Psyched by the 4D Witch

This is something that only could have been made in the early 70's. Its more of an acid trip than a movie. I wouldn't be surprised if this had been shot as a full on porn but then cut to be released as "art" when they realized how bad it was. It actually makes it funnier to have these abrupt cuts in the very, very un-sexy sex scenes. The film stock looks burnt and scratched most of the time and there is no audio for the actors, its all voice over narration. Low budget and amateur to its very core.

But, I'd always rather see something that sucks because its so weird that sucks because its the same as everything else - that's why it gets a 5.

Psyched by the 4D Witch (1972)

** (out of 4)

Insane little sexploitation flick about Cindy, a female virgin who won't even masturbate even though she wants to experience an orgasm. Wanting to keep her virginity, she learns that her aunt was a witch so she sells her soul to her and Satan in exchange for "Fantasy Fu*ks". This is an incredibly strange and psychedelic film, which works pretty well with the exception that it runs way too long even at just over 80-minutes. There's countless nudity, lesbian sex and other strange doings, which keep the film moving. The film was recorded silent and then voiceovers were added along with a trippy music score, which works pretty well. There's really nothing great about this movie but it ranks among one of the better sexploitation flicks I've seen.

There is a point where one sees things that one can't watch because its so hysterically funny one will die from laughter from continued viewing.

There is a point where on realizes that those who have deemed Ed Wood and his films the worst ever made never looked hard enough. (anyone who starts down the road of bad movies is aware of this almost instantly- but I digress) There are times when you watch a movie you can feel your brain being cut up as it claws in desperation to get out of your head.

Occasionally people can actually release their home movies to theaters and have people pay to see them.

Psyched by the 4d Witch is a prime example of all of the above and more...you'll pray it isn't true but it is...

This is a movie that is rated R, it even says so in the credits, because of nudity and sex. I think its because the film makers were desperate to have a reason for people to see this movie.

This is a movie about Cindy who's a virgin and through the use of sexual witchcraft and the help of a dead ancestor who was a witch is able to have sex and remain a virgin. Oh yea baby.

There is no dialog only voice over as Cindy and two other people relate the story to you over footage that is a combination someones vacation film and the sort of stuff that is worse than what I used to shoot in 8 mm, with the exception that my stuff never had a naked blonde in it. (She's a babe) Adding to it all is a whacked out sense of odd lights and bad Halloween decorations that make a first graders haunted house seem scary.

Words fail me.

The film opens with a woman dancing to the theme song in a style similar to the James Bond films, only worse. Its a moment that makes you say "WTF?" even if you don't use profanity you will as you see this.

After the opening credits we get film of someones trip to a college inter-cut with a naked girl practicing witchcraft. I know this is what she's doing because of the voice over.

Then we get weird lights and masks and you end up on the floor convulsed from laughter wondering how in the hell this ever got released.

The Something Weird website said its from a rare 35mm print, my guess is its the only one in existence. I would hate to think that this was actually inflicted on enough paying customers that they needed more than one print or that it actually had a run in several theaters (hey, I bought this disc used) This is a movie to be enshrined in infamy. This is bad film making as high art. This is get drunk and MST3K this sucker to death.(The only reason it wasn't on the show was that its too easy to make fun of, besides its the movie that probably would have broken the boys) DO NOT TAKE DRUGS WHILE WATCHING THIS FILM. Consumption of mind altering drugs will only result in the movie making sense, and where's the fun in that.

This is beyond bad and twice as jaw dropping. Ed Wood could only aspire to be this awful. Gay necrophilia vampirism with bad teeth are the words of the day.

If you like to see bad. mind altering movies see this...

If you want to laugh at a truly (and I mean that) awful film see this. This is below the bottom of the barrel at its worst.

People on drugs made this film. The NHS could save an absolute fortune in communicating their anti-drug message, when really all they need to do is get hold of this film and show it in schools and television. The immediate effect would be to turn children and impressionable adults away from hallucinogenic drugs. To be honest, it might even make Keith Richards think again.

This truly mind-numbing feature is nothing if not a one-off. It tells its silly story via the medium of psychedelic effects. Sounds good? Yeah it sounds alright I agree. But at 80 minutes in length it overstays its welcome by a long way. This would've been OK as a short; it's mind-boggling as a full length feature. There is no synchronized sound; everything is conveyed via a voice-over. This makes it become increasingly hard to pay attention, and you will find yourself slowly losing touch with the bizarre events happening on screen; by the conclusion I expect a lot of you will just be relieved.

In theory this film should be good but it isn't. It's very weird though, so that at least is always something.

EDIT: I watched this again on 27/03/19 and actually rather enjoyed it. How baffling.

This is a silent film with a heavy overlay of narration, provided by several of its fictional characters, and a cool musical soundtrack illegally swiped from LPs. A short list of composers whose works are featured in 4-D WITCH includes: Mussorgsky ("Night on Bald Mountain"), Wagner (the finale of TRISTAN UND ISOLDE, scored for piano and orchestra), Rimsky-Korsakov ("Scheherazade"), and Pink Floyd (the 1968 studio version of "Saucerful of Secrets").

Basically, 4-D WITCH is just a series of erotic events strung together by narrators. I enjoyed the narration of "Cindy," the central character whose flirtation with sexual witchcraft gives the movie its focus. Whoever provided her voice did a great job characterizing Cindy as a "game young innocent." Dial enough 1-900 numbers and you may get to speak with her yourself.

Visually, 4-D WITCH is a mess, with psychedelic light shows, bizarre superimposed images of masks and frightening faces, and occasional straight shots of the characters that serve as "establishing shots" for the special effects. Everybody seems caught up in a psychic whirlpool, from which the only way out is down, down, down.

Despite its interesting and amusing elements, the film's amateurish editing, the incoherence of the "plot" and the random/shuffle nature of the soundtrack all help 4-D WITCH to overstay its welcome long before the final reel starts rolling. The abrupt, unresolved ending would be confusing, were it not a great relief! Someone should convert 4-D WITCH into a "loop" and send it to Abu Ghraib, where it can be put to its best possible use.