Rendezvous in Hell

Rendezvous in Hell (1971)

1/2 (out of 4)

Four men rob a gas station and a shot is fired so they return to their home where their four women have been waiting and licking on each other. Pretty soon the eight are all having sex but then things take a dark turn.

RENDEZVOUS IN HELL is without question the worst type of porno I've seen from this era. It's one of those ultra low-budget movies that was probably filmed in a day and it features Rene Bond who is my favorite actress from these films. Not even her being in here could have saved this because it was without a doubt incredibly awful and so poorly made that it was hard to stick with it.

I say it was poorly made for a number of reasons but while watching the movie I honestly though the director had never made a movie before or perhaps he had never seen another movie before but checking with his credits here it seems this was his second of two movies. The incredibly close up shots of the sex are just so bad that you really can't see what's happening. There's no style or motion to any of the film and things just seem to happen and not happen for no clear reason.

There is a twist that happens towards the end, which pretty much comes out of nowhere but it just leads to more scenes that really don't add up to much. As awful as this movie is I'd almost have to recommend it just because of how truly awful it was.

Early in the New Wave, when Rivette, Godard and Truffaut were first feeling their oats, the basics of the new filmmaking were summed up facetiously as "a guy, a girl and a gun". The untalented pornmeiseter signing his work as Jimmy De Knight unwisely applied this mantra to the making of a hardcore porn film.

Reissued on Vol. 18 of Something Weird's Dragon Art Theatre series, HELL is nominally about a caper gone wrong. Four idiots try to rob a gas station, but are thwarted, killing a man in the process. When they return home to their four girl friends, a whole lot of sex ensues, but the integration of some crime thriller twists is beyond our Jimmy's meager abilities.

Rarely have action scenes been so poorly executed, what with cap pistols going off at the drop of a hat. At film's end only one of the 8 stalwarts is still alive as the (unseen) cops close in. The viewer senses there are cops out there since a voice-over in the "Come out with your hands up" cliché mode has been inserted but otherwise the budget didn't allow for any to actually show up.

Even though some porn stalwarts are on hand, notably the inevitable team of Rene & Ric, the acting is abysmal and there are many longueurs where everyone is sitting around on couches listlessly waiting for a cue (or perhaps for some uppers to take hold?). Clearly aimed at an audience that only wants to see explicit sex, and nothing but, the film is as dumb as it gets.

Muzak version of pop hits soundtrack is really bad, featuring "Aquarius," "Games People Play," "Galveston, "The Letter," "Georgia on My Mind," "I Say a Little Prayer," "Spooky" and most insultingly Lalo Schifrin's love theme from "The Fox". The filmmakers are so stupid they save that lesbian-themed music for too late in the film -when there's only one girl left alive. Duh.