Jan-Gel, the Beast from the East

There have been times when I have said, "This is the worst movie I have ever seen." This time, however, I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I sat through this horrendous example of movie making with two friends because I knew there was no way I could get through it on my own. It should be shown in film classes as an example of exactly how not to make a film. The writing is awful, the camera work is terrible, and the acting is indescribably bad. Granted, sometimes movies this bad can be liked based on their terribleness, but this one just made me angry. It looks to be filmed with one (as in a single) video (!) camera with which they don't even bother splicing together scenes for continuity or to help it make sense. I'm guessing they only had the camera for a weekend, because they don't even bother to re-shoot scenes when something goes wrong (such as a button popping open when it shouldn't or someone wearing an obviously different t-shirt than the previous shot.) I could go on and on about how much I hate this film. Avoid at all costs.

Conrad Brooks, a decent actor has turned director and made an awful movie.

Jan-el some guy in a loin cloth wakes up after years in hibernation and goes on a rampage.

I thought that this would be a low budget schlock horror film in the style of an Ed Wood movie. Instead we have a shot on camcorder home movie that is worse than watching you aunts home movies of her trip to the cribbage world tournament in Toledo. Scenes run on and on with nothing happen. We get people walking and walking and going nowhere. You could cut this movie down to fifteen and odds are you'd have a watchable short, but at a hour or so its simply torture.

No offense to Mr Brooks, but the next time someone decides to make a movie with his camcorder they should either take it away or break his hands so he can't work the controls and inflict this sort of pain on an unsuspecting world.

Jan-Gel, the Beast from the East (1999)

* 1/2 (out of 4)

Very low-budget film from director Conrad Brooks who plays a hunter named Conrad Brooks who comes to a small town to try and destroy a beast that has gone on a killing rampage. It turns out that this creature was on its way to a lab after being discovered frozen but the 50,000-year-old creature thawed out and now it's killing. JAN-GEL, THE BEAST FROM THE EAST isn't a film that's going to be recommended for everyone but I think fans of Brooks (or his Ed Wood movies) or those who enjoy "C" horror films might get a few kicks out of it. This film is about as innocent as you're going to get because there's no gore, no violence, no nudity and nothing offensive at all. It's clear that Brooks just gathered up some buddies to have fun and pay homage to an early time in horror when you didn't have such graphic or adult natured stuff. When viewing the film on this level it does offer up a few laughs and I especially liked the caveman type monster. There's a scene where he kills a snake that just keeps going and going and going that you can't help but laugh at how silly it is. It was also fun seeing Brooks who was making a pretty strong comeback in these low-budget movies around this period (and it's going to date).

Wow...

What a ... film.

Actually, it's not even that. It was filmed on home video equipment, making it technically a video.

Regardless, it was hilarious (intentional or otherwise) and certainly worth watching if you feel like crying.

The film is basically a homage to Ed Wood film-making and suitably created by Ed Wood Alumni Conrad Brooks. He certainly shines like a gem in this flick of dull rocks.

A must-see? No... Unless you want a film.. no, video.. harking back to the wonderful and innocent days of low-budget Z grade movies.

It's silly and funny and entertaining, with implied rather than shown violence. A caveman is discovered in Iceland and a scientist has him shipped back to America in a block of ice. Naturally, there is an accident and the ice block falls off the ship and is last seen off the coast of Cape Henry, Virginia. The caveman is next seen running amok in West Virginia. How he got there is never explained.

I was especially amused at how the potbellied caveman who emerged from a glacier in Iceland wears a cheetah fur instead of... oh, I don't know... seal, maybe? And he knows how what a doorknob is and how to work it when he enters a science fiction convention hotel.

Conrad Brooks arrives in town on the Amtrak to work with the military and the local gendarmes. Clad in workmanlike Western clothes, his goal is to capture the Beast. Can he succeed? See the movie!