The Order of the Black Eagle

Ok, I'm the first one to review this film on this site and I'm not so proud. Because I rent this movie just for fun and the plot was awful. This movie is about a man and a baboon, who kill bad guys, in this film the bad guys are nazis who have a new base in south America. The nazis plan to conquer the world for the second time. This film is crap, nothing else. The movie tries to be like Indiana Jones in someways, but it is awful. And...in the film the new nazis have froze Hitler and maybe in the future to revive him. If that doesn't sound corny, what does?

This movie is a classic somewhere, surely. I bought it from the video shop. The hero gets with both his female offsiders. He is called Duncan Jax, not Lax. The monkey, sorry baboon, (called Boon) drives this tank with teeth drawn on the front and Jax has a chase in this hovercraft with teeth on the front and missiles on the sides. They said it could never happen again, but they didn't know that Hitler has been cryogenically frozen by Nazis. We hate Nazis. The best of all the bad action movies, it has everything, except titties.

Everything I read about this absurd film is true. It's a really bad version of Buckaroo Banzai. It looks like a film that you borrowed money from your relatives to make because you felt you were the next Stephen Spielberg. Dumb storyline, stupid dialog, grade school acting, Cheap sets (i.e. the Nazi camp was bed sheets thrown over stick frames), and rediculous music all combine to make this movie a "cult classic". A classic for Mystery Science Theater 3000 that is.

Imagine that you have a very limited budget and want to make a James Bond-like film. And, because you have no money, you need to get 3rd rate unknown actors, cheap props and a no-name director. And, you'll have "The Order of the Black Eagle"...a terrible film in most every way. One of the most serious problems about the film is that instead of a sexy spy hero, we have a guy with a receding hairline who looks like a tax accountant--and who tries to score with women who aren't particularly attractive. To make up for this, they had the brilliant idea of giving this super-hero (Duncan Jax) a baboon sidekick--one that makes lot of rude gestures to try to distract everyone from how dumb the film is.

Speaking of dumb. The plot of this film is essentially that of "They Saved Hitler's Brain". However, instead of just saving Mr. H's head, these Neo-Nazis have preserved his entire body and plan to rejuvenate him and start the Fourth Reich in South America!! You can't get a sillier plot than this but combining it with bad acting, writing that THOUGHT is was very clever but wasn't and cheese, you get a dumb film that MIGHT be of interest to bad movie fans but to no one else.

Apparently, they made a sequel, but I don't think I'll bother.

In today's world, there's little you can trust. But this film's cover tells its story perfectly.

You see a balding James Bond wannabe flanked by two women who would be gorgeous under the right light... and by his side is a baboon in a tuxedo.

Okay, so the plot is muddled and poorly thought out. The dialog is incompetent, and at some point, the writers seem to have given up trying to tell a story and invited friends over to make up the rest of the script.

I can ignore all of that in a movie where a baboon actually does wear a tuxedo, where the baboon starts up the hero's airplane (okay, ultralight glider, but close enough) and where a baboon drives his own tank.

Sure, the South American Nazi stuff is poorly tacked on an nonsensical. It doesn't matter. A baboon is driving a tank.

This is not something to watch with an eye for subtext, plot or even basic thrills. It's a movie to watch with a bunch of people willing to laugh at a ridiculous spectacle. I hope that's what the producers had in mind.