Krocodylus

Hey, I've found it - The worst horror film of all time. Pretty much the funniest too! Lets face it, how many films are you ever going to see where two talentless (well, acting wise) actresses, flash their excessively well proportioned boobs at a killer crocodile ahead of the classic line "Hey, we'd better stop croc teasing!"

Still, what would you expect from the film's (supposedly fact-based) premise. A group of doco makers (included the two miss boobs) set out to film a group of blood-surfers who cut themselves deliberately in the water to attract sharks in an effort to jazz up proceedings. Unfortunately they find a 30 foot crocodile rather than a shark. In the ensuing 40 minutes or so the makers (and I use the term loosely) rip off JAWS, PLACID LAKE, ORCA, INDIANA JONES, and MONTY PYTHON!

The crocodile it must be said, is the ultimate in amateur fx. Rarely looking the same in two scenes, it occasionally appears to be the size of a Mack truck, at other times, no bigger than a normal croc. Frequently a cardboard cut-out in silhouette and with the realistic movement of a barbie doll! The deaths....which take on assembly-line proportions, out-do even DEEP BLUE SEA in the humor department! Just when you think your ribs can take no more laughing....it ENDS with the croc's hilarious self-demise.

This has set South African film-making back at least 50 years.

Standard "paint-by-numbers" monster fare, filled with a bunch of routine plot devices from big-creature movies. It's like somebody had a deck of cards with plot ideas from other movies written on them, which were shuffled, and dealt. Whatever plot lines and characters came up in the deal were then tossed into the script.

Characters are so cliché-ridden, that you can play a game of "Guess who ends up as a monster meal" after less than ten minutes into the movie, and probably get every single one right--including the order that they will get devoured. Many of the characters are so obnoxious, that you root for the creature to shut them up. Some of the main characters include: a Billy Idol clone who surfs with sharks, a loudmouth brat who flashes bankrolls, a Capt. Ahab guy with a vendetta, and Ahab's girlfriend who does sleazy dances at a bar. Oh, and a big, big beast in need of anger management therapy.

Along the way, people argue a lot, pretty girls run around with wet t-shirts, couples make out on exotic beaches, explosions occur, ruins of a shrine appear, and greasy-faced pirates drop by.

Amusing, for the most part, but one thing bothered me: the callousness by characters when other people were killed. After one violent demise, they make one-liner jokes. I could almost hear rim shots.

Overall, OK, if you have 90 minutes to waste, and you want to laugh at a so-bad-it's-good-movie. Otherwise, you may want to skip this one.

I have to say it: if the Sci-fi channel can't find anything even moderately worthwhile to fill time slots, they should just let the screen go blank for a couple of hours. I find it hard to comment on this vile effort without resorting to long strings of four-letter words. If not for the scenery--both topographical and feminine--this would easily be in the running for the WORST MOVIE EVER.

Bad acting, stupid plot, inane characters... Even Nancy Reagan would have relented, and advised the perps to "just say yes"; being doped to the gills could only have resulted in a vastly improved flick.

Don't watch it.

Don't watch it.

Whatever you do, DON'T WATCH IT.

I love monster movies. As long as they aren't boring I can always have some fun with them. This film is not boring. It has beautiful women, a recklessly brave heroine, the ocean, surfing, sharks, lots of "croc fodder", explosions.. it works! Of course it is flawed in many and humorous ways. Much of the acting, and most of the directing leave one aghast. But a real monster film fan will find something to enjoy. I enjoyed Kate Fischer immensely; even her acting,which was compelling. I enjoyed the action, and the crocodile chasing everyone around on land and sea. Some of the special effects were actually thrilling. The surfing scene is certainly worth seeing.

Yes, I knew everything that was going to happen before it did. I knew who was going to get eaten, and approximately when. But it still intrigued me enough to keep me watching. And that's all a monster film has to do. I might even want to get a video of it. Did I say that?

Blood Surf... It still isn't the best crocodile movie i've seen but enjoyable for the sport of surfing on shark infested waters and staying trapped in an island with a giant crocodile. Of course the effects are bad, and the mechanical beast is not to bad, it only looks like a rubber crocodile. And the croc as blue eyes, Strange did you ever seen a crocodile with blue eyes? I guess not. And why all that porno stuff was it to entertain or to only burn time in the film to look like a long movie. Some scenes in the movie that I asked my self somme questions where: The scene when the boat is sinking and the croc appears, the croc bites that guy in half and guy is still alive! And there was no blood dripping, strange. Another one is when those two girls crossed the river the crocodile stopped chasing them, why? Do crocodiles don't know how to swim? or was it scared of the water? Actually I don't know. The actors and actresses acted a bit bad but personally it wasn't that bad, and the story where was it? So after saying all this I am still looking for it on DVD, Because I even liked the damned movie. I don't know why but I like it. 6/10