L'orribile Dr. Bones

A couple of days ago, I watched 'Troll 2' on video and I was astonished with such a bad flick. This 'The Horrible Dr. Bones' has not had the competency to be worse than 'Troll 2', what seems to be impossible, but it is almost there. What a ridiculous trash 'movie'! Certainly it is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. The title is very appropriate: Horrible! The ham 'actors' and 'actresses' combined with amateurish direction; awful screenplay; poor effects and make-up, all blended together is a synonym of crap. Fortunately, the videotape does not smell. My vote is two.

Title (Brazil): "O Terrível Dr. Bones" ("The Terrible Dr. Bones")

Okay, i was at my local video store to rent some movies when I came across a tape. I looked at the cover and it showed a scary ugly man and the title said "The Horrible Dr. Bones". The cover looked good and I read the back and it sounded like and interesting film. So I rent it for two dollars. I watched from beginning to end and I was very disappointed! It was like the worst film I ever seen in my entire life! I wasted several minutes of my life! The effects are just plain terrible and fake! The effects look like rubber plastic props bought from a little Halloween store for kids I mean seriously! The storyline is terrible! The characters are annoying! The acting Sucks! Literally, nothing in the film makes sense. What a dreadful movie! It's a good thing a didn't buy it! I know what they were trying to do but it did not work at all! They just wasted their money he-he! Please people....this is a warning....don't watch it! Save yourselves!

In my experience, most avid fans of scary movies prefer a heavy metal riff over the electronic rhythms of urban music, but that hasn't stopped several film-makers from mixing rap with the red stuff, hip-hop with horror, and 'phat' beats with bloodcurdling screams. Hood of Horror, for example, was a gory horror anthology presented by rap legend Snoop Dogg, while Leprechaun in tha Hood saw OG Ice-T going head to head with the little Irish fellow with the pot of gold. To my surprise, I actually enjoyed both of these films, and despite being a lifelong rocker, I found myself warming to the whole urban music/horror movie concept—until The Horrible Dr. Bones, that is...

A z-grade effort from director Ted Nicolaou (hiding behind the pseudonym Art Carnage), this torpid tale of terror stars Darrow Igus as Dr. Bones, an evil music impresario who hires up 'n' coming act The Urban Protectors (or is that 'Tha Urban Protectaz'?) as part of his plan to rule the world by combining voodoo chants with the band's live music, thus turning listeners into obedient slaves; similarly, director Ted Nicolaou carries out his dastardly plan to create an army of brain-dead zombies by exposing viewers to a potent combination of terrible script, incredibly dull direction, and risible bargain-basement digital effects. A couple of passable music numbers and the presence of the rather lovely Sarah Scott Davis (as the band's bootylicious lead singer Lisa) narrowly prevented me from fully lapsing into a catatonic state, but it was a close thing. Don't risk having your mind turned to mush by Ted—avoid The Horrible Dr. Bones like the plague.

I rate this film a low, low 2.5 out of 10 (generously rounded up to 3 for IMDb), which, amusingly, is still one of the best scores from all of the current reviewers.

This is a morality tale about naive bandmates, tempted by a music mogul promising to make all their dreams come true. Since this is a horror movie, you already know there's a catch. A decent script, strong performances by supporting actress Sara Scott and leads Larry Bates and Darrow Igus, and a different take on Haitian zombie mythology make this an entertaining, if not exceptional, experience.

I admit I was hooked on this movie immediately, and it held my attention for most of its run-time. The pace is slow but it didn't drag--I attribute this, in part, to Igus's gravity, and also to Sara Scott's acting chops and beauty. Igus isn't required to demonstrate great range in this role, but he's very effective as the antagonist.

As stated earlier, the writing, for the most part, is capable, with the exception of the denoument, which feels rushed and unearned. Moreover, it's not clear that anyone learned what they needed to. The special effects and creature make-up are not very good, but I was into the story and leads enough to overlook those details.

Full Moon loves their morality tales. Unlike some of the other movies they've done, this one doesn't rise above the generic expectations, but it does meet them most of the time. It's not a movie I would tell you to seek out, but as I said, I enjoyed it.

Full Moon Pictures attempted to have a spin-off company...Originally called Alchemy, they changed it too Big City Pictures. This is the 2nd offering from the now defunct spin-off attempt.

The Horrible Dr. Bones has an excellent soundtrack, that even my daughter was dancing to (hey, she is only gonna be 2 in Jan.). The acting was typical B-movie. Wooden, underdeveloped and clumsy. Still, this movie wasn't all that bad. Yes, it was too short, and very rushed at the end. I would have liked to have seen a much more involved climax. Oh, well...Budget Restraints! The character of Dr. Bones was played excellently, and was very rastafarian looking...I liked his cane! And the smile he gives the main character, Jamal, spooky!

Much better than Killjoy, close to Ragdoll...this is just a silly, fun, and fun to make fun of film that should not be taken seriously.

7 out of 10