The Karate Dog

Where to begin with THE KARATE DOG, a terrible movie from beginning to end. What could of been a funny movie ends up being a snoozer. Or, is that a woofer? Anyway, everyone is wasted in this movie. Now, I know Simon Rex is no, well, he's not much of anything but he has been in better movies than this crap fest. Jaime Pressly, his love interest, must of graduated from C.A.C., CRAP ACTRESS COLLEGE, cause if she does have any acting talent of any kind she damn sure doesn't display it here. Watching her act is like pooping razor blades, pretty damn painful. No, I've never pooped razor blades but you know it would be painful. Hell, it would probably kill you. And what's up with Jon Voight? His performance as the bad guy is so over-the-top it is pathetic. I will admit, Cho-Cho is quite unique but even the Karate Dog can't hold this movie together. I did laugh in this movie. It wasn't at anything that was said or done though. It was at the damn CGI, so crappy it made my eyes sore. They say not to lay down with sleeping dogs cause you'll wake up with fleas and I'll never lay down to watch this movie again. Damn, something's biting me!!!

SFPD Computer Expert Peter Flower (Simon Rex) investigates the murder of an man (The late Pat Morita), what seems to be a murder/robbery case. But Peter discover that the man, who recently murder has an dog named Cho Cho (Voiced by Chevy Chase). Which Cho Cho could actually talk to Humans and he's the only witness to the crime. Cho Cho feels that his master was up to something and Peter tries to help Cho Cho to solve it. So Cho Cho could avenged his master's murderer. But Cho Cho and Peter finds themselves an strange case that involves Dogs on the race track and an millionaire (Jon Voight), who thinks who found the fountain of young by using Drugs and Dog DNA!

Directed by the late Bob Clark (Black Christmas, A Christmas Story, Porky's) made an silly comedy that aimed at Kids. Although the low-budget of the film is hurt by most of the CGI effects on the film. An bigger budgeted was certainly needed in this film as well. But it's Chase as the voice of "Cho Cho" makes it bearable. Chase certainly gives most of the laughs in this one. Rex is likable enough in the movie and he has an hilarious sequence with Jaime Pressly in the restaurant scene. Only Voight seems to be embarrassed with his film and he gets goofier by the minute with his bizarre performance. Which Voight must paid well to be in this movie and he got to work with Clark again on the "Baby Geniuses 2"!

The Canadian DVD has an fine Pan & Scan (1.33:1) transfer and an decent Dolby 2.0 Surround Sound. The movie works best during the first half and This is certainly not the best work of Clark's or his worst. But it's decent enough and it is certainly better than "Baby Geniuses". Voight reunited with his co-star Ron Lester from "Varsity Blues" Voight even executive produced this oddball movie. (** ½/*****).

Cho Cho (voice of Chevy Chase) is an extraordinary dog who has been especially trained by his master, Chin Li (Pat Morita). Li is a powerful karate expert and his dog has learned the moves. Not only this, the pooch can talk English! One sad day, bad guys come looking for Li, as he has discovered a rejuvenation formula. Cho Cho's beloved owner is killed but not before a huge fight. In the fray, Cho Cho is also targeted for extermination but he escapes. As police and detectives arrive to investigate what happened, our canine jumps in the back of the hot sports car driven by a handsome detective, Peter (Simon Rex). Once they arrive back at Pete's place, the dog finally starts talking. Peter is freaked! Yet, as he pays attention, this law officer knows what a tremendous help Cho Cho will be in finding the men who murdered Li. He also grows very fond of the lovable dog. Aiding their investigation is a beautiful police officer, Ashley (Jaime Pressly), who Peter admires openly. As all trails lead to a crooked dog racing businessman, Hamilton (Jon Voight), who is only interested in winning races, can the officers bring down Hammie? Can Cho Cho help Peter romance Ashley? This darling movie has a real dog but also uses computer animation to give the canine martial arts skills. What a concept! Rex and Pressly are a dynamite couple, in looks and charm, while Chase makes Cho Cho a dog after everyone's heart. Morita, Voight, and all of the cast fine work, too. Sets, costumes, effects, a funny script and a surefooted direction all combine to produce such an entertaining family film! Doggone it, find it soon.

The actors doing the voices for the dogs--especially Chevy Chase--seem to be the most talented here. Also Nicollette Sheridan as a white cat who provides valuable help getting things done. And Lori Petty is quite good as Fowler's version of Siri.

The dogs, and the cat, are also talented musicians. Or appear to be.

The animals can't be that talented, but CGI helps. It's realistic only in the sense that if dogs could move like this, they would look this way.

The movie's title is misleading in that karate is rarely used, but it is used. Cho Cho and Cage also breakdance. You KNOW that's not Jon Voight doing most of it.

And what about Jon Voight? Isn't he a respected actor? What is he doing here? He's not that good, although you could blame the drugs. Still, it is possible for an actor to show talent as someone going senile, even comically. I'm just not sure that's what's happening here.

Jaime Pressly hadn't won any of her Emmys yet, but she does show promise here. Ashley is sweet and intelligent, and of course beautiful.

Fowler is interested in Ashley romantically. This leads to a hilarious Cyrano de Bergerac scene in a restaurant.

It's a kid's fantasy, though a little on the violent side for young kids. But I can't see this appealing to that many adults.

Still, it made me relatively happy.

A dog suspended from the ceiling by a cable attached to a harness. Pat Morita pretending to be Chinese. A dog coaching a human on what to say to his dinner date through an earpiece from the bushes. A police detective who owns a million dollar house on the San Francisco bay. A Dalmatian that plays the cello. A fat kid with an earring. A terrier djing the party and scratching on the turntables. A woman who never closes her mouth. A movie named KARATE dog where everyone is supposed to be doing Chinese martial arts. A bumbling, overzealous dog catcher who keeps all the animals in a Guantanamo bay styled facility where they scrawl "woof" and other graffiti on the wall.

Sound great already? It only gets better: A dog takes on 5 human assassins who just defeated his human master and beats them into submission using the martial prowess he achieved spending much of his life as his masters top student. In a flurry of punches and kicks he renders all of them unconscious and/or sets their butt on fire. He bites the leader on the wrist (who is wearing a mask) and spends the rest of the movie trying to solve the mystery of the bitten leader by looking for visual clues such as a band-aids on the wrist etc. Apparently, the greatest canine martial artist to ever live made some sort of Faustian deal where he traded in his canine sense of smell for the ability to roundhouse kick people who are over 6 feet tall.

An all dog band called "the puppies". A repairman disguise kit for infiltrating hi-tech corporate headquarters that says "barker industries" on the back. A Trojan'd compact disc that literally blows up every computer within a 50 foot radius and cuts the building's power when you stick it in a CD drive on a PC.

This movie is great.

Underlying it all is a malicious thread of species-ism in the form of dog-cat hatred. At every opportunity defamatory and slanderous anti-feline sentiments are expressed, implied, and presented in a manner that reveals the deep seated prejudice of the screen writer. The only human minorities in the movie are two moron policemen who constantly make lowbrow, lewd innuendos at every given opportunity, referencing bestiality. Their ethnicity? Surprise! LATINO.

If this wasn't already some of the most exciting cinema of the new millennium, add to that the physics defying martial choreography, featuring mouth-breathing blonde bombshells doing two legged back kicks after running up the wall and septuagenarian sport board breaking.

It concerns me deeply that English speaking children are shown mindless drivel like this without consideration of the lasting emotional and spiritual injury that could be incurred.

The only disappointment? On the cover of the DVD it shows the dog wearing a headband. The dog NEVER wears a headband ONCE in the whole movie.

In summation: the greatest film ever made.