The Anna Nicole Show

First of all, before I comment on this, let me set the record straight. I don't watch much TV. I prefer not to. The overabundance of idiotic reality TV shows and ungodly irritating commercials makes me wonder how the human being can withstand such systematic torture for such prolonged periods of time. With the exception of "The History Channel", "Sundance/IFC", the news, and some documentary channels, TV is an absolute waste. And I realize I'll probably receive some sort of backlash because of my comment on television altogether, but in all honesty I don't really care because I'm entitled to my opinion just like you're entitled to your own. Anyway, one with "Anna Nicole Show"...

Wow, really, wow! I realize that TV's trying to cater to society's lowest common denominator, but this is ridiculous! Someone please tell me how this became one of the highest rated shows on the network! Please tell me why any of this is viewed as funny. For comedy, I find things funny because of timing and comedic talent. Anna Nicole herself is such a no-talent brain-dead, we wonder if she even knows her own ass from a hole in the ground. If the answer to finding Anna Nicole funny is that it's a "riot" to watch her bumble around from place to place with only one hemisphere of her mind turned on, then the answer doesn't make me laugh. It makes me cringe. Sure we like to laugh at people like Anna Nicole, but isn't there an infinitely better and vaster amount of things to watch besides that?

And again, those of you watching it and find enjoyment out of it...go ahead! Feel free to watch it! I'm not one to say watch it or don't. But watching something like "Anna Nicole" and seeing how someone show dull in intelligence can make so much money and celebrity causes me to fear greatly for the future generations to come, whatever those may be.

Network: E!; Genre: reality, documentary, comedy; Content Rating: TV-14 (for adult content); Classification: Contemporary (Star range: 1 - 4);

Season Reviewed: Season 1+

Wouldn't you know that E!: Entertainment Television was a cable channel that will look at the phenomenal success of the first season of 'The Osbournes' and have absolutely no idea what they are seeing. In trying to create their own version of the monster hit MTV docu-comedy, 'The Anna Nicole Show' mis-reads everything that is so engaging and likable about the Osbourne family. Based on the chosen subject of this show, they think we like Ozzy because he slurs his words unintelligibly or that we like Sharon because she's a spoiled Beverly Hills transplant. That, a few extra pounds and a trailer park attitude is pretty much all you'll find in Anna Nicole Smith - who E! wants to position as America's favorite strung-out, gold-digging over-grown baby.

Possessing not one shred of the wit, irony and evident unconditional love of 'Osbournes', 'Nicole' wants us to arrogantly mock Smith and feel better about ourselves watching her 1) house shopping while trying to find a bathtub she can fit in (no joke) 2) humiliating her son over the telephone and on theme park trips 3) being wrangled around by her handlers and specifically lawyer Howard K. Stern (an obvious tie-in in the making for E!) 4) giving us a fleeting but nonetheless traumatizing glimpse into her masturbation habits and 5) babying her dog Sugar Pie. That's it. That's the show people. If it sounds like your kind of television than you'll be in hog heaven, but you might feel awful in the morning.

This isn't hip it's just sad. I don't need my TV classy. I'm not going to call this exploitative or condemn people who want to make fun of what a pathetic individual Anna Nicole Smith has let herself become. I just need these type of shows to be funny, which this isn't. The problem with this kind of extreme television is that the results are just as extreme - it can be terrific (as evident by the perfect contemporary 4 star score I gave to 'The Osbournes: Season 1'), but when it falls it falls hard and lands flat on it's face. A miserable failure.

This show could have been a rich, stupidly funny satire of a celebrity who has outlived Hollywood's usefulness of her, but would Hollywood-worshiping E! really ever go for something like that? They just want this to be a drive-by car-wreck. It's about that much fun. "Anna" is nearly un-watchable, network constructed dreck, dragging not just through the episode, but from commercial break to commercial break. It's got a cute animated intro, I'll give it that. Reminds me of the 2nd season 'Strangers With Candy' intro. I'm sure that's not what E! was going for.

½

Have you seen her recently?! Anna Nicole is now the spokesgirl for Trimspa diet pills because of her 40 pound weight loss. She's back!

Anna Nicole Smith was once a stunningly beautiful young model who had modeled for Playboy, Guess?, and Lane Bryant. Now she is a 36-year-old still-beautiful-but-slightly-overdone widow who has her own reality show in which she stars with her lawyer and best friend Howard, her 17-year-old son Daniel, and her personal assistant Kimmie. Wait, let's not forget Sugar Pie, Anna's tiny black dog that she takes with her EVERYWHERE!

Okay... well. What can I say? I enjoy this show because I enjoy Anna- she's my hero. Why? Simple. She's a big girl and she made it. I am also 5'11 with larger measurements and instead of feeling huge, I just say to myself "Anna's my size and she's gorgeous!" She makes me feel better. But don't get me wrong! I hardly approve of most of Anna's silly behavior as far as guzzling alcohol, swearing like a sailor, and having constant physical encounters with male AND female exhibitionists goes. But who the hell am I to judge the way she wants to live? I just think she's a kick to watch and I think it's really cute how she and Howard fight so much one wonders if they're really in love! Now THAT would be interesting... a new wedding for Anna? Well, maybe and maybe not, but watch at least one episode of the new season- that weight is GONE!

I have seen this show a couple of times. To be honest, I feel kind of sorry for this lady. For starters, she is not very bright at all, I get that impression. Second, I wonder if she realizes that people are actually laughing AT HER and not WITH HER. Third, she really has no purpose in life except to eat, sleep, shop and really do nothing. I know a lot of people who would kill for this lifestyle but in my opinion, not having a purpose in life would make me feel pretty useless. I do not find humor in this show or in her at all. I just feel sorry for her....it is like she has no real purpose in life at all.

This section of the review is written for Anna:

Hi Anna. I wanted to like this Anna, I did. I watch it. But I is bored. You do nothing funny. You silly. You yell. And you dumb-dumb. Please stop this Anna. My eyes hurt like boo boo when I see you. I go watch Osbournes instead...

For the IMDb readers:

I can understand the logic: put a famous person (or family) in the limelight and rake in the bucks. It worked with the Osbournes so what went wrong here? ANNA NICHOL SMITH went wrong. So what if she is fat and retarded, she's famous right? It's gotta work right? Wrongo! If all it took was stupidity and obesity, I would be doing shows on about have the people I know. The problem is: She is boring, just like half the people I know.

Anna is also on drugs most of the time, which takes her from the blond airhead level of intelligence to the downright retarded one. But hey! Ozzy seems like he's on drugs ALL the time too (even though he isn't) but he has wit and charm and the ability to deliver some terrific one-liners. Anna doesn't. Anna is just dull and pathetic. If you don't believe me, go watch for yourself.