Les gardiennes du pénitencier

For some reason, a friend of mine always picks this movie to watch when he comes over to my place. Even though he readily admits how terrible it is once he thinks about it. It doesn't make much sense at all and even looks awful. I have the X-Rated Kult DVD version, which is fullscreen and comes in a fancy hard clamshell-like case that makes it look like it would be cool, but the case is worth more than the movie. It is called "Women Behind Bars (Frauengefängnis 2)" which is confusing because the artwork is basically the same as the artwork for "Frauengefängnis 3," which might not be a masterpiece, but infinitely more bearable than this movie. There is a DVD from the Netherlands which is actually 1.66:1 (16:9) and may look better because of it, but I doubt looking better helps anyone that has to sit through it. I'm pretty sure that the films put together to make this weren't even the same aspect ratio, so God only knows how the geniuses that put this together intended for it to look or sound.

The movie is actually bits and pieces of a few Women-In-Prison movies glued together to make a new movie. Somebody working for Eurocine thought that it was a good idea for some reason. Cobbling together little pieces of different WIP movies does not make a new "movie." It makes a mess. Kind of like if somebody decided to put little snippets from "Halloween," "Friday the 13th" and "Sleepaway Camp" together to make a new "work of art." Those are all slasher movies (like this is made from women-in-prison movies) but bits and pieces of those movies getting edited together wouldn't make sense. That's exactly how this hodgepodge or horror turned out - like you put a few trashy movies into a blender to see what would happen.

I bought this film thinking it was the 1975 Jess Franco video nasty/women in prison flick 'Women Behind Bars', so I was quite disappointed when I found it wasn't (especially considering that, if it was, I'd now only be left with 'I Miss You, Hugs and Kisses' to see before I've seen everything on the DPP list). Anyway, given my experience of Women in Prison films, I would guess that this film and Franco's Nasty are probably about on par in terms of quality. This one seems to have a bit more of a Nazi theme going on, though as you would probably expect; association with one of the worst genres ever seen in cinema doesn't do this film any favours! The plot is just your usual mix of sadism and torture, this time coupled with an escape plan. It's not intelligent stuff, and it's also rather boring, especially for someone like me who has seen far too many of these films. The film drones on for about eighty five minutes and the ending really isn't worth waiting for. While 'Women Behind Bars' probably isn't any better than this film, I do wish I'd seen that one instead as at least there would have been a point to me watching. There's no point at all in seeing this film so I don't recommend it!

The title tempted me to give this a whirl, but the date should have warned me. In common with most exploitation films this sounds fun but is just dull. Very very dull.

Supposedly set just after the fall of the Third Reich but obviously made much later and full of ugly seventies clothes and hairstyles, the title wardress carries a riding crop and wears a monocle but appears to forgotten to have put on her trousers when she got dressed that morning. The constant zooms and pans suggest that the camera operator was either drunk or stoned, and it has that other sine qua non of all lousy movies: a Hammond organ score.

Avoid.

You'll be really scraping the barrel of the Euro-Nazisploitation/Women-In-Prison genres with this film: it's a shoddily edited, and woefully dubbed mess cobbled together from bits of three other movies that are pretty awful in themselves—Jess Franco's Caged Women (1976), Hitler's Last Train (1977) and Captive Women 4 (1977)—and random footage probably salvaged from a Eurocine waste bin.

Unsurprisingly, the script (if, indeed, there was one) makes little-to-no sense but does provide the viewer with some stupefyingly dumb moments that prove marginally entertaining on the 'it's so bad it's funny' level. That really bad 'slow-motion' flashback from Caged Women has to be the weirdest moment, the effect achieved by the actors moving slowly rather than a change in speed of filming, but there are plenty of other 'WTF?' moments, with the following being worthy of a special mention:

1) The governor (Roger Darton) forcing pretty inmate Lola (Nadine Pascal) to write a letter with three different colour pens (how inhumane!). 2) Guard Nestor (Eric Falk) having an inmate repeatedly make her bed (the monster!). 3) The governor's Minnie Mouse teapot. 4) The totally inappropriate music that accompanies the sleaze. 5) The topless guards. 6) The mad woman saying 'I'll just squat' before laying down. 7) The worst 'crosshair' shot in movie history. 8) The repetitive bird whistle. 9) 'Yes, no, yes'. 10) The fight in the sand-pit (they must have had sand in nasty places for days after that).

I rate Jailhouse Wardress a generous 2/10 for the nudity and unintentional laughs.

"What do we do now?" "Let's get undressed" Jailhouse Wardress is a bit of a mess in terms of story, at the end of World War 2 a high ranking Nazi SS officer flees to South Africa and becomes the cruel governor of a bizarre women's jail, an assassination plot is made to kill him. The bulk of the film looks 1970's/early 80's but our villain hasn't aged a day since 1945, either he has some miracle anti-ageing potion or the makers didn't give a hoot about making the time setting look convincing. There are two directors credited, Alain Deruelle, who specialised in pornography, and Spanish legend Jess Franco, known for his many horror films though he too dabbled in adult movies. I am a fan of Jess, even his bad movies and this falls into that category. He gives his usual cameo appearance , his real life lover Lina Romay is one of the stars in this flick. The prison is an old coastal castle, the location is quite nice but there are only a handful of inmates and the governor's office looks like it was filmed in somebody's lounge! The editing is bad, the dubbing is terrible and it is obvious that the film was put together using footage from other movies, the picture quality varying quite a lot. Yes, it is very flawed but let's be honest there is only one reason to watch this women in prison/Nazisploitation thriller and that is for the sex and nudity, of which there is a great deal. Full frontal female nudity throughout, some of the men get in on the action too but as was so typical back then - with one exception - the guys get to keep their clothes on! Also back then the "natural look" was in which makes the nudity look dated. The Euro musical score is easy on the ears and I did like seeing the exotic plants outside of the prison but the sex novelty soon wore off and gave up with the "plot".