Ninja the Protector

Ninja the Protector is yet another triumph for the 'versatile ninja master' Richard Harrison, and an astonishing masterclass in suspense and action that only Joseph Lai could serve up.

When faced with the tyranny of an evil ninja empire run by an overweight accountant, our hero resorts to the only weapon a ninja can when faced with certain death - a 500cc racing motorbike. In a tense scene suitably offset with the mellow strummings of Pink Floyd, Richard demonstrates some of his broad reportoire of jaw dropping action stunts that, quite rightly, put Jackie Chan's efforts in the shade.

A must for all Harrison fans, serious action junkees and devotees of films spliced together in an incredibly obvious way to shift a few copies in the West.

The late-80s/early-90s was the golden era of the action hero: Sly and Arnie were tops at the box office, whilst second-tier stars like Chuck, Dolph, Van Damme and Seagal cleaned up on VHS. Even Speakman and Dudikoff became recognisable names, not just amongst die-hard fans of fight flicks, but with normal folk who arrived too late at the video shop to rent out the newest releases but didn't want to go home empty handed.

Richard Harrison, on the other hand, is a name that will probably only be familiar to those who weren't afraid to delve into the darkest depths of the dreaded bottom shelf (reserved for only the lowest budgeted Z-grade garbage). Sporting an ultra-macho Selleck-style 'tache and often seen clad from head to toe in a crap camouflage suit, Harrison was the star of many a Ninja film from legendary director Godfrey Ho, who would cobble his films together with little regard for logic or narrative cohesion.

Ninja Protector is a fairly unexceptional example of such a movie: the plot is typically all over the place, the result of Harrison's Ninja footage having been clumsily spliced together with an old Hong Kong film; ninjas materialise out of nowhere to do battle with each other, resulting in the usual frenetic sword-based martial arts mayhem; and the action is regularly punctuated by soft-core sex scenes featuring a selection of nubile Asian honeys. Those familiar with this type of junk may find it mildly entertaining for the duration, but the film sadly lacks any of the truly bizarre stuff that occasionally qualifies such ninja nonsense as unmissable.

Richard Harrison once again finds himself in heavy mascara and camouflage ninja togs whilst being edited into a completely non ninja movie here!

Yes, Godfrey Ho strikes again and this time he has spliced some rather enjoyable ninja footage into what amounts to a somewhat odd soft porn movie!

Fair enough, the movie is certainly better than many of the other atrocities that Ho has chosen as his base for these films but it must nonetheless also rank as one of the most bizarre choices of film into which to edit in a tenuous ninja plot.

Still, it's the ninja action we want to see in this, so does our man Ho deliver the goods? Well sadly, (but as per usual in these movies) there's just not enough ninja activity on offer here which proves a genuine shame as what is present is great fun, for instance the ninja motorcycle duel! Also present and correct (but not necessarily welcome) is the abrupt ending (although there is admittedly a strange and unique charm in Ho's sudden cessation of these movies - it appears to be a trademark of his!)

Is it worth watching? For Z-grade ninja movie fans (of which I am one)of course! Everyone else would be well advised to steer clear....A Godfrey Ho film to the uninitiated may prove just too much for one's cerebral health!

More devilment from Tomas Tang. See my comments on "Ninja Demon's Massacre" if you need to know what the Tang Formula is.

Normally Tang edits ninja footage into action movies, but in this rare exception, he's chosen to violate a weak softporn HK soap opera about "Warren's" adventures at the modelling school. Naturally, it is improved by the addition of ninjas. The incongruity of the ninja storyline within the bulk of the footage is even greater than usual. Which is funny, until your head starts aching.

Features Richard Harrison II, perhaps my favourite Tang stalwart.

It was five years ago when I first watched a Godfrey Ho collaboration, the superb Secret Ninja, Roaring Tiger. To be fair, every movie, made by ANYONE, is in the shadows of Secret Ninja, and as such I was a little disappointed by the frequency of the quality moments in Ninaj the Protector, but that's not to say it's bad. There are absolutely amazing moments in this film, which make up for the fact that it's not chocablock with laughs.

Who wouldn't want to watch a film that in the trailer it boasts "Only a ninja can defeat a Ninja" but spaced out like all the dialogue in Godfrey Ho movies so it sounds like the voice over guy has a stammer. Classic chats amongst detectives such as "They say it was a Ninja what's a ninja?" "Nothing.... just a fairytale" Genius. In a fair and just world, Ho would have won 6 Oscars by now, but those pecks in Hollywood are obviously either racist or bribed by bigwigs such as Senor Spielbergo and James Cameron. I think it was also this movie that introduced us to David, the mild mannered brother of Bruce.

Bruce cheats on his wife with a woman, and brings this girlfriend round to his house. Then he looks confused, and almost disappointed, after looking around to find out his wife isn't home. What is going on here?? Bruce is a bit of a pecker, but David seems very down to earth. But yet, when the police describe David it is: "He's a playboy, and a trouble maker!" I would write about the plot and the storyline of this movie rather than just giving the best quotes, and pointing out bits that made us crease ourselves, but unfortunately, I don't have the foggiest what the fook is going on in this film! There are some nice instant clothes changes in this movie, and some random motorbike action. Plus Richard Harrison has a lovely 'tache, and Godfrey Ho is the master of including random soft porn scenes that have no bearing on the storyline whatsoever.

All in all, it's a good laugh, and well worth watching, especially with a group of mates when you've got some beers in. Chances are, you'll find it in a DVD bin in a pound shop, but if you tend not to frequent these outlets looking for gems such as this, keep an eye in the Works, as they often have it for 5p. No word of a lie, the Works sell DVDs with 2 movies on them for 10p!!