Vampires Anonymous

Admitting your problem is hard… now for vampires there's a twelve step program to overcome their addictive craving for human blood, but this recovery process is sure to bring on the cold turkey. "Vampire Anonymous" is a quirky and hip, if smartly realised low-budget vampire comedy that is enjoyably charming despite the familiar developments. Vic Weller (a likable Paul Popowich) makes a call to Vampires Anonymous (1- 800-555-BITE) after biting yet again another girlfriend. Signing up to this group, he takes a test which picks out sheep as his best choice for blood source and his relocated to a small country town with Geno (a laconic Michael Madsen) as his sponsor whenever he needs advice. However the program doesn't seem to be working as he brings attention to his drinking habits as he slowly begins to fall off the wagon, as an underpaid corporate vampire slayer (a perfectly bitchy Michelle Stafford) gets on his trail and the police start investigating the disappearance of the town's depleting sheep population. Also he has taken a liking to the sweet Maggie Miller (the lovely Nicole Forester). The story is an amusingly sharp spin on addiction and the help that is offered in overcoming it. Satirically biting and creative in its comical situations, but the small town dramas are systematic, so is the romance angle.

"Don't be an f**king sheep in your next life."

Put yourself in my shoes. You're walking through your local Blockbuster. You've gone through all the new releases, not finding anything worth watching. Finally, you get to the V's. Sitting there is a movie called Vampires Anonymous. Always a fan of a camp fest, you pick it up. But who is it on the cover? Why it's one of your favorite under-appreciated actors Michael Madsen sitting on a motorcycle. You read the back of the box that says the movie is about a 12 step program for Vampires. Low budget. Little known. This has to be bad.

Then you watch it. And to your delight, it's surprisingly good. Has a good amount of dark humor. Really original story. Some fun action sequences. Only gripe is could have had a little more Madsen. But that's alright. Because the movie was still enjoyable without him.

All in all, this is a good film. Nice to see an original take on the vampire theme. Sometimes that can blow up in your face like the Dracula musical on Broadway at the moment that's bombing hard. But this film has just the right mix of action/drama/humor to keep you interested.

This movie had potential of being really original and fun. It would have achieved this if it had taken the route it looked like it was going in the first 15 minutes, made up of dark and morbid humor, but it wound up to be like a teen flick. There were musical montages with the worst of the worst Ska music and it just bugged me. It also got to be extremely repetitive at times, and really began working off the same jokes. The movie did have points of a good atmosphere, I did like the darker parts, like the first fifteen minutes and the scene where he kills the b****rds from the bar, but the rest is just annoying, generic, and full of crappy ska music.

After eating his beloved girlfriend, the vampire Vic Weller (Paul Popowich) admits that has a problem and joins a 12-step program called "Vampires Anonymous" to get rid of the habit of drinking human blood. He goes to a meeting and is submitted to a test, where it is determined that he should replace human by sheep blood. His sponsor Geno (Michael Madsen) and the program relocate Vic to Rock Creek, in North Caroline, where he falls in love for the local Maggie Miller (Nicole Forester). However, the disappearance of sheep attracts the attention of a vampire slayer and the police, getting Vic into trouble.

"Vampires Anonymous" is an enjoyable film, with an analogy to the AA for vampires in an original story. There is dark humor, romance and many funny situations. This movie is neither a masterpiece nor a crap, just a pleasant entertainment. My vote is six.

Title (Brazil): "Vampiros Anônimos" ("Vampires Anonymous")

After giving up his cravings and murdering his own girlfriend, Vic joins Vampires Anonymous to try and kick the habit. He relocates, goes through a 12-step program, and survives off sheep blood. Things get complicated when the locals complain about their dwindling sheep flocks. A would-be cop named Diesel starts investigating the strange occurrences, while a corporate vampire hunter closes in on Vic as well.

Generally, I do not like vampire films because they seem to copy one another and are rarely ever scary. And while this one wasn't scary by any means, it was at least interesting by putting a new spin on an old subgenre. This featured a clever script with many in-jokes. I particularly liked the parallels of Vic's hunger for blood and Diesel's need for alcohol. These urges hold back both characters in different ways. Whether either character can overcome their flaws affects the outcome of the film.

There is a lot of fun to be had here too. Michael Madsen plays Geno, Vic's program partner and confidante. Neil D'Monte plays Juan Rodrigo, a lovelorn vampire, doing a spot-on impression of Antonio Banderas. Small animals are "snack food" at the VA meetings, Vic reads "CosmoVamp" magazine, vampires get silicone poisoning after biting Swedish Bikini girls with breast implants, and while attempting to bleed a sheep, Vic is mistaken for a sheep f*cker by a redneck farmer.

The ending culminates into a cool showdown with Vic, his lady, and the vampire hunter running through a haunted house. It was pretty funny watching them push around the clueless people that mistook them for either employees using fake scare tactics or customers looking for some scares.

The sound and film quality were pretty good. They used several real animals like mice, birds, and sheep. The SFX were good when used. However, this was a comedy, so there was minimal gore. The vampire teeth looked realistic as opposed to the plastic ones I have seen used in other films.

Favorite Quote: Vic to Maggie, "It's because I'm a vampire, isn't it? Are you afraid they won't let you in the sorority? Afraid they'll whisper, There goes the vampire-f*cker?" DVD Extras: Sadly, there were none! Only Scene Selections all by it's lonesome. I suggest a Special Edition re-release featuring commentary and Behind the Scenes footage.

Bottom Line: Refreshingly original take on the Vampire subgenre. Huge on laughs, but lacking in scares.

Rating: 7/10 Molly Celaschi www.HorrorYearbook.com