Nikos the Impaler

You've got to admire Andreas Schnaas: despite no discernible talent for film-making, he's been churning out low-budget gore movies since 1987. I first experienced his bargain basement horror 15 years ago with the abominable 'Zombie 90' , and I recently picked up 'Nikos the Impaler' in the hope that maybe he had improved somewhat over the last decade and a half. No prizes for guessing that he hasn't!

This tale of a bloodthirsty 11th century barbarian brought to life in present day New York features some of the worst direction, editing and acting it has ever been my misfortune to witness. Schnaas and his team seem to have no idea how to piece a film together, but somehow, despite this (or because of this), 'Nikos' turned out to be fairly entertaining—a case of a film being made bearable due to its utter crapness. Of course it doesn't hurt that Schnaas loads his film with joke-shop gore and includes a gratuitous shower scene for the blokes (albeit one featuring a skanky woman with bad tattoos).

Schnaas's first film to be made in America, 'Nikos' starts off slowly, and the first half an hour is a real chore to sit through. After that, the blood starts to flow and fans of no-budget gore-fests will love the OTT death scenes. The unrealistic no-frills splatter FX come thick and fast and are good for a laugh, if nothing else.

Nikos, the big bad Romanian who is resurrected when blood is accidentally splashed on his mask at a museum/gallery, slices and dices his way through the cast, splashing blood and body parts all over the place. After slaughtering the people in the gallery, he continues his killing spree on the streets of the Big Apple, wasting the occupants of a cinema, the staff of a gym and finally some people in a video shop. At this point the movie goes completely bonkers, and Schnaas throws in some ninjas, a vampire and Hitler for good measure!

Sounds like fun, doesn't it? Well, for a while it is, but the lack of a decent plot and any evidence of technical ability from the makers ensures that proceedings become tedious before long. There's only so many inept beheadings you can take before you start longing for the end credits to roll instead.

This movie is obviously a low budget splatter-flick as clearly expressed on the cover. I don't understand why reviewers are expecting great acting and Hollywood special effects. This is a project done by people who really just love what they do, and they do it for free. If you're looking for Hollywood stuff then watch Hollywood stuff. I personally enjoy this movie very much and I suggest it often because I personally know what it's like to create with no capitol. I rarely see a big budget film that sticks in my mind long enough to recommend it to others. Niko's decapitates and disembowels New York with no big names and zero budget. Andreas Schnaas writes, directs, acts and creates his own special effects. He will make it happen with rocks and dirt if he has to. Hollywood needs a thousand hands and millions of dollars and can't even do remakes well the majority of the time. Peace.

NIKOS THE IMPALER is not actual moviemaking. It's really nothing more than a group of people wondering how much carnage they can orchestrate with a limited budget. Even for those who enjoys gore, as I do occasionally, NIKOS doesn't offer enough COMPETENT gore and blood and guts to satisfy.

Perhaps the real audience of NIKOS is those who doesn't require their gore to be well done. If so, then NIKOS is for them. It's mostly childish gore, and most of the killings come by way of decapitations. Really, once you've seen five characters getting their heads badly chopped off by a big sword, do you really need to see 10 more?

4 out of 10

(go to www.nixflix.com for a more detail review and reviews of films in this genre)

This is a truly abysmal movie, this is one of those movies where you can truly see that acting and saying your lines takes a least a bit of talent, and most, if not ALL in this movie has the acting talent of a three year old, they.... well they SUCK, i have seen better acting from kindergarter plays. The story is acceptable if nothing fancy, but the rest is bad or worse, the "gore" effects are laughable, this is truly a LOW budget movie, and it shows in every single scene. Normally i dont mind naked females in movies, but here it was so... not needed, the scene with the naked women was just sad.

The only way to watch this movie is with drugs and/or a lot of drunk, REALLY drunk friends, then it would most likely be a godsend, or at least viewable.

Wow, I'm rather amazed I've seen a lot of bad horror movies in my life, but this one is probably the worst yet. I haven't seen any of Andreas Schnaas' other movie, but from what I've read this is his best movie. So I might just have to see the rest to see if it's really possible to make anything worse then this one. The acting was crappy, not really the biggest surprise this is after all a low-budget B-movie. But usually B-movie know how to make fun/interesting killing. This is not the case in Nikos. Basically Nikos is just a crappy Jason-clone who walks around killing people with his big-ass broadsword. and that's all he does! A guy walking around killing people with a big sword can actually make a decent movie, if the killer does it in new and interesting ways. Nikos doesn't do that, he just lobs of people's heads (with a few exceptions not may though).

I wouldn't recommend this money to my worst enemy, no one should be made to watch this movie, it's simply too crappy.