Blackwoods

On a road-trip to meet her family, a couple get sidetracked by the residents of a small-town community who are seemingly trying to kill him, but as he spends more time in the area, he begins to see the real reason behind their actions and tries to stop them before he comes to any harm.

There's a lot to dislike here as this was a really flawed entry. One of the biggest is that it's built around one of the most insipid and utterly moronic twists in the genre (it's not the worst, but man is it up there) that basically makes the entire film completely worthless, and when combined with an irritating belief that every single action scene must be shot in slow-motion combined with a camera angle that is so blurred and out-of-focus it's still impossible to tell what's going on. There's almost no gore or even kills happening on-screen and that it's more of a mystery than anything makes it nearly impossible to get into this one and really care since nothing happens. It's got his usual flare for gorgeous scenery, but that's about it here beyond the final chase through the woods which has a rather nice amount of action to it, but it's still too little too late to save this.

Rated R: Graphic Language, Graphic Violence and Brief Nudity

Movie #3 of my Boll Marathon, I actually really enjoyed this one, I was a bit bored at first, and the decisions of making some scenes be like 5 frames per second lowers this to a 2/5 rather than a 3/5 because it was genuinely sickening to have that framerate change at times. Once I got past the 30 minute mark though I actually started to be interested in whatever weird plot was going on. While watching my brain first compared it to some horror games I've played recently, one taking place in a motel that gets broken into, and another in a cannibal's house, but then eventually my brain compared the weird movie making decisions with the low frame rate to Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows and its actually REALLY funny how much these two movies have in common now that I finished it. I would absolutely be willing to watch this again with some friends (probably wouldn't watch it again by myself though.)

As the credits rolled at the beginning of the film, so did my stomach! The camera-work was odd to say the least--with spinning camera shots that made me feel a bit queasy. The net effect also was to make the film look really cheaply made. Unfortunately, the same insane desire to do something "arty" kept cropping up--again and again. The picture would often slow or blur as you hear LOUD music blaring at you or you see weird montages that make your brain ache and other times the camera jerked about and shook--making you wonder if the film makers were insane or having seizures! The overall effect is very sloppy.

The story idea isn't bad. A guy who is responsible for a drunk driving death is lured into the woods where he is attacked and tormented by the family of his victim. Unfortunately, however, the film is undone by crudeness and foul language--and you really don't care much about the folks as a result. In fact, EVERYONE throws out the f-bomb right and left so much that it just looked and sounded dumb. This really was handled artlessly--the writer/director Boll didn't do much to help the viewer connect with these folks. Could it be that Boll's command of the English language and culture is so poor that he thinks every American talks this way?! Another problem is that the film bounces around a lot--from the past to the present again and again. It's all pretty confusing and how this was handled was pretty confusing...and, once again, dumb.

Overall, a decent story concept that is handled so f-ing poorly that you wonder how they got f-ing funding for the f-ing project--as well as future f-ing projects. Sloppy and f-ing amateurish. And by the way, I DON'T talk this way...the film does.

A final comment--this film is currently listed on IMDb's Bottom 100 list--the 100 lowest rated films with at least 1500 votes. While I hated this film and found it offensive, I am sure that it didn't quite deserve this distinction. Perhaps if there was a Bottom 250 list, it should be included.

I can take all kinds of low budget bad movies, because going in expectations are low. If the movie delivers nothing, I am not disappointed because nothing was expected. On the other hand I despise low budget bad movies that manipulate the audience in unfair ways. They make you believe one thing and then cruelly switch what was depicted as reality to something that leaves you feeling totally cheated. "Blackwoods" is such a movie. The DVD case perpetuates the trick by giving no hint of the nonsense to come. In addition to the trickery, the endless flashbacks in "Blair Witch" type motion are annoying. I despise people that lie, so a movie that is less than honest is totally unacceptable. - MERK

This German-financed, low-budget thriller is undermined by a listless script and annoying slickness in the editing. The lackluster performances don't help and when all is said and done, it's really just a public-interest morality play. A flash in the pan for late-night cable viewers.