the TV screen! The positive of this movie was the director who had some interesting findings to make his movie work. On the other hand the movie didn’t work that well in the end! But I found it pretty interesting watching and learning how the director worked with what he had in every scene and made it possible for this movie to come out. Really don’t expect much, it’s not that good. For those who love low budget movies you will love this one. It is one of the worst and it is an honor I think for a horror movie to be one of the bottom. First the octopus in “Bride Of The Monster”, now the leeches in “Leeches!”. The actors had to do what Lugosi had done then!! Sorry for not saying more you will have to see it!