Ninja Dragon

"Ninja Dragon" is the first of the many Richard Harrison / Godfrey Ho ninja atrocities that I fell head over heels in love with. Once discovered and sampled, like crack, i had a habit i just couldn't kick.

This one sports a loosely-integrated plot line about Hong Kong (or is it Shanghai?) gangsters vying for supremacy, without reckoning upon the NINJA SUPREMACY of ninja master Gordon and his mate Dragon, guesting with Harrison's character via photographs and badly-matched footage.

Gasp at the fact they thought it appropriate to name the sisters "Phoenix and Fanny".

Gawp at the genius of the funeral director (best supporting character in any film ever made, ever!): "REMOVE HATS!!!"

Gape at Harrison and 'Bruce Stallion' PLAYING THE GAME OF DEATH!! They just don't make 'em like this anymore. Unhinged.

"Remove hats!" Gordon and his mate Dragon are a bit miffed when their business partner Fat Ronald gets his throat cut by a rival gang. Ronald's daughters Phoenix and Fanny take over the family business, but enemy Tiger Chan has guys working on the inside, so it's up to Dragon to protect Ronald's Fanny. "Kneel Down!" Gordon vows revenge in the only way he knows - by transforming in a ninja in a cloud of steam and defying gravity! As he (rather easily) wastes people in ninja battles, Dragon does the same in the other film. Did I say other film? Slip of the tongue there,because of course Ninja Dragon is a cohesive movie that makes complete sense, just like all Godfrey Ho films. "First Bow!" See: A man repeatedly smashing his face off of a rock until it is a pulp! Another man doing basically the same thing later on! A gunfight in a warehouse where bags of flour hang from the ceiling! Richard Harrison doing all his own stunts I'm sure! Sudden abrupt ending! "Second Bow!" This isn't quite as mental as you'd expect, and there's loads of gun play and the overuse of the word "Fanny", but you'll get your giggles here I'm sure. "Third Bow!"

A requirement for watching this film is being drunk! Richard Harrison is in his ace. Being an almighty ninja, and far better than all other characters. He is far too old for the stuff his character is doing. But rest assured, the director got that problem tackled: "We jus t dress him up from top to toe in ninja outfit and let the stuntman do the entire role!".

The film-editing is doing everything it can to ruin any cool ninja effects by using some of the oldest tricks in the editor books. Ex.: rewinding the film, so it looks like they are jumping really weird ninja-jumps. They are clipping the movie together like a child would do it. In some fighting scenes it is so obvious that its two different scenes mixed together so it should look like one.

Well, all I can say is: this film is a gem! If you are fond of "crabcake" movies, you just have to see this! Its especially good while being drunk with a few friends.

I don't know if this film was supposed to be hilarious, but it's certainly succeeded in being so. It's a poor martial arts film. Badly dubbed (sometimes English badly dubbed over in English!), awfully acted, rubbish storyline, gratuitous nudity, generally really dumb and clichéd, and it's the combination of all these things that makes the film an absolute classic. The lead actor, Richard Harrison, is far too old to be able to do the stunts that his character is doing, so in the fight scenes he's completely covered from head to toe! A masterstroke! I love the way one of the Chinese girls is called Fanny as well. Her name is said over and over as well. Highly amusing.

If they had tried to make this funny they wouldn't have been able to, due to the complete lack of talent in the team. This is a perfect so-crap-it's-funny movie, that could be enjoyed by anyone who likes to laugh at something rather than with something.

7/10 for reasons of enjoyment. 0/10 for quality (in other words - I could have done just as good myself!).

Throughout the 1980s, director Godfrey Ho was responsible for churning out dozens of cheap ninja flicks, many starring blonde, mustachioed 'hunk' Richard Harrison, and nearly all of them pretty awful. Occasionally, the technical shoddiness of the film and Ho's complete inability to tell a decent story would combine to make an unforgettable viewing experience worth seeking out (Ninja Terminator being a great example). Ninja Dragon, however, is not one of these, being a mundane gangster tale so tedious that even the odd spot of ninja awesomeness and some funny dubbing cannot save it.

Richard plays Gordon, a shady bank owner who decides to settle the score when his card playing pals murder his business partner Ronald (they're obviously miffed at Gordon for playing one winning hand and then calling it a night, claiming he's tired). Meanwhile, a turf war erupts between Ronald's gang, now led by his daughter, and Fox Chan, Ronald's lifelong enemy, leading to endless dull shootouts between groups of nameless gangsters (inexplicably dressed in 30s style garb: pinstripe suits and trilby hats).

Plus points include some welcome gratuitous female nudity, and Harrison striking a variety of silly poses whilst wearing his natty camouflage suit, but even the most rabid fans of z-grade martial arts nonsense will struggle with this effort.