- Gord Brody: I'm gonna make you proud, Dad...
- [starts driving away but brakes and honks as a senior citizen is about to cross]
- Gord Brody: GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY.
- [continues driving]
- Gord Brody: [playing the sausage organ] Daddy, would you like some sausage? Daddy, would you like some sausage?
- Gord Brody: [Dressed in his father's suit, back to front] I'm the backwards man, the backwards man, the backwards man, I can walk backwards as fast as you can, I can walk backwards as fast as you can.
- Jim: Hey, Gord, the water cold enough for ya?
- [Turns the water temperature down, breaks into the bathroom, flushes the toilet]
- Jim: Don't tell me this boy's so stupid that he doesn't know the difference between hot and cold.
- [opens shower to find Gord with Soap-on-a-Rope in scuba gear]
- Jim: Hey, what are ya doing in my scuba gear?
- Gord: Look, I found a treasure.
- Jim: That's a Soap-on-a-Rope.
- Gord: Shhh, I'm pretending it's a treasure.
- Julie Brody: Gordie, sit down. We're having roast beef.
- Gord Brody: Why do you guys always have roast beef?
- Jim: Boo-hoo. Little Lord Fauntleroy's tummy hurts because there's too much roast beef in it.
- Gord Brody: It's just boring.
- [Opens bag, pulls out a chicken sandwich]
- Gord Brody: I'm eating a chicken sandwich.
- Jim: No, you're not!
- Gord Brody: This is crazy. I'm a 28-year-old man, I should be able to eat a chicken sandwich if I want.
- Jim: He's 28 years old and he can eat a chicken sandwich. Very Impressive. Mike Fitzgibbon's son is a nuclear physicist, and my son can eat a chicken!
- [Grabs chicken sandwich, throws it to the dogs]
- Julie Brody: Jim, no!
- Jim: You can either eat that goddamn roast beef, or you can go to bed.
- [Gord leaves the room]
- Jim: Ohhh, look, honey, our boy's a genius! He's rigged a pulley system so he can eat sausage and work on his stupid drawings.
- Gord Brody: This is "Little Timmy". He gets us food and stuff. Right, Little Timmy?
- Jim: What the fuck is going on, Gord? Why aren't you at your new job?
- Gord Brody: What are you talking about, Timmy?
- Jim: Gord... Jesus. There ain't no big computer job... is there? You're just gallivantin' around in my suit pretending to be some kind of mover 'n shaker aren't you?
- Jim: Miserable deadbeat punk. Paid for his damn college. Sits around all day whacking off. Proud? My ASS.
- Gord Brody: I hope I get a jobby, Freddy. I've got my fingers crossed... crossed... crossed... crossed... cross... ed.
- Andy Malloy: Can I really have a piece of cake, Daddy?
- Mr. Malloy: Sure you can, son. It's your birthday!
- Andy Malloy: Yay!
- Mr. Malloy: Yay!
- Gord Brody: I'm looking for a David Davidson.
- Woman: I'm a woman.
- Gord Brody: Did I ask what sex you are?
- Woman: No.
- Gord Brody: Did I ask if you were David Davidson?
- Woman: My name is Cheryl.
- Jim: Wait a minute... You're crippled.
- Gord Brody: Dad...
- Betty: What?
- Gord Brody: Dad...
- Betty: You got a problem with my legs?
- Jim: No, you got a problem with your legs. It's either that, or you're just lazy.
- Darren: [Gord is working on his skate ramp in the middle of the night, hammering nails loudly] Gord, don't hammer them so loud! Jeez, it's late, you're gonna wake your parents up.
- Gord: You're right, I should probably use the electric nail gun.
- Darren: Well, yeah.
- [Uses the nail gun, making even louder noise. Jim wakes up]
- Jim: Oh, boys, will you faggots stop making so fucking much noise? We're trying to sleep!
- [Gord continues to use the nail gun]
- Jim: Goddammit!
- [shouts]
- Jim: Stop the fucking hammering!
- Mr. Malloy: Hey, I got a kid sleeping over here!
- Andy Malloy: Hey, Gord, can I play on your ramp tomorrow?
- Gord: Sure. Andy! Anytime!
- Jim: [shouts at the top of his lungs, goes back into the house]
- Darren: Does your dad have, like, bowel problems?
- Gord Brody: Fuck you, Dad.
- Jim: Fuck me? Is that what you wanna do?
- [drops his pants]
- Jim: Well, go ahead, FUCK ME!
- Harry: You hear the funny sound? You hear the funny sound? It's my hooves. It's my hooves.
- Gord: Ahhh... Freddy. Freddy.
- Freddy Brody: Is that um...
- Jim: That's your big brother. He couldn't handle the complexities of making a cheese sandwich, so now he's back here at home with us... jeez, is that idiot still in the shower? Shit. How much water is he gonna use?
- Freddy Brody: How much is he gonna use? All of it? Save some for the fish or something. Right, Pop? Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.
- Jim: [screaming at the top of his lungs after Darren breaks his leg skateboarding in the middle of the night] You little shit, you think that's funny? I gotta go to work tomorrow! Get the hell of my property!
- [throws the skateboard at Darren's broken leg]
- Gord Brody: Dad, what the fuck, he hurt his leg!
- Jim: Why's everybody screaming like a banshee?
- [notices Darren's exposed bone on his leg]
- Jim: Jesus Christ.
- [to Gord]
- Jim: Well, get him a job! I mean, get HIM an ambulance, YOU get a job!
- [Gord licks Darren's bone, Jim slaps Gord]
- Jim: Stop that, what the hell do you think you're doing?
- Sandwich Customer: This cheese sandwich.
- Gord Brody: What?
- Sandwich Customer: It doesn't have enough cheese in it.
- Gord Brody: Well... we can't have that, 'cause, you know, a cheese sandwich with no cheese, it's just... two pieces of bread, and you know what? I could LOSE MY JOB. I could lose ALL THIS.
- [starts cramming all the cheese slices on the counter into the sandwich]
- Gord Brody: So you can... have... all... the cheese... you want.
- [throws the stack of cheese slices and bread at the customer]
- Sandwich Customer: What the hell do you expect me to do with this?
- Gord Brody: Well, I don't know. You could... SHOVE IT UP YOUR BUM-BUM.
- [customer walks out disgusted]
- Gord Brody: Yooou... can... put... the... cheeese... in... your... bum...
- Jim: He said 'Fuck you, Dad'. So I said 'Fuck you, fuck me. Fuck you, fuck me"... and I NEVER FINGERED FREDDY.
- [Andy Malloy looks at Jim while playing catch and gets hit in mouth with baseball, cries]
- Psychiatrist: Mr. Brody, this is very serious. Based on what I have heard today, I am required by law to notify the authorities.
- Gord Brody: Let's skate this thing!
- Darren: Don't you think it's a little late, Gord? I got work tomorrow, you know!
- Gord Brody: Are you telling me we've been working on this thing for years, it's finally finished, and you're not gonna try it out and enjoy the fruits of your labor?
- Darren: I don't have the right shoes. They're slippery, they got no sole.
- Gord Brody: [Hands him the skateboard] Just enjoy the fruits.
- Darren: Stop saying "the fruits"!